THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
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Sunday, December 15, 2013
STUPID HEADLINES 121513
STUPID HEADLINES 121513
It is time once again for:
I think I see the problem in that county...
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
One headline is
completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
FTC now going after evil capitalist piano teachers – Well it’s
about time.I feel much safer now.Frig you Miss Grundy they’re gonna get you!
David Beckham forced to perform humiliating sex act in hazing ritual as
teen – It won’t be long until a new movie will be out,
“Bend Over Like Beckham.”*
6 detained in Mexico radioactive material theft – Men were
found in the middle of the night hiding behind a bush…the GLOW kinda gave them
Colorado boy, 6, suspended, accused of sexual harassment for kissing girl
on cheek – Which cheek?
Congressional Budget Deal Reached
By Bipartisan Negotiators – This is clearly the fake headline.
Nantucket’s only funeral home closes, prompting island scramble – Probably just another of those “Going out of business sale” gimmicks.
India's Supreme Court upholds colonial-era anti-gay sex law – Now I can visit India and feel safe, except for those left-handed people,
short people, and people with speech impediments.I’m sure they will also be outlawed soon.
etiquette of 'selfies' at funerals? – Probably should not be done next to an open casket.
faulty brakes on Chevy's – “I remember in 1987, we sold some cars with the crappiest brakes
ever.People slid all over on those
things and we just laughed and laughed!”
computers, should fly planes – One pilot tried to abort a flight by pressing
Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and right away they want to ban computers from flights.
truck to make vehicle theft court date – Somehow I don’t think this is going to end
well for him.
military to have common camouflage – I’m sure Congress will mandate a
pattern that really stands out!
*Sorry, that was cheap and degrading…I won’t do
Last week’s fake headline was:
passes law making “having fun” in city parks illegal – I wonder
how they define “Having Fun?”
I spend my working
day elbow-deep in the scientific method, always emphasizing the difference
between subjective and objective hypotheses. It seems that laws, too, should
meet the "measurable" criteria. How can you quantify fun?
Leave it to the “Victorian" for complicated