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Thursday, November 1, 2018
How Boring Are You?
How Boring Are You?
People often ask me,
“Cranky, you are a child of the sixties, a crazy period in our country. A time of sex, drugs and rock and roll. A time of protests, a time of rebellion, oh the things you must have seen, the things you must have done. How many times have you been arrested, what is the craziest place where you have had sex, what drugs did you take, how many battles did you fight?”
Surprisingly enough, I was pretty boring, even in the sixties.
“How boring were you?”
Sex? I got to second base with maybe three different women before I was first married…how crazy is that?
Drugs? I never had a drink until college and then only beer, I took a drag from a joint when I was 22, and I actually saw someone snort coke but I turned it down when it was offered.
Rock and Roll? I listened, I tapped my feet, I hardly ever danced. The first concert I ever went to was John Denver (What, that’s not rock and roll…never mind). I learned about Woodstock on Monday morning after the event.
Protests? I complained about having to wear a tie at dinner every night in college.
I started smoking cigarettes when I dated a girl who smoked.
I started drinking heavy every day while married to my second wife, probably better than pushing her off a cliff. Well at least that 12 years wasn’t boring!
I’ve been ticked for speeding once in fifty years, and that was an unavoidable speed trap for revenue gathering purposes…Oh, and I once got a parking ticket.
I did get into three fights in grade school, I won 2 and lost 1. I think there were punches thrown but there was no blood.
Sky dive...no, scuba dive…no, flown a plane…no, I did race sailboats, in the bay, not the ocean, does that count for excitement…no? Dang!
I’ve never gambled more than $50, and only slot machines.
My only academic award was on a Latin test…honorable mention in a dead language, how is that for boring?
In high school I owned a sports car, but I never street raced it.
I got detention in school for talking in study hall, but I was never suspended, and I never cut a class. What was my grade average in both high school and college?
Drum roll please…
"C”.How boring am I? I got nothing else, I’m so boring even my examples of boring are boring.
How boring are you?