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Monday, January 28, 2019


Last week in “P-Whipped” I posted the three things men need in order to be happy (Food, shelter, and getting laid on a regular basis).  As a cranky old man, I think I qualify to be an expert on that topic.  This week I am stepping out well beyond my expertise and I am posting on what women want.  Before any women get their panties in a bunch about my unmitigated gall, this post is on what men THINK women want. 
Let me repeat that: This post is on what this stupid old man men THINKS women want. 

These “What Women Wants” are in no particular order.

Women want NOT to be told “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”  

Women want to be thin.  Every woman I have ever known wanted to lose at least five pounds.  They want to be thin for gay men and other women. Most men are perfectly happy with the extra five pounds on their women.  Why women want to please or impress gay men and other women is a mystery to me.

Women want children.  This is genetic and defies logic; it is a necessary instinct to assure survival of our species.  After childbirth many women have no idea what drove them to having a child.  They complain about how much work a child is, and twelve months later they start to think that one more would be a great idea.

Women, especially women with children want eight hours of sleep a night, they will settle for six.  They are lucky to get four.

Women want someone to take out the garbage.  Women will wash, clean, cook, and change diapers.  Women will even mow lawns and do yard work.  Some women will repair stuff and do carpentry.  No woman will take out the garbage.  I don’t know why.  It is way easier than most other tasks they will do; for some reason women draw the line on taking out the garbage.

Women want a warm set of feet in bed at night.  Once again, I don’t know why, but a hot water bottle will not do, they want a pair of warm feet.

Women want women friends and the time to get together with them.  They do not like their man to get together with other guys, but they have to have their girl’s night out.

Women want anyone to watch over their children from time to time (see women want eight hours of sleep).

Women want someone to listen to them.  They have their women friends; they also want their guy to listen to them.  It is hard for a guy to listen to anything women related for over seven minutes, it is the one thing we learn to fake.  When listening, NEVER NEVER tell a woman how she should feel!

Women want sex on a regular basis. (Interpretation of “regular basis” is often a subject of dispute between men and women.)   

Women want to shop.  Men hunt.  Shopping is the new gathering.

Women want shoes.  Women want shoes to match their every outfit; then they want more shoes.  When women have all the shoes they could possibly want, they want more shoes.

Every once and a while, women want a man to say thank you. 
Re-run from January 2014


  1. Omgosh.. The having children.. YES! After I had my first, well... He had to have a playmate, and so on and so on.. Hahahahaha. Oh. Also. The whole trash thing. Gross. Not it.

  2. Yes ... women want shoes ... and chocolates. Why not confuse them and give them shoes made of chocolate!

    God bless.

  3. I agree with everything except for shoes--I'd rather be barefoot!!

  4. I take out the garbage often. Something must be wrong with me. Okay, I already know what's wrong with me. Shoes? Not so much. Shopping? Not if I don't have to. I'm not your typical woman.

    Have a fabulous day and week, Joe. 😎

  5. I will share this with the hubby. You are spot on. Trash is an issue, hopefully you will shed light on the shoe issue. Very good.

  6. You pretty much hit on it Joe. Only thing I disagree is with the shoes. I just want my feet to be comfortable not fashionable. You have put a lifetime of observation to good use. When you understand, you can deal.

  7. Interesting that you think women want sex on a regular basis. I've been on a forum for 10 years and it drives me nuts that most men believe the opposite. Or maybe the only men on that site just never get any.

  8. Kurt Vonnegut once wrote, "I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to."

    You said it all better here, so why is Vonnegut a famous writer and you're only semi-famous?

  9. Women want what women want, and you'd better not forget it! Your list is pretty accurate, though you seem to have tapped into a shoe-immune readership.

  10. Looks to me like you've got it sussed pretty well.
    Except in my case, anyone can keep his warm feet to himself. I'm a 'hot' sleeper and warm feet would get anyone else kicked out of bed along with blankets etc.

  11. I think you've pretty much got it right.

  12. You're dancing with the devil Joe :)

  13. Your list is a winner. I'm not a girls night out gal though. I think it's because I work with mostly women and frankly we're pretty irritating.

  14. You are probably right about much of this when it comes to many women, but Sweetie has more shoes than i do, and i take out the garbage. Also, i use a heating pad at night, not warm feet.

  15. Vonnegut also said he is often asked "why are we here?" He said the answer is "We are put here to fart around." And I have it from his own lips, in a talk he gave at the University of Texas when I lived in Austin and went to hear him.

  16. You got it half right...but that is better than being all wrong.

  17. Most women want to eat anything they like without gaining weight.


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