This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015


In a recent post, the great one, Stephen Hayes at the "Chubby Chatterbox," ( asks the question, “What do you think of lawyers, there must be some good ones out there."  I say yes, yes there are, especially if they are on your side. 

Years ago when closing on my second house I really needed a lawyer.

We were moving on up, leaving a small house for a much larger almost hoity toity house.  Our old house was sold and we were closing on the new house when we came up against a pain-in-the-butt lawyer for the mortgage company. 

It seems we closed on the old house for $4000 less than we stated we expected to sell it for on our application.  This lawyer was insistent on knowing how we would make up the $4000.

I explained that we had to take a little less than we thought we could get and surely that was not unusual.  She asked, “But how are you going to make up the $4000.”

I said, “Well we are closing on this house 6 months after we filled out our mortgage application.  The mortgage on the other house was $350 a month.  You approved a new mortgage at $1200 a month 6 months ago based on my income and assets.  If I could afford a payment of $850 more than I was paying six months ago, obviously I would be able to save $4000 or more in 6 months.”

She responded, “But how are you going to make up the $4000.”

Now our old house was sold and closed-on and we needed this new house to have a place to live, plus we had been excitedly waiting for this move for over 6 months.  This dingbat lawyer was going to disallow the whole deal and leave us temporarily homeless over $4000 that I clearly explained we could cover.  This is where my own lawyer went into action.

“Let me speak to your boss.”

The lawyer called her boss and explained the situation.  My lawyer took the phone and said, “I don’t understand what the problem is.”

He listened for five minutes as the lawyer on the other end explained that the $4000 short fall was a deal breaker.

He then said, “But I don’t understand what the problem is.”

Five more minutes of listening patiently and then he responded again, “But I don’t understand what the problem is.”

This went on for 30 minutes and every five minutes all my lawyer ever said was, “But I don’t understand what the problem is.”

He then handed the phone to the other lawyer.  She listened to her boss and then said, “Yes, but…I know but…$4000…really?  OK."

Then we sat down and signed papers for 40 minutes and the new house was ours.

Afterwards my lawyer just said, “Sometimes it is best to not argue but just dazzle them with stupidity.”

So my answer to Mr. Chatterbox is sometimes lawyers should be shot, and sometimes they can be your best friend.


  1. I don't have much experience with lawyers, won't go into details but employed one a few years back. When she said "I think you have a good case" I think it meant down the line "I'm going to make some really easy money". She did. Thankfully when the case was lost she had the "decency" not to bill us for the rest of what she thought her services were worth.


  2. Good post. Yes, we need SOME lawyers, for there are SOME instances where injustices exist and we need lawyers to present our case and make things right. But too many of them are just the stereotypical ambulance chasers, willing to take on any case "on contingency", in the hope that they can bully/bluff someone into giving them SOMETHING just to shut them up. In other words a nuisance case without real merit. They contribute nothing. Those are the parasites we need to "Shakespeare".

  3. After watching lawyer shows over the years it amazes me how much is BS and how much is intellectual argument.

  4. I've know tons of lawyers because I was a cop. I knew the good ones (very few) and I knew the bad ones (tons of those). Most are just bullies. Through a few laws in their direction and you can confuse them something awful. Some were fun to play with. I'm just saying.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  5. I am fairly certain that mortgage companies require their attorneys to first acquire lobotomies and second take several classes in how to be the biggest asshole you can possibly be.

  6. too funny! quite the novel approach!

  7. It sounds like you ended up with a lawyer worth his salt. I once was in the process of buying a house, and a few hours before signing the papers I discovered that there was a tenant still living in the house with no intention of leaving. Oregon bends over backwards for tenants, especially if they have children. My lawyer tried to convince me that having a tenant was a good thing, even though this tenant hadn't paid rent in months. He was noncommittal when I asked where I would live while this tenant squatted in my house. Needless to say, I didn't buy the house, and didn't keep the lawyer.

    Thanks for the shout out. I really appreciate it.

  8. My husband is an attorney & he would make his own comment here except that then he'd have to bill you!!

  9. A good lawyer helps solve problems. A lousy one creates them for you.

  10. My dad (who is not a lawyer) is very fond of that approach. He calls it the broken record approach. It works fairly well if you NEVER deviate from your original line.

  11. In Michigan, they don't use lawyers for house closings. In Illinois, they did.

  12. Hum, wonder if his approach would work for a layman? Have never needed a lawyer but hope I get one like yours if I do.

  13. I'm trying to think of a clever and witty comment here, but I feel the need to get up and practice in front of the bathroom mirror: “But I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    LOVE that line!

  14. Absolute truth here. Some need to go to the devil immediately (and it won't bother them much, as they seem to already have a certain intimacy with him) while there are some who are delightfully witty and really do try to help their clients in an honest and forthright manner.

  15. That tactic would be very useful in a lot of situations. I'm with Pixel Peeper.

  16. And I'm with Pixel Peeper and Eileen B - have to keep that line in mind from now on for oh so many purposes! Great post.

  17. They don't make 'em like Perry Mason anymore.

  18. My friend John Elliott used to say, "If you can dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit." I've often relied on this wisdom :)

  19. The daughter of our closest friends is a lawyer hanging in DC working to try and keep this country from being a nastier place. She's good people, that one.

    Our house closing lawyer is another good one. He knew when to hang on the fringe, when to stall and annoy, and how to bring the hammer down. Or better yet, what to tell ME so I could hammer 'em hard. Almost makes me wanna shop for another house sometimes, good times those were.


I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!