Friday, December 27, 2013
Christmas is over this year, I love that holiday, but I won’t miss what comes with Christmas…perfume commercials.
Is it per/fume, or par/fum? I don’t get it; some commercials are hawking perfume and some parfum. I think it is just the price, I think parfum costs more than perfume. Mrs. Cranky says parfum is a fancy way of saying toilet water. Shit, I think any name would sound fancier than toilet water.
What I don’t understand about these commercials is they don’t seem to try and sell the smell. Several commercials simply show some slutty looking skinny model doing that high stepping horsey “My shit don’t stink” model walk. Why would I want to buy that parfum?
They need a caption:
“My shit don’t stink, but my parfum sure do!”
Another commercial has a bunch of sailors in an ocean race. They are sweating and being sprayed with salt water. Mmmm…I have been sailing, I have gotten sweaty and been covered with salt water spray.
It ain’t sexy.
Most of the commercials are for perfumes named after famous sluts. Did they actually create these products? Do they spend hours experimenting with different scents until they find the one that would be their signature scent? Why would I care what Kim or Paris likes?
I think they get paid millions for smelling a couple of scents and saying, “I like this one the best…I guess.”
I’ve got a caption for these perfumes:
“If you want to score, smell like a whore!”
Next year I think I will market my own brand. I’m going to buy up gallons of whatever crap one of these loser bimbos can’t unload this year and bottle it with my own label:
For that stalker in your life