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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

THE WAY THINGS ARE


THE WAY THINGS ARE

Some things just happen and they just happen wrong.  There is no rhyme or reason for them to always happen, they just do.  The law that explains this phenomenon is Murphy’s Law:

"If something can go wrong, it will."

This is of course a very broad assertion.  There are more specific corollaries to this law.

1.      If you have to loosen several screws to remove an object, the head of the last screw will be stripped. 

2.     If you only have one nail left you will bend the crap out of it on the first whack of the hammer.

3.     When making a sandwich, you will cook the bacon, slice the tomatoes, rinse the lettuce and toast the bread before you realize you have no mayonnaise.

4.     The cable company will wait to test their system just before you find out how much the medieval sling-shot is worth on "Pawn Stars."

5.     If you have only one last screw that you need to finish a job, you will drop it.

6.     The last pistachio nut in a batch will have a rotten bitter taste.

7.     If you drop the last screw that you really need, it will hit your foot and bounce  where you will not see and you will not find it.

8.     You remember you are out of toilet paper when you most need toilet paper.

9.     When you come back from the hardware store with a screw to replace the one you lost, you will immediately find the screw that you dropped.

10.   If you write a 700 word post and forget to periodically hit save, your computer will close unexpectedly.

I suppose there are more to the list, that’s all I’ve got fro know.

20 comments:

  1. laughing at lots of these. :) so true.

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  2. "If you write a 700 word post and forget to periodically hit save, your computer will close unexpectedly. "

    I know that one, Oh, how I know that one!

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  3. Funny, yet so much truth here. You're a master satirist.

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  4. We call all those things "the Myers curse".

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  5. These are spot on. Yes they are and I've lived through some of them, and the rest I've watched hubby do.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  6. You have to quit following me around....

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  7. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

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  8. Syrup. That's what I'm always out of.

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  9. #9; if I had a dollar for every time I have done that, I could buy a house, no mortgage involved.
    #8 would never happen in my home. I buy a new bulk supply as soon as I open the last package of the previous bulk supply. My kids used to bring their friends home just to show off the toilet paper stack.

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  10. My husband always says that I got be prepared as we do not know when things will go wrong.

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  11. My brother's infamous 50-50 guarantee: if it breaks in half, you get to keep both pieces.

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  12. The 20-year-old son who falls deathly ill at 5:00 p.m. on a Saturday and costs you $200 for five hours in the ER will fall deathlier ill on Sunday at 2:00 p.m. and cost you another $200 and nine more hours in the ER so he can have tests that rule out his imminent demise, and four shots of morphine to finally stop the pain in his head.

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  13. Here's one for you. The new snow will stick to your satellite dish just enough to break up the signal just before your team begins its first football game in the playoffs in years. You will spend the next hour on various ladders with various long handled tools trying to brush the snow off the dish. You will finally succeed but your team will lose anyway.

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  14. If you run out of salt and go to the grocery store, you will come out $60 later and arrive at home without the salt.

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  15. Loved your list, I can relate with the toilet paper. I would add the one thing you want from the box you are unpacking is at the bottom of the box.

    Betty

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  16. You have had a lot of misadventures with screws. So frustrating! I feel your pain especially concerning pistachios because that very thing just happened to me, spoiling the whole pistachio experience and reminding me of how expensive they were to begin with.

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  17. When you're lying on the floor hugging an 8ft Christmas tree and your neighbours pass by the window - When you in the back of a van straddling a very angry sheep and you pull up at the lights next to a car full of people - when you accidentally grab the bottom of your tee shirt along with the towel you are trying to hang on the line and pull it up just as your neighbour looks out of the window ... Oh yes, I know ALL about that bloody Murphy!

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  18. Could relate to almost all of those and could laugh since they weren't happening right now but are lurking in the future.

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  19. Major LOL

    Regarding losing your vast amount of text: there is some combination of keys (I think the A is one of them) that deletes a large portion of what I've written at times. Drives me crazy!

    When I remember to do so, I use my cell to snap a picture of what I've written if I'm being long-winded. It has saved me a couple times. I have to type it over, but at least I don't have to remember what I said.

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