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Sunday, January 20, 2019
STUPID HEADLINES 012018
This weeks stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
Walmart bans woman who rode cart while drinking wine from Pringles can - Banned from Walmart? Who knew they had any standards; I guess they draw the line on wine in a Pringles can?
Panties, bras fly from car during nearly 100 mph chase in Indiana – It is a well-known fact that most bras and panties can not stay on a car at speeds of 75 mph or higher.
An American president actually had to deny he is a foreign agent – Well someone asked him so I guess he had to deny it. I suppose if he was asked if he ever sang “Hello Dolly” in drag he would deny that as well.
Americans more likely to die from opioid overdose than in a car accident – Unless you drive a lot, and your odds do change dramatically if YOU DON’T TAKE OPIOIDS!!
Meghan Markle breaks royal protocol with dark pedicure and no tights – “I say, that is outrageous! I also understand that Harry was not wearing a powdered wig!”
Texas drug suspects called cops after somebody stole their weed – Two less geniuses for the Mexican cartel to worry about.
Man caught on camera putting bundle of marijuana in wrong mailbox – Clearly marijuana makes you stupid!
Pennsylvania police department seeking volunteers who can drink to inebriation – Finally, something that I am highly qualified for!
Nebraska college student builds 84 snowmen in one night – His parents must be sooo proud!
Hilton dishwasher awarded $21.5 million for having to work Sundays – Dang, I worked Monday thru Friday for 40 years and didn’t make anything near that much!
The Number 1 Who Gives A Crap story of the week:
Even With Rappers Set To Perform, Super Bowl's Halftime Show Remains Tone-Deaf – Here’s an idea, MARCHING BANDS!!
FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THEWEEK:
Kentucky driver seemingly tries to destroy snowman, surprised when they hit tree stump – I think I love an asshole meeting karma even more than a good dog story.