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Thursday, May 8, 2014

CRUISE CONTROL


CRUISE CONTROL
 
Mrs. Cranky does the driving in the Cranky family.  There are several reasons for this.  First, she will not let me drive her car, she says I’ll move the seat and the mirrors and she will never get them back to the correct Mrs. Cranky setting.  Second, she will not drive my Jeep because it has no cruise control.  Third she does not like the way I drive.  She says I keep bobbing my head; it’s a Tourette’s thing.

Anyway, when we are together we take her car and she drives.  I am fine with this as she is a pretty good driver; except for one thing… cruise control.

Mrs. Cranky drives me crazy with the cruise control.  I believe cruise control should only be used on long straight highways with practically no traffic.  That means it should only be used in Texas and Kansas.  Cruise control on the eastern seaboard is dangerous.

Mrs. C does not care, she insists on using cruise control.  When the car in front of Mrs. C does not decide to choose to drive at the Mrs. Cranky selected speed we creep up dangerously to their bumper before Mrs. C has to quickly pause the CC or veer suddenly to pass.  This makes me uneasy.

When a car pulls behind Mrs. C at a rate above the Mrs. C selected velocity it gets ugly.  If she cannot pull over due to traffic, much tailgating, light flashing, horn honking and finger raising ensues.  This makes me uneasy.

“Why do you bother with cruise control in this traffic?  It’s dangerous.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Then why is my hair standing on end?”

“You’re bald!”

“That is not the point.  That frickin cruise control makes me nervous and you have to pause it or override it so often what is the point?”

“I use less gas when on cruise control.”

“How do you know that?”

“That is what experts say, and I always get better mileage when I use cruise control.”

“You use cruise control on the highway.  The whole world gets better mileage on the highway whether they use cruise control or not.”

“I like cruise control!”

“It makes me nervous, let me drive.”

“No way, your head bobbing makes me nervous.”

“Maybe I get better mileage by bobbing my head.”

“Yeah, maybe, and maybe you’re a jerk!”

I think I am going to have to learn to get used to cruise control.

26 comments:

  1. My Mum was a terrible driver - seriously terrifying which is possibly why I never learned to drive and why I'm an excellent passenger - I never criticise, I'm just always grateful to get anywhere in on piece!

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  2. Hate to break it to Mrs. Cranky, but cruise control actually does very little for fuel economy. If anything it worsens it if you're in hilly country.
    If you have an airbag on your side of the vehicle, then that's all you can ask for I suppose. The way things tend to go around here, if there's more than one of us in the vehicle, I'm at the wheel. That's all there is to it. She likes to be driven around. So she can look in all the windows of all the big houses along the Lakeshore.
    Such is my lot in life. I *can* be a good passenger, but only if you're not a chronic tailgater. That makes me nervous. Rode with a chronic tailgater once. I said not a word, but I'd never ride with that person again. Ever.

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  3. You have my sympathy. Doc is also a cruise control user and it makes me crazy. He is not a very good driver and I seldom ride with him.

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  4. oh, that would make me terribly frightful, too! i'd be a nervous wreck waiting for a wreck! :)

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  5. I'm with you, Joe. Cruise control is for the freeway, and tailgating is naughty -- and dangerous.

    Tell her that your fans insist she protect you!!

    Pearl

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  6. Cruise control also works in Nebraska, South Dakota, and eastern Montana.
    It should not be used on wet pavement ...ever!

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  7. Bwahahahahahahaha. One thing for sure...you don't have a boring life. Fun stuff here even though it makes you nervous.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  8. Has Mrs. Cranky been in an accident, ever? With or without you. That's all I have to say. I ride with drivers who make me crazy. I just look out the window.

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  9. I can honestly say I don't even know how to set the cruise control on my car, which I've had for four years. And we drive from Massachusetts to New Jersey at least 5 times a year, among other long trips.
    Driving and marriage is a tricky thing. I'm still perplexed why my husband has a car with enough horsepower to launch him into orbit and yet his preferred speed around town is twenty five miles per hour.

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    Replies
    1. Marty, you made me laugh. If you go into orbit way as you go past my house!

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  10. I use my cc on the highway only. Like you said, all that engage/disengage drill is aggravating.

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  11. Another thing we have in common; my Mrs. C. does most of the driving. As an artist I distract really easily. "Oh look, a pretty cloud!" I also don't read signs and when she's in the car I make stupid mistakes I don't make when I drive alone.

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  12. I never get to drive unless I'm alone. I never use cruise control.

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  13. I always use cruise so I can dedicate a few more brain cells to avoiding the freaks on the road. probably makes Queenie crazy but she usually stays quiet 'cause I'd make her drive if she got cranky.

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  14. You and Mrs. Cranky may both have a problem...she is going to get good mileage but you may die and you may die for sure if you don't quit being a backseat driver. I am very worried about you guys!

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  15. Uh-oh. I'm like Mrs. Cranky, always using cruise control whenever I can. And I have the same problems with it. Maybe that's why SWMBO always has a grim look on her face when we go somewhere.

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  16. I do almost all of my driving around town, so I hardly ever use cruise control.

    My car is a stick shift; it really surprised me that it came with cruise control. For some reason I always thought they were for automatic transmissions only.

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  17. Oh no! Cruise control is definitely for highway cruising not city traffic. Reminds me a bit of years ago in New Zealand for some reason there was a common practice of everyone putting on their handbrake at every red light. And this was back when most people had manual (stick shift) cars. It was so weird and annoying.

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    1. Oh dear, I did not just call Mrs Cranky weird and annoying!

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  18. Sounds like it would be an entertaining ride just to listen to you too trade barbs. The Mrs. prefers to drive here as well--for the same reason in that she does not like the way I drive. The new family vehicle though has cameras and she does not like it. As such, I have been reinstated as family chauffeur--at least for now.

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  19. Kind of like driving with my 25 year old son who drives a little more aggresive than I do; I'm always reaching for the imaginery brake pedal on the passenger side and have known to close my eyes a few times when we are driving together. I do admire a woman that is comfortable with cruise control; I never could quite master it on those long stretches through Wyoming and Montana.

    betty

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  20. I totally agree with you on the cruise control. My husband is the guy everyone hates in the fast lane, because he won't break the cruise control to get out of the way. He does the bumper-riding thing also, until he can veer into another lane to go around. It's bad enough he's a master sweaver (swerver/weaver) without the cruise. I have to close my eyes when I feel that sudden death is imminent.

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  21. I'm not a driver, but I'm with you on this one. Cruise control is useless when you have to keep pausing or overriding it. How much gas does Mrs C save anyway? Half a cup? Save it for the long trip highways.

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  22. Hilarious post! The hubby does most of the driving here because I'm not real good with the angry driving skills oh and because I like to miss all of the potholes in the road. The times I have tried ends only with his backseat driving and me telling him that the ring on his finger doesn't mean that he is my driving instructor. Love the post and thanks again for the laugh!

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  23. One of you is going to have to get used to the others habits. Taking two cars is decidedly worse on gas. ;)

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  24. Bobbing head? lol

    No cruise control for me. I've always been a "safe" fast driver. I like the flexibility of lane changes, speed changes, etc. ...until I got my "first" speeding ticket a year ago. Maybe it's time I take some cruise control lessons from Mrs. Cranky.

    My husband only lets me drive when he is extremely tired from travelling or something. He's never said it, but I know I make him nervous. He throws hints, like, "If I were driving, I would have already been in the right lane by now since we have to turn right."

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