She did it again
I just went
downstairs for a late-night snack of some cinnamon sugar-coated pecans Mrs. C had
ordered from the internet. These things
are sooo good I can’t tell you. I only
eat a few at a time but they make a great late-night snack.
Hmm, they
didn’t seem to be in the usual place. I
checked under all the towels, and still nothing. Disappointed, I just grabbed a slice of Velveeta,
a cheese like product, and came back upstairs.
“You
Bitch!”
“What?”
“Don’t
give me what, you know what you did.”
“I have
no idea.”
“Please! I
know that you know what you did!”
“What?”
I’m no fool,
I know this trick. Never admit to
anything until you are sure that the jig is up.
I know because sometimes she will accuse me of something with that “You
know what you did” simply as a covert means of eliciting an admission of
something that she had not actually uncovered.
I’ve been tripped up a few times too and admitted to something she had
no idea. It is a clever subversion that
she thought I might be attempting on her.
Thus, the quizzical response.
“You hid
those pecan things!”
“Yes, and
you found them I can tell you were chomping on something. You are going to finish the whole bag.”
“Well
Hell, you only eat like one at a time, and you eat in little baby bites. You make a sugar-coated pecan nut last a day.”
“So, I
have to hide them so I have one if I want it.”
“I’d save
you a few, and I didn’t find them, I just had a piece of cheese!”
“Good,
you’ve had your share.”
Three months
from now those nuts will turn up someplace untouched from when squirrel lady
hid them.
Two jars, one for you and one for her. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joe. 😎
ME (after getting an email last night from my old classmate Pam): Why am I 58 and still single, life's a drag :(
ReplyDeleteME (after reading about Joe's wife hiding his nuts): Life is good! :)
Yep ... I know exactly what you're talking about. Where are the salted peanuts, and the potato chips, and the cans of Guinness and where the ***####*** is everything else I buy and then they vanish as soon as we're home?
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Squirrel lady! Ha!
ReplyDeleteI never play into "You know what you did." My answer tends to be, "If you don't want to tell me what's wrong then feck off. I have other things to do." It doesn't calm the argument, but it usually elicits enough rage that the person will at least give me a clue to what's upset them. I don't like arguments. I won't play games with them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comment of individual jars. But she may be clever with that too and find a way to hide yours too!
ReplyDeleteBetty
You just want to hope that, when those things do turn up one day, that they're still fit to eat. Once upon a time, *someone* thought it a good idea to hide some Easter Chocolate from me. Forgot about it (and I didn't know, of course) and when she (er, I mean *someone*) found them again, it was all so stale and white, that there was no way it could be safely consumed. It was a tragedy.
ReplyDeleteCinnamon sugar coated nuts are delicious! I hide the dark chocolate almonds here because I would also like them to last more than 2 days. Just sayin!
ReplyDeleteYou deserve your own jar.
ReplyDeleteI see this as a challenge for you. You have nothing but TIME! Divide the rooms into sectors, and do a thorough search each day. Try to do it while Mrs. C is not in the room, or she will catch on and move them to a place you already searched!
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and find those nuts. Divide them into two equal shares and put her share back where she hid them. Enjoy yours. But then don't complain you don't have any when she eventually eats one of hers.
ReplyDeleteYou have such fun in your house. You should make a film.... seriously.
ReplyDeleteSo sad I had to follow the annoying Anonymous.
Evidently Mrs. C is WAY mellower about being called a bitch than my wife would EVER be. . .
ReplyDeleteYou need not only your own bag, but a hiding place of your own (of course, hiding things from a Squirrel Lady is harder than it sounds. . .)
Like many politically incorrect names people may be called, "Bitch" is only as offensive as the intent behind it's usage. Mrs. C knows my intent. If she thought I meant it with bad intentions I would be smarting from the wrong end of a frying pan.
DeleteI'm sure your "bitch" to her is like her "jerk" to you--terms of endearment:) You really do need to learn the hiding trick thought Joe and beat her to it. BTW, you can easily make those and they are even more delicious than the store bought ones. If I can make them, they are easy.
ReplyDeleteI laughed when I read "you bitch"--my mom & dad loved each other but the only times I heard "dear" or "sweetheart" was on TV. Mom got stuff like "Hey Edith" or "Nice going Gracie", my dad got stuff like a--hole & dipsh-t :)
DeleteExactly! BTW, Craig knows this too, I understood his comment and it did give me a chuckle. My response was for others who may actually be offended by the word.
Deletei think she likes the snacks much more :)
ReplyDeleteonly solution is to have your own and try to take it slow :)