HEADLINES 123111

HEADLINES 123111

What a way to start the New Year, with Cranky’s stupid sophomoric comments to last week’s headlines!

Porn Film Condom Proposal Qualifies for Los Angeles Ballot, But City Objects – Four out of five doctors claim that condoms on porn films will have little effect in preventing venereal diseases, but may prevent little baby porn films.

Same-sex families pay thousands of dollars more in taxes- Gay community asserts the higher taxes are worth it to not have to live with the opposite sex.

Man Dials 911, Lodges Complaint About Hookers – Claims he wasn’t screwed.

Obesity linked to older adults' risk of falls- Researchers also find a link between obesity and overeating, obesity and stains on ties, obesity and large pant size and obesity and flatulence.

Egyptian Court Bans Military 'Virginity Tests' on Female Detainees – Egyptian Military no longer able to ask female detainees, “Do you know what a virgin is?”

Russia slams US for its human rights record – Russia says lack of gulags and torture in the US is deplorable.  Russia also cites the judicial system and the concept of innocent until proven guilty as “silly”.

Rare Asian bird takes "wrong turn," lands in Tennessee – Asked about the remarkable find, avid bird watcher Zelmo Gleek responded, “Tastes like chicken!”

Chevy to Recall Over 4,000 Cars to Check for Missing Brakes- GM has given up hope that drivers will voluntarily return the missing brakes.

Samoa Skips Friday in Leap Across International Date Line – Samoans angry at missing Friday’s TV lineup!

Labor Board Rules Local Symphony Musicians Can Join Union – Steamfitters Union objects, claims Symphony Musicians are not qualified.