NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Sunday, January 11, 2015

STUPID HEADLINES 011115


STUPID HEADLINES 011115

It is time again for

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY


This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo. 'None of the above' may be the correct answer.

__________________________

Firefighters rescue naked woman trapped in ex-boyfriend's chimney –

That is not the way to rekindle a fire.

 Man stabbed in head, drives three hours – He only had to go two miles but he got stuck in traffic.

 Canadian man who was declared dead after 1977 fire has been found living in Oklahoma – What’s the difference? (Oh, come on, I was born in Oklahoma…it is a great state.)

 Alcohol poisoning kills 6 a day, mostly middle-aged men – Interesting…there should be a study on this.

 Anxiety from PMS shown to increase in middle-age women, study shows - Hmmm, I guess there is no need for that middle age men study after all.

Boston time capsule from 1795 included coins, newspapers – Experts are baffled by 1795 newspaper with “Suldog” byline.

 
Maryland Politician Kirby Delauter Says Paper Can’t Print His Name Without His Permission – This dude is giving politicians a bad name.  Make that a super-duper (damn, I am old) bad name.

 Vacuum Company sues Maryland politician for using their name – Ok, this is fake, but not THE fake.

 Police recover O.J. Simpson Heisman Stolen from USC in 1994 – Thief was tracked down by his Bruno Magli shoe prints and his hand fit a glove he left on the scene.

 Naked man arrested after breaking into home so he could use the hot tub – Charged with breaking and soaking.

 Bill Clinton’s tangential tie to an appalling sex scandal – I’m not sure what a “tangential tie” has to do with sex, but it does sound kinky!

 Bill Gates wants to turn poop into drinking water – Another Microsoft product prone to attract a virus.

________________________________


Last week’s fake headline was:

Scientists pull a reverse; Pluto is officially a planet after all – It’s a planet, it’s a cartoon dog, it’s a planet…make up your damn mind!

(Actually this reversal is under consideration, so “None of the above” was also an acceptable answer.)


And the winners are…lots of them!



Pluto...you've used that before, I think.

You’re probably right, I’m still upset that they can disqualify a Planet!

J

Put me down for "none" please!

You win on a technicality.


It's Mickey Mouse's dog, Jupiter--I mean Pluto!!

Curse you fishducky, I’ll trick you yet!


Pluto. Or if Play Doh gets hold of it, Pludoh. As always, your comments are brilliant.

Thank you Hilary, but I find it difficult to top you pun ability…PLUDOH…brilliant.


I actually saw or heard about a few of these--must have been a slow news week. Gonna say Pluto.

You read the news?  That may be cause for disqualification!  

Val

Gotta go with Pluto. If this is true, somebody dropped the ball, because I didn't get the memo, and I teach Earth and Space Science! Maybe I need to sign up for one of those instant text thingies.

If you insist on divulging so much inside information I will continue to censure your answers!


Pluto has been reinstated as a planet. Earth has been disqualified.

Another rare Chubby Chatterbox win.  I hope this won’t become a trend.


My pick this week is "Scientists pull a reverse; Pluto is officially a planet after all."

See my comment to fishducky and change fishducky to Sandee.  I think I may owe you a WHOOP-TEE-DOO, so if I forgot…WHOOP-TEE-DOO!!

Click on all the winners and congratulate them.

And

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

STUPID HEADLINES!!

13 comments:

  1. Was that a misprint? Did Bill Clinton have a "tangentil tie" or a "tangenital tie"? And is it part of the new Monica Lewinsky line at Fredericks of Hollywood?

    ReplyDelete
  2. So many funny remarks here. But I'm beginning to know how you think (isn;t that scary?) so I'm going to bow out of this one, lest I be tempted to explain why. Aside from that, I cracked up at your Kirby remarks and I love the nod to Suldog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. gonna go with naked man and hot tub, just because that sounds rather good right now. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Woo Hoo. I thought I lost this week. I didn't get the WHOOP-TEE-DOO!!

    I linked you to Silly Sunday as always.

    I'll be back later with my guess.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm going to go with Bill Gates and what he wants to do with poop as being the fake headline. But then I never know these things since I never watch the news.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm feeling rather religious today--I'll say NUN of the above!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am going with "Bill Gates wants to turn poop into drinking water" this week. I have been feeling like poop lately. I had a virus but not a computer virus.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm not going with the Bill Gates one because I saw him on the news drinking formerly poopy water, so I'll go with the ex girlfriend stuck in the chimney.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stephen Hayes comment deleted for giving away information. Come on folks...sheesh! First Val, no Stephen.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm saying OJ's stolen trophy is fake. And that's all I'm saying!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I will say Bill Clinton and the sex scandal. Mostly because I don't know what "tangential" means!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anxiety from PMS shown to increase in middle-age women, study shows is my pick this week.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!