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Monday, November 25, 2019

WASP* SALAD

WASP* SALAD
 
As some of you may know, I love, love, love TV.  I am not ashamed of loving TV.  I watch everything on TV, except for PBS.  Well I even watch some shows on PBS, but I am not one of those TV snobs,

“Oh I hardly ever watch TV and when I do I only watch PBS.”


I watch everything except “Honey Boo Boo,” “Revenge” (a Friggin whisper-fest) and “Once Upon a Time” (In a plot jam? Wave a wand and presto; shit happens and there is a new plot…Yeech!)


My favorites are cooking shows.  I watch “How to’s” and Cooking Contests.  I even watch “Rachel Ray.”


I have learned a lot from these shows, and I do like to cook.  Several things about most cooking shows do annoy me.


Everything is quick and easy. 
Yeah, after someone else has already chopped everything, measured everything and sautéed everything.  All you have to do is dump it into a $500 mixer, turn it on, pour it into a pan, put it into the oven and at the same time pull an already perfectly cooked batch out of the blue.


I also hate how they tell you what you can do if you want to.


“I like to add Sicilian olives soaked in Brazilian tomatoes for three weeks with some Himalayan salt and Portuguese pepper, but you can just use any canned olives if you want.”


Why thank you!  I can also add raisins and a pint of vodka if I want.  I don’t really need you to announce the rules!  Anyway, maybe it’s just me.


The last thing I hate is the audience reaction every time garlic, hot peppers or booze is added to a concoction.  They go crazy with applause and laughter and oohs and ahhs.  “Ooh wine! I drink wine!  I’m a lush! Ooh ooh!”


Just stop it! Most of these people have eggnog on Christmas Eve and think that is a big deal.  Besides, the alcohol is all burned off anyway.  Damn! Anyway, maybe it’s just me.


Oh, I missed this last thing I hate about these shows; “The Taste Test.”


EVERYTHING IS TO FRIGGIN DIE FOR!  The yumm’s the wows, the foodgasms over everything from fried kale to cheesy French fries.


Anyway, perhaps that is just I.


Oh yeah, this post, WASP SALAD.


With Thanksgiving coming up I am offering my favorite Thanksgiving recipe, WASP SALAD.


WASP Salad is really just Waldorf salad, but my  Irish former in-laws called it WASP SALAD.  I never thought of it as being “Ethnic” food. To me “Ethnic” food is anything that is not grilled or boiled, or that ends in a vowel.  My Irish in-laws  loved my WASP SALAD.  At least they claimed they did, but we always had a lot of left-over’s so maybe not. 


Who cares, I love it and here is my recipe:


WASP SALAD


Take four apples and cut into small 1/4 to 1/2 inch cubes.  (You can cut in different size cubes if you want.) I like red crunchy sweet apples (you can use soft green crappy apples if you want.)


Wait, you know what?  No you can’t!  Make it exactly like I say, or don’t make it at all!  Called it German WASP SALAD.


Coat all the apple chunks in lemon juice.  Why?  Because I said so**!


Take several stalks of fresh celery and chop into small, but not fine, bits.


Of course wash it first…damn do I have to explain everything?


Add the celery to the apple chunks and then mix in chopped walnuts and raisins. How many? I prefer just the right amount.


Here comes the part that creeps out non-WASPS.  Add mayonnaise to this mixture.  You can use any mayonnaise you like, but in case there is a WASP at the table, tell them you used Hellman’s.  WASPS think there is a difference; don’t upset them.  Mix the mayonnaise until everything is covered with a fine film, and then add more mayonnaise.  Keep adding mayonnaise until it starts to look disgusting, then stop.


Chill, serve with the turkey, and enjoy watching the Lions get their ass kicked on TV. 


WASP salad is also excellent with left-over turkey sandwiches the next day.

*White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestants.
**Lemon juice keeps the apples from turning brown

Re-run from November 2014

18 comments:

  1. This just made my day--Joe, they don't call ya Cranky Old Man for nothin'! I see this was a rerun, but it was new to me--I need to go back & start reading your older stuff! Anyway, that Wasp salad sounds awfully good--and I'm going to do ya one better in the TV Snob Dept, back in the day I DID watch 'Honey Boo Boo' and loved every minute of it! (It was required viewing by the women in my office!) You haven't lived until you seen Punkin, Boo Boo & Chubette fill a washtub with expired eggnog and frozen frankfurters, and go bobbin' for hot dogs! Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving Joe--thanks for the good laugh today :)

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  2. Well this dago can tell the difference in Mayo's too. :-) I love Waldorf Salad or Wasp Salad.
    This made me laugh because we watch all these cooking shows as well and I get what you are saying. when The Chew was on people would get so upset that they used their hands or double dipped. If they only knew what happens in a restaurant. HA. I too love TV and hate when people say they don't watch it but have a 75" in their great room. WTF?

