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Monday, January 7, 2019

MY F*CKIT LIST

MY F*CKIT LIST

As I get older, I think more and more about my bucket list – things I want to do before I move underground.  
I am a simple man, my list is pretty short:

1.     Catch a blue marlin


2.    Bowl a 300 game


3.    Shoot a hole-in-one


4.    Join the ½ mile high club (I am afraid of hights)


5.    Ask a famous person if he would like my autograph


6.    Jump in a NYC cab and yell “follow that car”


7.    Go to a fancy restaurant and order a box of wine


8.    Rent a Porsche and park it in my driveway on Christmas Eve with a big red bow on the hood


As much as I want to achieve these things there is also a list of stuff I have never done and plan to meet my maker without ever doing them.  I call this my F*CKIT list:


1.    I have never shot a gun, I aim to keep it that way.


2.    I will never have a threesome (there could be some wiggle room on this one).


3.    I will never jump out of a plane with or without a parachute.


4.    I will never go camping (I might be convinced to spend a night in a tent if it included #2).


5.    I never ate a dill pickle I intend to keep it that way.


6.    I have never masturbated.


7.    I have never told a lie


8.    I never let the air out of Miss Gromlick’s car tire when she failed me in Trigonometry, i'm not going to start now.


9.    I have never keyed someone’s car after they pissed me off by taking my parking space that I had been waiting for last Christmas Eve at the Menlo Park Mall and I never will.


10.                       I have never gone to an Opera and plan to keep it that way.


11.                       I have never sang karaoke, never will.....fuckit!


12.                       I have never egged Mrs. Rosenthall’s house because she wouldn’t let me cut through her back yard as a short cut to my friend’s house when I was 12, why would I start now?


These are all things that I have never ever done and vow to never ever do. 


What things are on your F*CKIT list?
Re-run from December 2011

13 comments:

  1. Wiggle room on the threesome? You better hope Mrs C doesn't read this.
    I don't have a bucket list, never mind a f***it list.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am NOT going to take a leaf out of your book. I'd rather die happy.....grins.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would like to walk with dolphins. Swimming with them is easy and everyone does it.

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like that concept although I have already done five of the things on your list.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hilarious! I will never eat raw seafood or bungee jump.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm too old to have a list like this. It would change every five minutes anyway. I do love your list and I laughed out loud that you never masturbated. I knew that was a lie.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  7. Those were fun lists. Numbers 6 and 7 on both lists cracked me up. The rest just made me giggle.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Never wanted to scale the Empire State Building with a giant gorilla or climb a mountain that doesn't have a hiking trail.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I will never eat a sweet pickle or watch The Exorcist.

    ReplyDelete
  10. #8 sounds wonderful on your list, and I think skydiving would never work for you anyway since you could only go 1/2 mile up. Good choices.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've done 5 on your F*CKIT list. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The one thing one my bucket list that keeps bugging me because I haven't been able to do it yet is to get a picture of an egret standing on a cow.

    I've been trying for two years... some day!

    ReplyDelete

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