It’s a Misteak

It’s a Misteak

(A Cranky lockdown rant)

Sheltering in place on Sunday, it was a Learning Channel marathon of “Four Weddings.”  This is a show where brides attend each other’s weddings and then critique them.  The winner gets a nice Honeymoon destination vacation.

Yes, this is a horrible show, except Mrs. C, and I assume lots of women love it.  Women love weddings.  I watch it for its train wreck quality and also maybe there is a gay gene deep in my cerebellum that kicks in.

The women critique the venue, decorations, vows, dress, music and food.   

It is the food critique that drives me nuts.

“The food was too cold.”

“I did not like the vegetables.”

“The mashed potatoes were too mushy.”

“The mashed potatoes were not mushy enough.”

The number one complaint, a universal complaint, and in reflection a complaint not limited to this show, but to women in general.

“The steak was raw!”

The steak, as shown on the complainers, plate is not raw.  The steak is always medium.  Medium, as warm red in the middle.  If warm red in the middle is RAW, don’t order the meat, order the chicken!

My daughter just does not like red meat, she never did and she just won’t order it.  I can respect that.  My second wife always ordered her steak well done, and generally did not order steak.  Mrs. C does not mind red meat, she eats it, does not like it well done, but it is not her favorite.  She seldom orders it.

Why do so many women order the steak and then complain it isn’t cooked?  

At a wedding they are cooking for over one hundred people, the chef can not cook meat to order for everyone, especially when Well, Medium, Medium Rare, and Rare mean different things to the uninitiated.

If you do not like meat cooked to warm red in the middle or less, you do not like meat.  Well done meat is dry.  If you like your meat dry, you do not like meat.  Order the chicken, the fish, or the tofu.

It would be like a man complaining about the decorations because 

“There was too much color, I hated the flowers, and everything was all frilly!”

These “Four Wedding” ladies drive me crazy with the meat complaints.

“The meat was raw.” 

“I think I saw my steak move.”

“I swear I heard it mooing.”
  
VERY FUNNY, but no, the meat was cooked correctly, you DON'T LIKE MEAT…ORDER THE CHICKEN!

OK, maybe this fourth week of house arrest is getting to me.    

I can not say thank you enough, not only to the doctors, nurses, all the healthcare workers, and first responders, but also to truckers, food producers, supermarket workers and everyone who is putting their own health at risk to keep the country afloat.

And, my weekly update to keep me on track; I lost another 1 1/2 pounds and am 4 push-ups from my goal.

Stay safe, keep your distance and wash your feckin hands.