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Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Eye-Bag Model

Eye-Bag Model

I can’t go through a day of TV watching without seeing the same infomercial for wrinkle cream. (Yes, I do watch too much TV)

This commercial shows an old dude with bags under his eyes and a “Beauty Expert” who reports as he spreads the cream on his eye-bags.

The “Beauty Expert” tells you as the dude slaps on the cream,

“We have a model; his name is Ritchie…”

Time laps photography shows the wrinkles practically disappearing, and the Beauty Expert goes gaga,

“We were screaming three minutes, four minutes as the eye-bags disappeared!”

Mind you, he still looks like an old dude, but the wrinkles do almost go away.


What gets my attention from this commercial, is not WOW that crap really works!  No, I wonder about two things.

First, what makes someone a “Beauty Expert?”

I mean do you go to school to become a “Beauty Expert?” 

I don’t remember a major at my college for “Beauty Expert.”  I think it would be a pretty easy curriculum:

“Welcome class to “Beauty Expert” 101.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Got that? OK, dismissed, you are all now “Beauty Experts.”

The second thing that grabs my attention in this infomercial is, are there really professional eye-bag models? 

“We have a model; his name is Ritchie…” WTH?  How do I get this gig?  I have eye-bags that are every bit as baggy as Ritchie’s!  How do you become an eye-bag model?  Do eye-bag models get paid a lot?  How many gigs could there possibly be for an eye-bag model.

Do they have a cattle call for eye-bag modeling jobs?

“You, number three, thank you for coming, but were going to go with Ritchie, he is just the guy to go to for eye-bag parts.”

Damn that Ritchie, other eye-bag models have been waiting years for a call and he beats them out.

I think I will no longer put “Retired” on my income tax form.  I think I will become either a Beauty Expert, or an Eye-Bag model.


  1. This post was hurtful for me. I really wanted that gig. No matter how hard I try, no matter how baggy I get, Ritchie gets all of the good ones.

  2. And my eye bags could give him a fun for the money if i ever got the chance. Oh, well.

  3. I have eye bags too! Maybe we should form a club or something. I'm sure there's a government grant we could get and research money to help find a cure for those bags.

  4. You think YOU got eye bags? Huh? I GOT EYE BAGS that haven't even been packed yet!!! Gimmee that gig. Show me the money. You hear me? SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!

  5. I'm very glad that I don't have eyebags. Not too many other wrinkles either. Yet. Our family is slow to face wrinkle, but we do have a tendency to develop jowls which I'm not happy about.
    ANYWAY...I never get taken in by those wrinkle cream "miracles" I say, keep the camera on Ritchie for the rest of the day and watch as those eyebags return.
    I do have badly wrinkled hands after many years of hard work and any of the handcreams only make the wrinkles appear smoother for a few minutes at a time.

  6. I come from an eye bag family! I've never thought about modeling them. How would I protect them between photo shoots? It's not like you can put oven mitts over them, like hand models do for their hands. Anyway, I heard that showbiz people used Preparation H to shrink their eye bags. So maybe you don't want none of what Ritchie is slathering on his face.

  7. I checked, nope, no bags!
    It's all in the pressure not the cream, I was once told. But the white coated female in the store who told me this could have been joking.

  8. He should try Preparation H. A friend of mine uses it and the only wrinkle she has is the one she is sitting on.

    There are all sorts of experts on everything these days on TV. Whatever happens on the news there is always an expert about it telling us what happened, or should have happened, or did not happen. No wonder the world is in such a state. Too many experts. Even as I type this there is an expert behind me checking my grammer; spellling and pinctuation.

    God bless.

    1. Your expert missed "punctuation"!!

  9. Genius like you can think differently but i saw people go and rush to make calls to order such stuff and then regret for their mistake they made

    yep hubby 's one of colleague in college is really made about jumping over such offers and hubby tells these stories when i switch the channel immediately when see such crap

  10. Bag eyed man is raking in the money big time. That infomercial in on constantly. In this case, it pays to get old and droopy.

  11. Hum, don't have bags but I have an abundance of wrinkles. Wonder if there is a call for wrinkle models. Surely there must be and I agree with the others, hemorrhoid creams work just as well for both.

  12. With eyes like that,!youncan bet there’s other stuff sagging too.

  13. I am thinking of George Costanza, of course.

    You'd have to wear eye patches between jobs to protect your assets, right?