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Thursday, April 2, 2015

Which came first, the Jerk or the Bitch?

Which came first, the Jerk or the Bitch?
Which came first, the jerk or the bitch?  It’s a question I am sure that many married couples ask.  It was asked in the Cranky home this morning.  It started when Mrs. C complained to me that I over cooked her waffle.  

I guess I need to explain.

Every morning I get my breakfast, eggs and bacon, and when I come back upstairs with my cup of coffee I bring Mrs. Cranky a glass of OJ and a toasted Eggo Waffle (plain, no syrup…I KNOW!).  This morning she complained to me that I left the waffle in the toaster too long while I was brewing my coffee.

“Next time, brew your coffee first, so you don't leave the waffle in the toaster.  That overcooks it.”

How she knew I toasted the waffle and then hit “brew” on the Kurig thing leaving the toasted waffle in the still hot toaster I’ll never know…she just knows stuff. 

Anyway I complained that she doesn’t appreciate that I bring a waffle and juice to her every morning.

“I never ask you to make it for me, but if you are going to make it, make it right.”

“Oh, I forgot you don’t like people to do things for you, you don’t want to be beholding to anyone.  It’s OK I won’t bother you with bringing you breakfast anymore.”

“That’s not true, I like that you bring me the waffle and OJ!”

“Well you never show it, you usually complain about the way it is toasted.”

“Not true.”

“Very true.”



“If you weren’t such a jerk, I wouldn’t be a bitch.”

“If you weren’t such a bitch, I wouldn’t be a jerk.”

And so the discussion morphed from complaining about an over toasted waffle to which came first, my being a jerk, or Mrs. C being a bitch.

We still have not reached a conclusion.

Currently I believe I am losing.


  1. I believe we can count on your losing to continue!!

  2. Honestly, I'm siding with you on this one; at least you are making the effort to bring her the waffle :)


  3. I'm with ya Joe! We KNOW which came first!!! Lol

  4. You guys have such a touching, inspiring relationship. . .


  5. The real question is who will have the courage to stand up and apologize first -- that person is the more mature of the two! Go win that one, if you can't win the other.

  6. Wanna go fishing? You'll have a lot of sympathetic company here. :)

  7. You too are funny. I love your conversations.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  8. oh, your household is a merry-go-round!

  9. You lost before the argument started. Sure you bring her waffles, but you've evidently forgotten the saying: No good deed goes unpunished.

  10. Let's face it, we men will never win no matter what we do. Ha,ha,ha. Have a wonderful Thursday. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

  11. Now one thing is sure..... you will not overcook the waffle.

  12. Normally I lean towards Mrs. C--probably a woman thing--but this time you may have a point. Waffle making 101 could have been handled a tad more instructive and less critical. Of course, we don't get tone of voice during these entertaining spats. Just enjoy the fact that you will never be bored.

  13. That waffle looks perfect.

  14. Pop an Eggo waffle into a toaster???

    I bet George Clooney gets out the eggs, flour, etc. and mixes everything with a whisk, pours it into the waffle iron, etc., and then serves it - perfectly cooked - with OJ and his dreamy smile...

  15. Sigh. How can you guys even manage to mess up a waffle in the toaster?

    Around here, I'm pretty sure things are done wrong on purpose, so he won't be expected (or asked) to do them ever again.

  16. Sometimes bantering is fun, huh? Doesn't she want even a little syrup?

  17. I can see space for the toaster right there on the night stand ..... hey, it's worth a try!

    Wait, nevermind. We don't wanna miss no more of these gems

  18. Hard to say from just written accounts, but you and your wife seem so....suited for each other. A match made in, um, heaven.

  19. In this instance I think, oh heck, what do I know. She's a bitch for complaining about a meal brought to her voluntarily. On the other hand, if you regularly over toast the waffle, why haven't you learned by now not to? (you jerk) :)