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Monday, May 21, 2018

Wedding Critique

Wedding Critique

I woke up early Saturday morning with the TV typically tuned to Mrs. C’s favorite show, “Four Weddings.”  This is a show where four brides attend each other’s wedding and then grade them on various factors, like dress, decorations, the reception and so on, all in the hopes of winning a three-day honeymoon to the Holiday Inn in Trinidad and Tobago.

“This one is over the top, but I’d have to take points of on the dress, it is way ugly! And what the hell is the groom wearing, is this a costume theme wedding?”

“This isn’t “Four Weddings” you goof, it is the Royal Wedding with Harry and Meghan.”

“Oh, kind of early isn’t it?”

“It’s in England, different time zone.”


This was a real WASP* wedding.  Lots of tradition and ceremony, and very little show of emotion. 

Unlike a Jewish wedding, there was no glass stomping or couple in a chair hoisting.

Unlike a Greek wedding there was no plate throwing or dancing to plink-a-tee-plink music.

Unlike an Irish wedding there was no drinking, sweating and vomiting.

Unlike an African American wedding there was no shouting, stomping and group singing.

Unlike an Italian wedding there was no shooting.

(Did I cover enough stereotypes and offend enough?)

No, this was a good old fashion WASP wedding.  Slow, tedious, long, expensive, boring, and emotionless.

The best part of this wedding was the TV commentators. They gushed over every boring nuance of this very WASP wedding, and any hint of feeling or emotion was worthy of comment.

“Simon, I loved how the Prince and Meghan acted, they were so proper and adorable.”

“Yes Margaret, and at one point they almost seemed human, like when the Prince gave out a half smile.”

“Oh. Yes Simon, and the crowd loved it when Harry scratched his ass, just like a real person!”

“Interesting how the Black minister shouted ‘Can I have an AMEN’ and everyone present mumbled, ‘I say, what was that?’”

“Yes Simon, that was delightful.”

“Oh, and the father, Charles, at one point I swear I saw him blink.”

“Did you see Camilla?  I believe a lip reader picked up on a conversation…

WTF Charlie, you couldn’t marry me because I was divorced; this Meghan was divorced and I’ve heard she is only half white.  When did your mum loosen up?’

“Oh yes, and then Charles answered, “Why um…harrumph.”

“So delightful!”

“Wait, here comes a choreographed kiss…Oh my, a royal peck and the crowd goes wild!”

“Simon, is that the Queen, I think it is the Queen.  It is someone under a giant hat alongside an old man who has never been in the sun.”

Ah yes, it was a glorious wedding, pomp, ceremony, expensive and without emotion…every little WASP girl’s dream, but if this was part of “Four Weddings” I’d give it a 4 out of 10.  It was too long, I couldn’t hear some of the vows and the cello music was too slow to dance to.

*White Anglo-Saxon Protestant or With All Seriousness Please.


  1. It was very long & it didn't look like anyone actually enjoyed themselves!!

  2. I didn't watch it either, the little bit I saw on the TV news was more than enough. I do think Meaghan's dress was nice, but the train and veil train were far too long, almost enough fabric in those to make a whole extra outfit.

  3. It was a wedding with a difference, but I watched even though I vowed not to. I am a royalist so I can put up with everything.

  4. Some of the reactions during the sermond were priceless.

  5. ‘I say, what was that?’ had me choking on my coffee in an attempt not to laugh it all over my keyboard. I really have to stop reading your blog over coffee.

  6. My favorite part of the whole wedding was the looks on everyone's faces when the black preacher was up there whoopin' n' hollering. Omgosh.. Love, love, love, Instagram, Martin Luther King Jr., love, love, love. I thought the Royals were going to come unglued. As a Catholic girl I would be horrified if my Priest preaching like that. All n' all I thought the wedding was more about sending a politically correct message than anything else..

  7. I thought it was pretty simple and to the point.....a vintage Rolls pulls up and Meghan gets out and drags her dress up the steps. Harry smiles, they hold hands, then kiss on the steps on the way out. Then a buggy ride back to the Marriott. Wait....I've just been told that was the condensed 30 second sound byte of the event. lasted HOW LONG? I've heard of entire marriages that didn't last that long! Agony!

  8. Bwahahahahahaha. I linked this post to Tuesday Fun.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

  9. I didn't see it, just got glimpses of it here and there on the news. It is nice that both Will and Harry were able to marry for love; hoping both of theirs fare better than the marriage of their parents.


  10. Fun post Joe.
    Being a WASP I found the service familiar and comfortable but it did make me realize why we WASPS don't die of excitement.

  11. Did you have a tea party? Apparently they were a big deal here:)

  12. Heeheehee! No, i did not see it, but i really didn't have to in order to know what it was going to be like.

  13. I love me a Royal wedding and I loved the fact there were many non-WASP elements of this one.

  14. I didn't watch, although I had thought about it, and I stay up that late/early anyway. I saw the Charles/Diana wedding, and some of William's, but this one didn't have the same appeal for me. Maybe because The Spare Heir to the throne doesn't get as much attention. Especially when he's 5th or 6th in line now.

  15. gosh and to think I didn't watch it...darn. Have a great day!

  16. It was their wedding, it was done the way they wanted it (somewhat. Was obviously not completely tied up in Royal knots at least) and they're happy with it. That's all I need to know .....

  17. I thought the best part came the day before when the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church in the United States Michael Curry (the Black minister) was asked how he felt about delivering the sermon at the Royal Wedding. His response: "Well this is the Mother Church and anytime you're in Mama's House it's a good thing!"

  18. Even I, who is totally anti pomp and circumstance, watched bits and pieces of this wedding!