This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Monday, January 7, 2019



As I get older, I think more and more about my bucket list – things I want to do before I move underground.  
I am a simple man, my list is pretty short:

1.     Catch a blue marlin

2.    Bowl a 300 game

3.    Shoot a hole-in-one

4.    Join the ½ mile high club (I am afraid of hights)

5.    Ask a famous person if he would like my autograph

6.    Jump in a NYC cab and yell “follow that car”

7.    Go to a fancy restaurant and order a box of wine

8.    Rent a Porsche and park it in my driveway on Christmas Eve with a big red bow on the hood

As much as I want to achieve these things there is also a list of stuff I have never done and plan to meet my maker without ever doing them.  I call this my F*CKIT list:

1.    I have never shot a gun, I aim to keep it that way.

2.    I will never have a threesome (there could be some wiggle room on this one).

3.    I will never jump out of a plane with or without a parachute.

4.    I will never go camping (I might be convinced to spend a night in a tent if it included #2).

5.    I never ate a dill pickle I intend to keep it that way.

6.    I have never masturbated.

7.    I have never told a lie

8.    I never let the air out of Miss Gromlick’s car tire when she failed me in Trigonometry, i'm not going to start now.

9.    I have never keyed someone’s car after they pissed me off by taking my parking space that I had been waiting for last Christmas Eve at the Menlo Park Mall and I never will.

10.                       I have never gone to an Opera and plan to keep it that way.

11.                       I have never sang karaoke, never will.....fuckit!

12.                       I have never egged Mrs. Rosenthall’s house because she wouldn’t let me cut through her back yard as a short cut to my friend’s house when I was 12, why would I start now?

These are all things that I have never ever done and vow to never ever do. 

What things are on your F*CKIT list?
Re-run from December 2011


  1. Wiggle room on the threesome? You better hope Mrs C doesn't read this.
    I don't have a bucket list, never mind a f***it list.

  2. I am NOT going to take a leaf out of your book. I'd rather die happy.....grins.

  3. I would like to walk with dolphins. Swimming with them is easy and everyone does it.

    God bless.

  4. I like that concept although I have already done five of the things on your list.

  5. Hilarious! I will never eat raw seafood or bungee jump.

  6. I'm too old to have a list like this. It would change every five minutes anyway. I do love your list and I laughed out loud that you never masturbated. I knew that was a lie.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

  7. Those were fun lists. Numbers 6 and 7 on both lists cracked me up. The rest just made me giggle.

  8. Never wanted to scale the Empire State Building with a giant gorilla or climb a mountain that doesn't have a hiking trail.

  9. I will never eat a sweet pickle or watch The Exorcist.

  10. #8 sounds wonderful on your list, and I think skydiving would never work for you anyway since you could only go 1/2 mile up. Good choices.

  11. I've done 5 on your F*CKIT list. Too funny.

  12. The one thing one my bucket list that keeps bugging me because I haven't been able to do it yet is to get a picture of an egret standing on a cow.

    I've been trying for two years... some day!


I love comments, especially some of my commentors are funny as heck!

Currently only Google Account users can comment due to numerous annoying anonymous spam.

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!