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Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Dating Lessons

Dating Lessons
 This cranky re-run is from May 2015


When I was but a young lad and wanted to impress a young lady, I always dressed my best.  I showered, applied several layers of deodorant, splashed on gobs of aftershave, and slicked my hair down so it wouldn’t move out of place.


I would wear my favorite shoes with my favorite pair of socks, my favorite shirt and my favorite pair of pants. 


Sometimes I would not see that young lady again. 


If I did win a second date I would first be told,


“Its, going to be cool out, so don’t worry about…you know…the heat and stuff, and we will be inside so you won’t need much aftershave, and I like your white socks and the striped shirt and those plaid pants, but I’ll bet you’d look nice with dark socks and a solid shirt.”


If the young lady really liked me, by the third date she might say,


 “Listen, go light on the deodorant, I hate ‘English Leather’, never wear white socks with long pants, stripes and checks make you look like a clown, and for crap sake, stop with the grease and let your hair be natural! You don’t have any sisters do you?”


I learned that if I wanted a fourth date I'd damn well better follow directions.

12 comments:

  1. It seems that by now, you've learned to follow directions well enough.

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  2. And my guess is by the time you got to the current Mrs. C, you didn't need the directions any more at all.

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  3. Sounds like she was being pretty darn kind to you. Recently we were out on a Saturday night in a very upscale area and I noticed several couples where the lady was dressed to the 9's, just ravishing, and the guy looked like he'd been under his car changing the oil 10 minutes ago. If I'd been her I would have refused to go out with him.

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  4. White socks and greased hair? I'm surprised you even got second dates. Your personality must be very nice to get past that look.

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  5. English Leather!?! OMG. Stomach lurch just at the memory. Is there a woman alive who actually liked that stuff? Is there a man alive who, if he used it, did not use WAY too much of it? Surely by now it is a banned toxic substance? Well, as you can see, this hit a real sore spot for me.

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  6. I can't imagine telling a date how to dress. If someone did that to me, I'd run the other direction.

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  7. Well you got past date four at least twice lol.

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  8. English leather? I am mystified. I take it doesn't mean shoes! I do recall the angst my friend's brothers went through on first dates, and how quickly they returned to shoddy gear...lol.

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  9. I remember English Leather. It was very popular back in the day. It smelled okay, but only a little. Nothing at all is better. That was a smart girl right there and if you had a sister you would have known all these things.

    Have a fabulous day, Cranky. ☺

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  10. See, sisters are good for something. I do remember a few one dates with overly scented men. One guy I could smell through the door as he came up the apartment stairs. That was a once only and early date so I could nurse my headache.

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  11. When my ex-husband and I had been going out for a while, he told me that the rules for soldiers going out on a date were typically covered by the "four S's." You had to shit, shower, shampoo, shave. Then you were ready for a date. LOL.

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