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Saturday, November 24, 2018

STUPID HEADLINES 112519


STUPID HEADLINES 112519
That'd be my guess.
This weeks stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.

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Meghan Markle, mom Doria Ragland to be weighed by the Queen after Christmas lunch as part of bizarre tradition – This is an old WASP tradition to weigh the guest before and after, along with the weight of all the food consumed  to determine if anyone stole the silverware…doesn’t everyone do this?

University staff told not to use ‘don’t’ or ‘frightening’ capital letters – In other news…WE’RE FUCKED!!

Dead fish to fuel Norwegian Hurtigruten cruise liner – So it’s a Kipper Ship?

School in England bans designer Canada Goose and Moncler jackets to keep poorer students from feeling bullied – At lunch time the rich students are required to hold up a bowl and pitifully ask, “Please sir, may I have some more?”

3D-printed motorcycle is like nothing you've seen – And to see it you have to wear those red and green lens glasses.

Moms are wearing babies’ umbilical cords as jewelry – Also doubles as birth control.

Cryptocurrency mining firm files for bankruptcy amid Bitcoin slump – Cryptocurrency mining firm? Bitcoin?  Crap, I just started trusting ATM machines a few years ago.  Now I know how my mom felt when I talked about VCR’s and cable TV.

Man suspected of money laundering after $400,000 found in washing machine – I once washed a $20  left in my pants pocket, I didn’t know it was illegal.

London police target ‘moped bandits’ by driving into them in new crime-fighting tactic – Great was to stop the thieves, but the moped owners might not be too happy when their ride is returned all smashed up.

London bans fast food ads from public transportation – Damn, the only fast thing on public transportation is the food.

Bride and groom perform wedding vows as rap battle – I give them about 2 years tops…what rhyes with “Pre-nup?"

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:

Domino's deliveryman who saved woman in danger surprised by Taylor Swift at concert – Not a real feel-good week, but I liked this one.









9 comments:

  1. Good stuff again, Joe!!

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  2. Who makes up all these headlines?

    God bless.

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  3. DON'T LOOK UP!

    (You're fine. I just wanted to scare those university kids.)

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  4. Yikes. Your are so right. Those umbilical cords would get ripe and would be a real turn off.

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  5. "Dead fish to fuel Norwegian Hurtigruten cruise liner – So it’s a Kipper Ship?" - okay, that's flippin brilliant (your comment not the fuel idea...)

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  6. People are getting stupider and stupider aren't they. Yes they are. The weirder the better.

    Have a fabulous day and week, Joe. 🎄

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  7. So that's the best way to prevent the good silver from disappearing! While i've heard of keeping your eyes peeled when visiting other homes (it was done back in the day), i hadn't heard of this one.

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  8. Please sir, may I have some more...Stupid Headlines next week? That line is from one my favorite movies. It's all I can do not to burst into a chorus of "You've Got to Pick a Pocket or Two."

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  9. Hilarious headlines, as always! But as a Brit I have never heard of that royal tradition of weighing guests. I suspect it's a lie although a quick search of the internet shows lots of newspapers (including British ones) including the story, so what do I know!

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