WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
These words “Would you do me a favor” when spoken by Mrs. Cranky sometimes do not infer a question. Sometimes “would you do me a favor” means I am about to give you a directive which you damn well better follow.
Yesterday I was asked to do Mrs. C a favor, and it was not a question.
“Would you do me a favor!”
“Would you stop closing stuff!”
“Can you be more specific? I mean the front door? The bathroom door? Because I’m closing them no matter what.”
“Stop closing the stopper on the Dawn dish detergent, and why do you close the door to the laundry room when the dryer is running? I like to keep it open.”
“So the Dawn detergent cap is not meant to be closed? Like when they invented the thing why didn’t they put a note on the bottle to warn ‘do not close this cap’? Seems to me that cap was designed to be closed.”
“When my hands are all sticky, I like to use the residue in the stopper to clean my hands and I don’t want to touch the bottle.”
“Oh my God…foolish me! How long have you been holding this complaint in?”
“Just please do not close that stopper. Is that so hard…jerk.”
“I can do that, but what’s with the laundry room door thing? I’m watching TV in the basement and the dryer is running and it is noisy. Why keep it open?”
“Because I just like the door open.”
“But you’re upstairs, how do you even know?”
“Is there anything else I should keep open? The medicine cabinet? The dishwasher door? Windows?”
“I’ll let you know…jerk.”
“OK, I’ll keep the soap cap off and think about the laundry room door…but only as a favor.”
The logic train does not stop at my house.