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  3. My mom used to make that, and I never tried it. Something about the apples and celery together. And maybe because she used Miracle Whip, which I despise. However, the more I think about it, that Wasp Salad might taste good ON a leftover turkey sandwich...

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  4. Nothing on those cooking shows are easy. I've made many a mess. I see you have too.

    Have a fabulous day and week, Joe. 😎

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  5. My version of Waldorf (or WASP) salad is essentially the same as yours. I used to dress it with mayonnaise (Hellman's, of course!), but now I use an oil and vinegar dressing that's sweetened with some much-reduced apple cider. I fool myself into thinking this is a healthier version than with mayo; even if it's not, it's delicious. A reader in Philadelphia.

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  6. PBS has cooking shows and I think some use "Dukes" mayo and claim it's the best. Anyway, I love Waldorf salad but have never made it. I like to leave that to the pros! I've tried some of the Pioneer Woman recipes and frankly I think you must have to live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere to like her stuff. But I'm not one to yuck anyone's yum.

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  7. I always record the Saturday cooking shows on PBS and watch them at my leisure. And yes, Waldorf Salad is a good thing but I'd never heard it called WASP Salad before. 'Course I learn a lot from you, Joe.

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  8. One reason I like Top Chef is that the judges don't act like everything tastes great.
    I love Waldorf Salad, but I'm also about the most WASPish person I know.

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  9. I love Waldorf salad. I make it often during the summer, but I was just thinking it might be wonderful at Thanksgiving....thanks for the reminder!

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  10. You know I don't think I've ever had this salad before. I've seen it in buffets but never tasted it or thought of making. Can't make it now for a holiday gathering as the daughter in law is not a fan of mayo no matter what brand it is :)

    betty

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  11. You can also add the turkey to the salad and it makes it taste better; the turkey, not the salad. If you don't have left over turkey you can substitute chicken. I prefer rotisserie chicken, but you can use any kind you like. Sorry. I just can't help myself.

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  12. "...keep adding mayonnaise until it starts to look disgusting.." then toss it out because that's WAY too much mayonnaise. Really, people don't want to eat spoonfuls of apple&celery flavoured mayonnaise. I'd stop at the "..coated with a thin film of mayonnaise" stage.
    I dislike cooking shows for several reasons which you have already covered, also because a lot of the ingredients they use are too expensive or hard to find and then of course I dislike the taste of red wine (any wine) which is the one most often used.

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  13. Wasp salad sounds good. Sadly gone are the days when I prepared such a dish.

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  14. What is the difference between mayonnaise and salad cream? Wasn't Waldorf salad invented in a hotel of the same name in the USA? I didn't know that, and I asked at the supermarket for some waldorfs. No one knew what I wanted, until I explained I wanted to make a Waldorf salad. They didn't have walnuts either ...

    God bless.

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  15. Thanks, you've solved my what other side offering. My recipe is mostly the same except no raisins and after the lemon juice I coat the apples with honey and proceed, guess the honey offsets the lemon like the raisins but doesn't stick to my teeth. Oh, I absolutely use Hellman's.

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  16. That is one of my favorites. Your show airs when Joe and on what channel??

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  17. haha
    well said when you mentioned that DO IT AS I SAID TO MAKE IT WASP SALAD ,so true i think sometimes chief online forget that they cannot use th e phrase "do blah blah if you want because it runs the whole effort at the end
    i found your recipe great Joe :)

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  18. I'm glad Food Shows, which I am addicted to BTW, do annoy someone else in how trite they can be... I'm not sure I Believe them when they say everything is Foodgazmic either. Especially the ones that are Contests with Real Master Chefs competing and they have them to use weird shit that no way anyone on Earth can make to taste Foodgazmic! Most of it looking more like Fear Factor Contest Foods... but we're going to make a marvelous Thanksgiving Stuffing out of it... yeah... right...

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