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Friday, April 10, 2020

It’s a Misteak

It’s a Misteak

(A Cranky lockdown rant)

Sheltering in place on Sunday, it was a Learning Channel marathon of “Four Weddings.”  This is a show where brides attend each other’s weddings and then critique them.  The winner gets a nice Honeymoon destination vacation.

Yes, this is a horrible show, except Mrs. C, and I assume lots of women love it.  Women love weddings.  I watch it for its train wreck quality and also maybe there is a gay gene deep in my cerebellum that kicks in.

The women critique the venue, decorations, vows, dress, music and food.   

It is the food critique that drives me nuts.

“The food was too cold.”

“I did not like the vegetables.”

“The mashed potatoes were too mushy.”

“The mashed potatoes were not mushy enough.”

The number one complaint, a universal complaint, and in reflection a complaint not limited to this show, but to women in general.

“The steak was raw!”

The steak, as shown on the complainers, plate is not raw.  The steak is always medium.  Medium, as warm red in the middle.  If warm red in the middle is RAW, don’t order the meat, order the chicken!

My daughter just does not like red meat, she never did and she just won’t order it.  I can respect that.  My second wife always ordered her steak well done, and generally did not order steak.  Mrs. C does not mind red meat, she eats it, does not like it well done, but it is not her favorite.  She seldom orders it.

Why do so many women order the steak and then complain it isn’t cooked?  

At a wedding they are cooking for over one hundred people, the chef can not cook meat to order for everyone, especially when Well, Medium, Medium Rare, and Rare mean different things to the uninitiated.

If you do not like meat cooked to warm red in the middle or less, you do not like meat.  Well done meat is dry.  If you like your meat dry, you do not like meat.  Order the chicken, the fish, or the tofu.

It would be like a man complaining about the decorations because 

“There was too much color, I hated the flowers, and everything was all frilly!”

These “Four Wedding” ladies drive me crazy with the meat complaints.

“The meat was raw.” 

“I think I saw my steak move.”

“I swear I heard it mooing.”
VERY FUNNY, but no, the meat was cooked correctly, you DON'T LIKE MEAT…ORDER THE CHICKEN!

OK, maybe this fourth week of house arrest is getting to me.    

I can not say thank you enough, not only to the doctors, nurses, all the healthcare workers, and first responders, but also to truckers, food producers, supermarket workers and everyone who is putting their own health at risk to keep the country afloat.

And, my weekly update to keep me on track; I lost another 1 1/2 pounds and am 4 push-ups from my goal.

Stay safe, keep your distance and wash your feckin hands.


  1. Good for you for getting to your goal! This house arrest has been "good" for you I think?? Perhaps steak should be taken out of the menu for weddings since there is such a wide variety of ways people like it. Perhaps they should stick to "simple" things like chicken and perhaps salmon? Son's wife's cousin accompanied us one time to breakfast. She ordered steak and eggs at the restaurant. They asked her how she wanted the steak. She said "rare" not realizing really truly what it meant. When it came to her a bit "bloody" she kind of turned green so we suggested perhaps her rare really she meant well done. The steak got sent back, it came back well done, she was happy. I think she learned a lesson.......

    Cute show. I hadn't heard of this one before.


    1. The cousin said rare but meant unattainable, her desire was for a well done steak that was juicy; she didn't want steak she wanted high fat content ground beef.

  2. I love steak and cook it medium rare but both husbands have always preferred it well done. My sons prefer it rare, one son says just wave it across the barbecue and put it on my plate, which is a bit too rare for me. Well done steak has no flavour left in it. You could sole your shoes with it.

  3. I don't like bloody meat so I always avoided eating beef in a restaurant. Folk called me Fussy, but each to their own, I say.

  4. I watched that show once, but it was too catty for me. I agree with you that people shouldn't order steak if they are that picky, but there are those who would complain about pasta, too.

  5. That would drive me crazy too, but I’m guessing they have to have something to complain about.
    There are women around here sewing masks for the essential workers in our area. I interviewed a few of them over the phone.
    I also interviewed a nurse in New York City yesterday via the phone.
    This situation has created some new hero’s in my book.

  6. I never even heard of this show, but your men's review being "this wedding is too frilly" sure did give me a chuckle cuz YEP! Weddings are like this show, geared towards women. And I am joining the Cranky Old Man Meat Club :)

  7. I do like my steak rare. Warm to the touch will do. In Florida the cowboys often say "Just knock off the horns and wipe its butt." I don't go quite that far.

    1. That's definitely TOO rare. I'd like it skinned and at least a little turn on the grill.

  8. I always go for the chicken (if it is available) and as for the ambience, some people overdo it. All depends on the customer (here the couple) and their taste. They are paying it.

  9. Good for you on the weight loss......I lost 4 1/2 pounds and hit a feckin plateau.
    I never watch reality shows. They remind me of how low our tv options have become. Plus, I think they believe that "stupid is funny". Wrong.

  10. Grandma and Grandpa used to demand steak well done. Then a friend invited them to his home for a formal dinner. He served steak by candlelight, and they raved about how great it was. Halfway through dinner, the friend turned on the lights, and the steaks were medium. They both about passed out, then realized it was cooked and tasted great, and always ate their steaks medium after that. These ladies need the same treatment, i think.

  11. Don't you have a wedding in June? I ashamedly admit, I like my steak cooked medium well. I gag when its red and bloody. So yead, I do like chicken the best. I love prime rib (the end cut) all crusty.

  12. I have watched many a Four Weddings. Sometimes they complain if there's a wide selection where you go through a serving line, and sometimes they complain when there's a sit-down plate. Or they'll complain that no alcohol is allowed, or that people enjoyed the open bar too much. I think it's just an excuse to rate the other brides lower.

    We enjoy our steaks medium rare, and I even ask for chopped steak medium at a steakhouse. Some will serve it to me that way, while others have a note on the menu saying that it can't be served that way because it's a health issue. I guess some of the chains don't care if they kill me with E. coli.

  13. Good on ya to be able to sit with Mrs.C and watch that....whatever it is. Takes courage. Or something.
    In the steak department, it has taken me years, years I say, to get my wife to eat steak that hasn't been cooked to death. The kids have long since moved out now, but once upon a time I could at least count on them to say, "Oh Mom, it's perfect!" Some sort of subliminal training I guess. So now she'll eat a steak that's medium. I like mine a little less than medium. When medallions (tenderloin) are ten bucks a pop, there's no damned way I'll over cook them. Happy Easter! Carry on.

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  15. Sounds like they should have ordered tofu. Ha! I often wish that television were as enjoyable as it used to be years ago. Today's 'reality' type shows don't interest me at all and can't hold a candle to old shows like All in the Family, Maud, Sanford and Son, Starsky and Hutch.

  16. oh it was quite hard to even read about red meat dear Joe
    just like your daughter either i never liked red meat (beef) and i can't event stand close if someone is having it ,what is wrong i don't know it's smell or may be it's so much red color

    yes it can be effect of constant relaying on t.v shows lol

    when men critique decoration it hurts
    congrats for loss of another pound
    stay well and healthy !