I just read
a post over at River’s
where she
laughed at the line in a TV show, “He’s as worthless as a fart in a
hurricane.”
I’ve heard
that line before, it is funny. It got me
to thinking, “FART” is probably the funniest word in the English
language. Any story or joke with the
word “FART” in it, is sure to get a laugh.
Listening to
a serious sermon in church and the pastor, or anyone lets one slip, and the
whole congregation will about die trying to keep from busting out.
I’ve told my
son that when I am gone, I want him to slip one of those remote fart machines
in the casket. He has been instructed to
push the button at the most inappropriate time possible.
Damn, I only
wish I could be there.
Even today
the word is not to be used in proper company.
Instead they say “Pass gas,” “Break wind,” or “Cut the cheese.” When little children are around we say
someone “Fluffed.” It doesn’t matter
what you call them, they always make you laugh.
I guess “FART”
is considered “a four letter word” not to be uttered around polite company, but
it is such a funny word, it is so harmless, I think it should be used to
replace the really offensive four letter words.
Many a fight
would be averted if an annoying person was told to “Fart off!” or “Go fart yourself”
or “Fart you, you fart hole” (actually that one may be a bit offensive).
Anyway,
point is “Fart” is a funny, unoffensive word. A fart knows no religion, race, political
affiliation, or social standing. A fart
is a fart. We all fart, and they are always funny. Even stinky farts are funny. Sure they receive an “EWW, that is
disgusting!” response, but then laughter follows.
Men are
often proud of their farts. Even stinky
ones. Women are embarrassed by them and
will always blame the dog. Even if there
is no dog, they will blame the dog.
Then there
is the SBD, we all know what that is. An
SBD in an elevator will result in muffled giggles and lots of finger
pointing. Often no one will even mention
the occurrence of an SBD because of the rule
“He who smelt it dealt it.”
There is an
election coming up this November. There will
be televised debates. I don’t know at
this time who I will be voting for. I am waiting the results of those
debates.
I will definitely vote for any
candidate that lets one fly and continues answering a question without pause.
That is composure
under pressure.
That’s all I
have on this subject. Hope you liked
it.
If not, FART-OFF!
It took me about 15 seconds to decipher SBD.
ReplyDeleteMawMaw Mary used to just walk along and fart and not care a bit. The children always found her most entertaining. Indeed, i hope i become that kind of a MawMaw.
ReplyDeleteOMG, I laughed until I . . . .
ReplyDeleteNever mind.
Here in the heartland, we say, "First smeller's the feller."
ReplyDeleteI know after surgery one of the things they monitor is if you pass gas or not. Passing gas gets you a discharge from the hospital, not makes you stay a bit more. So regardless of what we may think of it, we all need to do it, though of course social distancing.
ReplyDeleteBetty
Farting in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. And some politicians are as welcome as a fart in a space suit.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
It also took me a minute with SBD.
ReplyDeleteWe were on a Zoom family meeting last night and all of a sudden most of the people in one window walked away. By the look on their faces, we all knew what happened. The person still remaining blamed it on the dog, but her smile said otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI gave my dad a fart machine years ago. He enjoyed taking it places he probably shouldn't have until it "mysteriously" disappeared. My mom claims she had nothing to do with it, but we all know better. A fart during the presidential debates would actually be a welcome change to some of the nonsense that normally goes on.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember a lot from my high-school English classes (Moby Dick had something to do with a whale), but I do remember one line from The Crucible with crystal clarity - "A fart on Giles Corey!" Completely broke the class down for 10 minutes. . .
ReplyDeleteDo you remember whoopee cushions? They make a farting sound when you sit on them. Great fun at funerals.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Over here in Hawaii, we say old fut (old fart).
ReplyDeleteYou should fart in a yoga class :)
ReplyDeleteWe all say Fart and polite company be damned. We don't care.
ReplyDeleteWe used to have a dog back in the 80's who would fart, then look at each of us accusingly as he slunk out the door.
Bwahahahahahahahaha. I like how you think, Joe.
ReplyDeleteI love your casket idea.
Have a farttastic day. 😎
Hahahahaha. Here in Idaho they say, "useless as a fart in a skillet." My mom always blamed it on her new shoes no matter if they were new or not. My boys, most boys, all boys, have names for them. The "dutch oven" and "crop duster" are two of the most disgusting kind...
ReplyDelete