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Monday, May 26, 2014

A MEMORIAL DAY AT THE RACES - a cranky re-run

This cranky Monday re-run is from May 2011. 
This year we returned to the track for more of the same, Mrs. C lost $21 even after hitting a big longshot, "Shouldawouldacoulda" Watching "Sex and the City" finally pays off. 

It is Memorial Day Weekend and today Mrs. C myself and the step Cranks went to Monmouth Park Race track.  This is a tradition (last three years) and is always a good time. 
Mrs. C’s friend races horses and each year she reserves a section along the track rail and provides food and drink for a grand party.    

Thank you Jackie and Linda H.

Horse racing and betting is very exciting, but I must say it is mostly fun when you win.  Losing sucks. 

Picking a horse to bet on is a complicated process.  I generally analyze the odds, the horses performances over the last five races, the race distance, conditions, track – turf or dirt, times, weights, jockey, whether they are moving up or down in class and then taking all this information into consideration I pick a horse with a name that just stands out.

Using this strict set of racing criteria, I was unsuccessful in choosing a single winner, placer, or shower for the first five races.  This was not fun.

In order to have any fun at all, I started to screw with the track betting cashiers.  These people are deadly serious.  They deal with unhappy people a lot, and when they make a mistake superstitious gamblers are totally unforgiving.  They are perfect foils for the Cranky Old Loser.

“What is your bet sir?”

“Ah...I like the 2 horse in the 6th around the world please.”

“You know, around the world; win, place or dead last.”

“We don’t accept that bet sir.”

“Really…then let me have the 5 horse in the 7th to come up lame.”


“Ok, the 2 horse across the broad.”

“You mean across the board?”

“Ok that too.”

“For how much sir?”

“ $1.25…3 times.”

“Sir, the minimum bet is in increments of $2, $5, or $10!”

“OK, the 2 horse in the seventh to win for $5.”  He was reaching for a button to call security, it was time to quit messing around.

Before the day was done, I hit two races with the winner across the board and left with an actual profit of $2.00.  Mrs. C lost $2.00 overall.

The day was warm, the food was good, the races were exciting and we actually broke even on the betting (a first in this three year tradition.)

All in all it was a great day at the races.

Thank you to all the veterans who have sacrificed their time, their bodies and their lives so clowns like me have the freedom to enjoy such a beautiful day.  

Thank you also to the wives, husbands, children and the extended families of these brave citizens for the sacrifice they endure while their love ones risk their time and lives for our freedom.


  1. i think i'd join the party trackside, but do terrible with betting.

    bless you, cranky.

  2. What a fun way to spend Memorial Day. I like it and the not losing any money was great too.

    Have a great Memorial Day. ☺

  3. I've never been to a horse race. I think I'd find it interesting...until my horse came in last.

  4. I usually just wait until right before they close the betting windows, then pick whichever one has odds of about 10 to 1. Not a REALLY long shot, but enough that you can make a few bucks if you win. It works as good as any other scheme I've heard of. Actually, yours might be the best now that I think about it. I must try it. :)


  5. I took a friend to the track for his first time many years ago. He picked a horse named "Water Brownie" to win. It was something like 70 to 1. It won. I've never spoken to him again.

    O.K. That last line was a lie. After all he did buy beer for everyone.