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Thursday, May 10, 2018

Cash-in-no


Cash-in-no


Cash-in-no, that is what I call a Casino.  I hear people all the time talking about winning money at the Casino.  I never hear anyone say they lose money at the Casino.  They win or they break even, never lose.

And yet, as my son points out

“You ain’t pissing on marble because the Casino is losing money.”

Someone must be losing money at the Casino.  I confess I never win.  Last week, not only did I lose, but Mrs. C was rooting against me!

Well, I claim she was rooting against me, she says it was just a reflex reaction.

Let me explain. 

We played a few weeks ago at a Pennsylvania Casino. I dropped $40 in about 10 minutes, and I was playing thirty cents a button push.  I played a machine that always gives me a few free spins and generally takes almost an hour to separate me from my money.

To non-casino goers, I need to explain the importance of the free spin.  The free spin is crack to a slot machine junkie.  We play for the free spins where the machine takes over, characters dance, lights light, music plays and money rings up while you simply watch.     

With no free spins, I was frustrated.

Same day, Mrs. C was hitting free spins like they were going out of style.  She was actually up $50, an almost unheard-of number for penny players like us.  When we left, she was still up $30.  I pointed out that with my luck, the Casino still made $10 from us in pretty short order.

Did not matter, Mrs. C is competitive, SHE won $30.

This past week we were in Aruba.  Our hotel was a block from a Casino.

The first night we played, I once again won zero free spins, Mrs. C did not do much better. 

The next night I played $20 and after a half hour I cashed out $11.60, still with no free spins.  That is what some gamblers call “breaking even.”  I still call it losing and moved to a different machine right next to Mrs. C.

I had still not won a single free spin.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“OK, but I keep just missing the free spins.”

I put in my money, bet .30 and hit play.

Ding, Ding, Ding! FREE SPIN!

“Finally!”

“Mother F*cker!”  Yes, Mrs. C does have a potty mouth.

“What? I finally get a free spin and you're pissed!”

“Yes, but on your first spin!”

“Three days with no free spins, I finally get one and you’re pissed?”

“I’ve been playing a half hour on this machine with no free spins and you hit first try, it is a natural reaction.”

“No, a natural reaction would be, ‘Great, my husband just hit a free spin!’ ‘Mother F*cker’ would decidedly not be most wives’ natural reaction.  And, might I add, I am playing with the money you gave me!”

“Well, I just want to have some fun with free spins.”

Let the record show that I won 11 free spins and when the characters were through dancing, the lights done flashing, and the music done playing I had rung up 70 cents.

“Mother F*cker!!”

11 comments:

  1. 70 cents? Now you can buy that beach house you always wanted!!

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  2. So you came out 40 cents ahead? I don't bother with casinos, I just lose my money on a lottery ticket instead. I don't even buy those weekly anymore, only when there's a mega draw on.

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  3. I have often wondered about who loses money at a casino. It's true -- everyone claims to have won or to have broke even. I was in a casino once in my life, just for the experience. I might as well have just thrown my $20.00 on the floor and walked out.

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  4. The most fun you got out of your casino trip was the fun you gave us reading about it.

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  5. Casinos are for entertainment purposes, not for us to make money. They need to be a bit more generous with the free spins to keep us entertained. Says the person who has not been in a casino in years and years, except to attend an event held in their banquet room.

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  6. I can't take the cigarette smoke so we don't go. I'm not a gambler. I worked to hard for my money to throw it away.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. Ha ha, you are such a high roller Joe. When I do go, I play the penny machines only. Sure makes your money last a long time. Last time I went in with $5 and came out with $6.25. WINNER. Yep, I'm a high roller too.

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  8. I hate it when people win on the first spin! Even if it only wins them 70 cents. I hate it even more if they win it on the machine I just left. I understand what Mrs. C was feeling, but I'm happy when Hick wins, because the means he has money to play on, and I won't feel guilty about denying him a gambling bankroll.

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  9. That sounds like my kind of luck also Joe, I can't say that I have ever won anything at a casino, the closest ever was one night we stayed at the casino motel and played late into the night, we came out 26 bucks ahead after all was paid for and over with, but other trips have eaten up way more than that 26 bucks, so with that said I have definitely contributed to paying for the marble...

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  10. that mother f*cker was good for me. I proceeded to get a ton of free spins. YEAH!!

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  11. I rarely gamble, but I do buy a lottery ticket occasionally. When my husband and I came back from Las Vegas after we had gotten married there, someone at work asked him if he had done any gambling. He said, "I sure did." Heh.

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