What did you buy now?
“Oh crap”
“It’s the door bell, answer it.”
We both know
the delivery man’s ‘ring and dash,’ we get it a lot.
“Oh, stop, there won’t be anyone there,
what did you buy now?”
“I don’t know.”
“See, that’s a problem. If you order something, you should be expecting
something, you order so much stuff you never know what is left at the door.”
I went
downstairs to retrieve the package. It
was rather large, heavy and claimed to be fragile. I watch “A Christmas Story” every year, so I
know it is something breakable, and not from Italy.
Back
upstairs,
“It is large, heavy and fragile.”
“I don’t know, it could be anything.”
OMG, she is
out of control!
It is bad
enough that I can’t get her to downsize (throw away worthless crap that we never use) but she keeps buying more worthless
crap that we never use.
I know what
you are thinking, she will drive us to the poor house. Fortunately, no. She does not buy expensive crap, she just
buys crap- crap.
Little tweezer things to clean eyeglasses; like my tee shirt isn’t just as
good.
Sticky foot shaped pads that go on
your feet so the hot sand will not burn your feet at the beach; like quick stepping and yelling
“ouch ooch eech ouch” doesn’t get the job done.
She ordered sticky things that slap on the wall and
will hold your cell phone; like just leaving your cell phone on the table
is a stupid thing to do.
Ant repellant, electric fly swatters,
sun powered battery chargers, electronic do-dads that I have not figured out a
use for yet…it never
ends.
She orders
crap for the beach, crap as presents to nieces and nephews and children;
toothbrush holders, Tupperware that holds Tupperware, ear buds, pots, pans and
solar powered egg timers.
We get two
or three catalogs a day advertising this crap, and God help me if I toss any of
them.
It is
getting totally out of control, but I guess it is just part of the deal. I have
to accept at least one fault, overall she treats me pretty good, and I might
just be lost without her.
I need to
let it go
Oh, what was
in the big package marked fragile?
A new amp I
ordered for my guitars. I guess I forgot.
Hardly a day gors by that She Hulk doesn’t have a package at the front door. About half of has to back, which usually means a trip to the post office. Catalogs arrive daily.
ReplyDeleteAs my old man used to say: “It’s like wiping your @$$ with Hoola Hoop. There’s no end to it.
My spouse orders wine and then I have to sit around all day and wait for it because it requires a signature.
ReplyDeleteCatalog orders are enticing and all to simple to use.
ReplyDeleteI am not really guilty; Christmas shopping is made easy. We moved two years ago from our house of 27 years. Downsizing meant a dozen or more trips to Goodwill. And there was the throw-away. Then there was our grown kids' belongings...It was a good thing, this purge.
You'll have to try it.
Oh golly, I bought one of those tweezer like glasses cleaners at the optometrists...big disappointment.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! Didn't see that one coming. I'm relieved that your FRA JEE LAY package wasn't a leg lamp, but maybe you should be careful anyway, and not let Mrs. C do any dusting or vacuuming around your new amp.
ReplyDeleteEven though I really despise FEET, and everything associated with them...I think we need a picture of you modeling those sticky foot-shaped pads on the beach, when you take your insurance-savings cruise.
Hahaha...now that was funny!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't sleep the other night and not wanting to wake up hubby I silently crept into the computer room. I woke up the next morning not sure if that was a dream or not. NOT...I ordered 3 items from Zulily. I had to look it up because I couldn't remember what they were. A dress, compression socks for work, and the most important item: salt and pepper shakers shaped like tombstones. See, all important crap.
ReplyDeleteWe don’t order stuff like that. Grandpa does, and it’s usually the stuff that they send you two of it, whatever it is. He gives us the second one, and if we aren’t going to use it, we have to find a home for it.
ReplyDeleteOh, and congratulations on the new amp.
I read a quote in my newspaper that "almost" seems appropriate here: "The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque" by Peter De vries
ReplyDeletePleading guilty to being an impulsive purchaser. Well, it makes me feel good when the doorbell rings lol.
ReplyDeleteOne advantage retired people have is that they will be at home when these packages get left on the front stoop and the packages won't get stolen. I have my packages delivered to my parents' house after someone, well, they didn't steal my books but they went through the package. Apparently, my books weren't worth stealing after they saw them.
ReplyDeleteBut if you don't remember what you ordered, it seems like it would be a pleasant surprise. Like you're getting presents on your birthday.
We all have our weaknesses. I buy jackets, the Ms buys backpacks and various sizes and colors of thermos's. I'd say we're even.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahahahahahaha. You're all up in your wife's grill about ordering and not remembering and it's you that forgot. That's rich. No go apologize to your wife.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous weekend. ☺
hahahaha. Funny.
ReplyDeleteI love to shop online. Fortunately my husband is stilling working but he is off on Wed and Thursdays. So I told him, I was starting my Christmas shopping. I can't help it if I happened to buy myself a few "little things." along with the Christmas items.
Ever notice how fast the delivery man disappears after ringing your doorbell?
ReplyDeleteThat was funny. I am guilty of ordering stuff but always remember what it was. Guilty about the electric bug swatters, solar chargers for phone and Kindle and I still have an unopened static charge diffuser. As long as we stay under $19.99.
ReplyDelete