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Sunday, January 13, 2019

STUPID HEADLINES 011319


STUPID HEADLINES 011319
It's always the last place you look!

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

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Saudi women to be notified of divorce by text message – What do they call a pre-nup in Saudi Arabia?  Unnecessary.

Elizabeth Warren in Iowa: 'I am not a person of color' – Maybe not in Iowa, but the rest of the country considers blonde hair and blue eyes to be a color.

Florida man finds out his dad helped deliver him at birth, throws pizza at him – Only in Florida does the delivery man get the pizza! I think he was mad because his Dad’s delivery took over ½ hour.

Rare penny might be worth $1.7M – Keep looking you future pennymillionaires! I think it was found at a gas station chicken store.

Tasting Wine Stimulates Your Brain More Than Math – This is so stupid, why would tasting wine stimulate your math at all?

Paris' first all-nude restaurant closing due to lack of customers – In what universe was this ever a good idea?  Oh yeah, France.

Restaurant manager suspended for racial profiling, throwing chair at black customer: 'I'm not trying to be racist' - Dude, you threw a chair at someone because he was black; “Not Trying?” I’m pretty sure that is racist!

The demise of Sears is rooted in the erosion of American fundamentals – Yes, that and the store sucks!

Man walks into McDonald's with a dead raccoon – No, this is not the start of a stupid joke, this is an actual headline.

Nearly 100,000 au pairs brought to US win $65.5 million settlement in Denver lawsuit – Even a full house of lawyers could not beat au pair.


THE BIGGEST WHO GIVES A CRAP HEADLINE OF THE WEEK:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar hasn’t spoken to his 'Saved by the Bell' co-star Dustin Diamond in 25 years – Stop the presses, the last page of the “WHO GIVES A CRAP GAZETTE” needs a story!


FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:

Ex-NASA Engineer Design Glitter Bomb Trap as Revenge for Thieves Stealing His Packages – Sometimes smart people doing stuff to screw with an asshole just makes me feel good…is that wrong?


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9 comments:

  1. I liked that glitter bomb story also. Glitter never leaves you.

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  2. There might be a valuable penny out there waiting for me! I could be a pennyillionaire before I expected! Your au pair comment is my favorite.

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  3. Let's see. Did they walk in nude or strip once there? If they didn't provide towels to sit on, I can understand the failure.

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  4. There just aren't that many people in this world that I would want to see nude let along eat with them. Glitter bomb rocks.

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  5. How i wish we could use the same dye they use in bank robberies to mark porch pirates.

    Sears and Roebuck was a fabulous company for its first several decades, and recent mismanagement has ruined it, which makes me sad.

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  6. I work in a place where the customers are nude. We're super busy.

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  7. I have to google that Florida story - I don't quite get the connection.

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  8. I snorted when I watched the glitter bomb. What a great idea.

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