MY F*CKIT LIST
As I get older, I think more and more about my bucket list – things I want to do before I move underground.
I am a simple man, my list is pretty short:
1. Catch a blue marlin
2. Bowl a 300 game
3. Shoot a hole-in-one
4. Join the ½ mile high club (I am afraid of hights)
5. Ask a famous person if he would like my autograph
6. Jump in a NYC cab and yell “follow that car”
7. Go to a fancy restaurant and order a box of wine
8. Rent a Porsche and park it in my driveway on Christmas Eve with a big red bow on the hood
As much as I want to achieve these things there is also a list of stuff I have never done and plan to meet my maker without ever doing them. I call this my F*CKIT list:
1. I have never shot a gun, I aim to keep it that way.
2. I will never have a threesome (there could be some wiggle room on this one).
3. I will never jump out of a plane with or without a parachute.
4. I will never go camping (I might be convinced to spend a night in a tent if it included #2).
5. I never ate a dill pickle I intend to keep it that way.
6. I have never masturbated.
8. I never let the air out of Miss Gromlick’s car tire when she failed me in Trigonometry, i'm not going to start now.
9. I have never keyed someone’s car after they pissed me off by taking my parking space that I had been waiting for last Christmas Eve at the Menlo Park Mall and I never will.
10. I have never gone to an Opera and plan to keep it that way.
11. I have never sang karaoke, never will.....fuckit!
12. I have never egged Mrs. Rosenthall’s house because she wouldn’t let me cut through her back yard as a short cut to my friend’s house when I was 12, why would I start now?
These are all things that I have never ever done and vow to never ever do.
What things are on your F*CKIT list?
Re-run from December 2011
Wiggle room on the threesome? You better hope Mrs C doesn't read this.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a bucket list, never mind a f***it list.
I am NOT going to take a leaf out of your book. I'd rather die happy.....grins.
ReplyDeleteI would like to walk with dolphins. Swimming with them is easy and everyone does it.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I like that concept although I have already done five of the things on your list.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I will never eat raw seafood or bungee jump.
ReplyDeleteI'm too old to have a list like this. It would change every five minutes anyway. I do love your list and I laughed out loud that you never masturbated. I knew that was a lie.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joe. ☺
Dill pickles are great!!
ReplyDeleteThose were fun lists. Numbers 6 and 7 on both lists cracked me up. The rest just made me giggle.
ReplyDeleteNever wanted to scale the Empire State Building with a giant gorilla or climb a mountain that doesn't have a hiking trail.
ReplyDeleteI will never eat a sweet pickle or watch The Exorcist.
ReplyDelete#8 sounds wonderful on your list, and I think skydiving would never work for you anyway since you could only go 1/2 mile up. Good choices.
ReplyDeleteI've done 5 on your F*CKIT list. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing one my bucket list that keeps bugging me because I haven't been able to do it yet is to get a picture of an egret standing on a cow.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying for two years... some day!