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Monday, January 23, 2012



I have mentioned in several posts that Mrs. Cranky and I have not had a fight or an argument in over three years.  A fly on the wall would dispute this assertion. 

The simplest statement or slip up is liable to elicit a “Fuck You!” from Mrs. Cranky.  I am often called a jerk.  “I hate you” is a common rebuttal to any discussion or comment I may make.

“Fuck you too” or “I hate you right back” are retorts not left out of my arsenal. 

“Then”, you ask, “How can you claim you never fight with your wife?”  The answer is simple.  These nasty little conversations are not out of anger or hate.  Mrs. Cranky will tell me to go fuck myself, and I will respond “Right back attcha” because we can.

We were both in marriages where such comments would bring severe repercussions.  Mrs. C once used the F word in her marriage and the response apparently was painful and severe.  I never dared to speak to my ex with anything approaching aggressive language; the venom would have come back at me in a torrent I would not have been able to survive.  I had to bite my tongue if I wanted to avoid the head spinning green sputum “Exorcist” like violence my ex was capable of delivering.

Fifteen plus years of suppressing “I hate you” and “Go fuck yourself” have made the ability to now say these things cathartic.  Pent up anger needs release even if it is not real.

A typical discussion at the Cranky house might go like this:

“Where is my breakfast in bed?”

“It’s downstairs in the fridge where it is every morning…Jerk!”

“Some wife you are!  I hate you!”

“Fuck you and your breakfast too!”

“Fuck you too!  I hate you!”

“I hate you right back!”



“…Ah…was that good for you?”

“Yea, that was great, I always wanted to do that.”

“Me too.  You want anything while I’m downstairs?”

“Juice would be nice.”

“You got it.  Oh, and I hate you.”

“I hate you too.”


  1. just as it is meant to be.....

    In a crazy way, it makes all of the crap in the past worth it...because you can see how wonderful it is now and really appreciate it :-)

    Lou :-)

  2. Awww...this post makes me feel all warm and cozy inside ;-)

    Now, THIS is love!

  3. Sounds fine as long as neither of you throws things at each other or is reduced to crying.

  4. This makes me smile...reminds me of my husbands' grandparents

  5. I think a little arguing is healthy. I have never been one to shy away from saying what I think, and I do find that the couples who don't argue tend to crumble as soon as they have their first disagreement. It's ok to disagree, and it's ok to sometimes just let a little frustration and anger out, as long as things are patched up and everyone is ok i.e. no feelings are hurt, then I actually agree with it!

  6. Here on the rewind.

    I think tone has everything to do with how telling someone to go fuck themselves is received by them. I am yet to find the right tone where it makes them try it literally. But I am trying it out on as many people as possible to test the theory. So go fuck yourself man.

  7. I agree that tone is everything. That's why fighting by texts is so hard!

  8. I remember this post - can't think why I didn't comment last time! Great to see you Joeh! Thanks for Rewinding.