NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Saturday, April 18, 2020

The Smoke Detector

The Smoke Detector

The other day my breakfast was ruined as every 30 seconds an annoying beep came from the basement family room.  I traced the annoying beep to a smoke detector in the basement. 

“Why is it f***ing beeping?”  I demanded of my more patient wife.  “The battery must be low,” came the calm response.

“The BATTERY? WTF, the thing is hard wired!”

“In case of a power shortage there is a battery as a back-up.  When the battery is low it beeps to warn you.”

“Really.  What happens if there is a power failure, the battery is low, but the beep function is defective?  We will all die!”

“Just change the battery……you’re a jerk.

After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery.  I twisted and turned back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.

Beep Beep!  “FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”

“That new battery is a couple of years old; it must not be any good.  Go out and get a new 9 volt and stop whining.  You’re a jerk.

The wife is almost never wrong on stuff like this, so I went to the hardware store for a new battery.  Forty-five minutes later I was back.  After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery.  I twisted and turned it back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.

Beep Beep! 

“FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”

“Are you sure you changed it correctly?  What a jerk!

“YES!!

Beep Beep.

Now I was really pissed.  After much twisting, turning and prying I pulled down the offending detector (again) and unplugged it from the hard wiring.

Beep Beep.

WTF!  I yanked out the battery.

Beep Beep.

Now I was really angry.  I ran to the garage, grabbed a hammer, and smashed the smoke detector to bits.  Silence.

“What did you do?”

“I busted the freaking thing up, that beep was driving me nuts.”

“That’s a short trip! Jerk.

Sweaty but satisfied that the battle was over I was again jolted by that annoying sound. 

Beep Beep.

I trudged downstairs hammer in hand ready to destroy.  Destroy what I did not know.  I stared at the hole in the ceiling and waited. 

Beep Beep. 

It was not coming from the ceiling.  Listening carefully I traced the sound.

Beep Beep.

Found it!  It was a Carbon Monoxide detector in the corner.  One of three in the room left by the former owner!  No carbon monoxide was going to get passed this basement unnoticed.  The freaking thing was just defective.  It is now defective about thirty yards into the woods where I chucked it.  Problem solved!

You’re a jerk!”  

A cranky re-run from June 2012 

12 comments:

  1. Maybe this classic Cranky should be added to your guys vs gals list--just reading this got me grumbling, hate these things! I hereby rule in your favor, Joe :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL :) Here in Arizona its a state law that if it is a rental house you need to have a smoke detector in every room of the house. Not fun when they start chirping (present house used to be a rental house and previous house we lived in Prescott was one too). Bit of an overkill to try to change all the batteries like they recommend twice yearly when time is changed (because after all we don't change the time in Arizona) but that chirping has been known to go off at the most inconvenient times (which is usually the case). I don't think we have a carbon monoxide reader here....

    betty

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've never heard of a carbon monoxide detector in a house. At least nothing now is beeping at you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Heh, heh! My favorite part: "It is now defective about thirty yards into the woods where I chucked it."

    ReplyDelete
  5. I enjoyed the first one and now laughing again at the second. Many thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Agreed ... it is so annoying when you hear the bleeping sound and you can't tell which smoke detector needs the battery changing. So you take ALL the batteries out of ALL the smoke detectors in the house and you still hear the sound because it is the parakeet having some ***##*** fun with you!

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh have been there. Didn't have quite as violent a solution though truly felt like it. Another difference between men and women ( Mrs C. excluded). We think hammers, drowning and pitching into the woods but don't while you just do it and feel much better.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The previous owner put numerous smoke and Carbon monoxide detectors in our basement, which is rather large. It's nearly impossible to ever figure out which one is going off. I understand!

    ReplyDelete
  9. This reminds me of the Friends episode when Phoebe's smoke detector wouldn't stop beeping. I've beaten a few alarm clocks to bits when they wouldn't stop, so I understand where you're coming from.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Those things are annoying, but i still wouldn't want to be without one.

    ReplyDelete
  11. One of the things that I hope will not conk off during this period - the inverter.

    ReplyDelete
  12. oh my god
    you almost dragged me into your situation hahaha

    sometimes things happen abruptly and we are unable to see what is actually wrong here :)

    i bet you will be dreaming about that beeping for a while

    ReplyDelete