STUPID HEADLINES 012515

STUPID HEADLINES 012515

Who knew?

It is time again for

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo. 'None of the above' may be the correct answer.

So as not to influence guessing, comments will not be published until Monday. 

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California girl’s high school basketball coach suspended after 161-2 victory – That is one tough school for suspending him, they only gave up two points and that was a lucky basket!

Rooster in the road causes three car pile-up – Three more people wondering, “WHY? Why?”

Papa John's Pizza stands by employee who shot armed robber in self defense – Employee not fired for firing before being fired at.  Better employees, Better employer, Papa John’s

Pair tried to smuggle heroin-laced Bible into jail – Is there a law against mainlining Deuteronomy?

Former British Surgeon Says Americans Should Eat More Haggis To Fight Obesity – It should work.  It’s kind of like jamming your finger down your throat.

Paris Hilton is considering hiring a nanny for her new puppy – Wanted, reliable person to work for pampered spoiled creature.  Must be willing to work on call and will be expected to clean up vomit and other messes; may have to take care of a small dog as well.

Black ice causes havoc on northeast highways – When I heard this on TV I was outraged.  Then I looked up and saw…oh, black ICE, not black Guys.

Five-year-old boy gets a bill for missing school friend's birthday party – If he pays up, I hope he gets soda, a slice of pizza, cake, and a goody bag!

Wife Stunned After Husband Bulldozes Their Home While She's Away – Obviously the start of a complete remodel, I’m sure he will get around to redoing it on weekends.

California man close to running 7 marathons on 7 continents in 7 days – San Francisco runner gasped in an interview after the sixth race, “Please God, tell me there aren’t eight continents!"

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Last week’s fake headline was:

Sink falls from sky and lands in farmhouse…no one hurt – Farmer wakes up yelling, “Alright, alright I’ll swim!”

Must have been too easy because here are the winners:

fishducky

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!! I think it's Sink falls from sky and lands in farmhouse…no one hurt

TexWisGirl

the pale forehead is tempting, but i'll go with sink or swim, alex. :)

Hilary

And you say you can't keep up with punning! That sink or swim headline and subsequent remark has to be it.
Hilary is still the queen of word play!

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip,

“Alright, alright I’ll swim!”
Is a great follow up to a fake headline

Val

I think I'll take the Sky Sink. It's raining plumbing fixtures? Something for nothing? That's too good to be true.

I talked myself out of Castro's John Henry, because it was probably a form letter with a name stamp, and the vicious llampaca because I think they're notoriously cranky like camels. Perhaps I'm over-analyzing...
You think? Come on Val, contestants on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” take less time to answer!

Stephen Hayes

You're making this harder; I've usually read half the headlines and know they're real, and now you won't let me cheat. For me this is a very humbling feature, like that ten year old kid on Jeopardy a few weeks ago who beat me in the Art category. Anyway, I pick sink falls from sky, even though if it had it probably would have landed on ME!

I can’t believe anyone knows more about art than Stephen.

Sandee

Sink falls from sky and lands in farmhouse…no one hurt is my pick.
Have a fabulous day Cranky. Hello to Mrs. Cranky. ☺

J

Ummm, s'cuse me, but you forgot to add this disclaimer to #8: "MOST llama-alpaca hybrids are peaceful, law abiding creatures."
And this week, put me down for whatever Sandee picks.
Thank you!

Come on J, you can’t just use Sandee’s answer, you are disqualified.  However, you do win a WHOOP-TEE-DOO for using a comment that ties into Saturday’s Cranky Opinion post and making me laugh to the edge of having an accident.

Stop by and congratulate all the winners, and come back next week for more:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

For those fans of the wonderful "Lo" I received an email, she is fine, just too busy right now to post.