WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON
Nothing is easy at the Cranky household. Even sleeping is complicated.
Mrs. C demands to sleep on the right side of the bed. That works for me as the bedroom door is on the left side of the bed. I have always been of the opinion that the man (or strongest gay partner) should sleep on the same side of the bed as the bedroom door.
When we stay at a hotel, sometimes the door is on the right and I demand to sleep on that side.
“No way, I sleep on the right side.”
“But the door is on the right, if someone breaks in I need to be the best position to defend you.”
“Oh please, I wake up at the drop of a hat, you would sleep through me being ravaged regardless of which side you sleep.”
She has a point, though the chivalrous section of my brain still feels the need to be between her and the door.
Recently Mrs. C has complained about the temperature in our bedroom. The air conditioner blows from her side of the bed and she complains about being cold while I complain about being too hot.
I suggested we change sides.
“No way, because in the winter the hot air blows from that side of the bed and I want the heat. Plus, who would protect me if there was a break in.”
(Notice how women use selective reasoning?)
“Well in the winter we could switch sides.”
“No, I am used to sleeping on this side, changing with the seasons would throw me all off kilter.”
That’s it, no arguing with that. I guess things will just have to stay as they are. Mrs. C will freeze in the summer but be warm in the winter, and regardless of the season I am the defender if we have an intruder…unless we stay at a hotel, then Mrs. C may have to fend for herself.