STUPID HEADLINES 011115

STUPID HEADLINES 011115

It is time again for

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo. 'None of the above' may be the correct answer.

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Firefighters rescue naked woman trapped in ex-boyfriend's chimney –

That is not the way to rekindle a fire.

 Man stabbed in head, drives three hours – He only had to go two miles but he got stuck in traffic.

 Canadian man who was declared dead after 1977 fire has been found living in Oklahoma – What’s the difference? (Oh, come on, I was born in Oklahoma…it is a great state.)

 Alcohol poisoning kills 6 a day, mostly middle-aged men – Interesting…there should be a study on this.

 Anxiety from PMS shown to increase in middle-age women, study shows - Hmmm, I guess there is no need for that middle age men study after all.

Boston time capsule from 1795 included coins, newspapers – Experts are baffled by 1795 newspaper with “Suldog” byline.

 Maryland Politician Kirby Delauter Says Paper Can’t Print His Name Without His Permission – This dude is giving politicians a bad name.  Make that a super-duper (damn, I am old) bad name.

 Vacuum Company sues Maryland politician for using their name – Ok, this is fake, but not THE fake.

 Police recover O.J. Simpson Heisman Stolen from USC in 1994 – Thief was tracked down by his Bruno Magli shoe prints and his hand fit a glove he left on the scene.

 Naked man arrested after breaking into home so he could use the hot tub – Charged with breaking and soaking.

 Bill Clinton’s tangential tie to an appalling sex scandal – I’m not sure what a “tangential tie” has to do with sex, but it does sound kinky!

 Bill Gates wants to turn poop into drinking water – Another Microsoft product prone to attract a virus.

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Last week’s fake headline was:

Scientists pull a reverse; Pluto is officially a planet after all – It’s a planet, it’s a cartoon dog, it’s a planet…make up your damn mind!

(Actually this reversal is under consideration, so “None of the above” was also an acceptable answer.)

And the winners are…lots of them!

susie

Pluto...you've used that before, I think.

You’re probably right, I’m still upset that they can disqualify a Planet!

J

Put me down for "none" please!

You win on a technicality.

fishducky

It's Mickey Mouse's dog, Jupiter--I mean Pluto!!

Curse you fishducky, I’ll trick you yet!

Hilary

Pluto. Or if Play Doh gets hold of it, Pludoh. As always, your comments are brilliant.

Thank you Hilary, but I find it difficult to top you pun ability…PLUDOH…brilliant.

Nancy/BLissed-Out Grandma

I actually saw or heard about a few of these--must have been a slow news week. Gonna say Pluto.

You read the news?  That may be cause for disqualification!  

Val

Gotta go with Pluto. If this is true, somebody dropped the ball, because I didn't get the memo, and I teach Earth and Space Science! Maybe I need to sign up for one of those instant text thingies.

If you insist on divulging so much inside information I will continue to censure your answers!

Stephen Hayes

Pluto has been reinstated as a planet. Earth has been disqualified.

Another rare Chubby Chatterbox win.  I hope this won’t become a trend.

Sandee

My pick this week is "Scientists pull a reverse; Pluto is officially a planet after all."

See my comment to fishducky and change fishducky to Sandee.  I think I may owe you a WHOOP-TEE-DOO, so if I forgot…WHOOP-TEE-DOO!!

Click on all the winners and congratulate them.

And

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

STUPID HEADLINES!!