WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON
Nothing is
easy at the Cranky household. Even
sleeping is complicated.
Mrs. C
demands to sleep on the right side of the bed.
That works for me as the bedroom door is on the left side of the
bed. I have always been of the opinion
that the man (or strongest gay partner) should sleep on the same side of the
bed as the bedroom door.
When we stay
at a hotel, sometimes the door is on the right and I demand to sleep on that
side.
“No way, I
sleep on the right side.”
“But the door
is on the right, if someone breaks in I need to be the best position to defend
you.”
“Oh please,
I wake up at the drop of a hat, you would sleep through me being ravaged
regardless of which side you sleep.”
She has a
point, though the chivalrous section of my brain still feels the need to be
between her and the door.
Recently
Mrs. C has complained about the temperature in our bedroom. The air conditioner blows from her side of
the bed and she complains about being cold while I complain about being too
hot.
I suggested
we change sides.
“No way,
because in the winter the hot air blows from that side of the bed and I want
the heat. Plus, who would protect me if
there was a break in.”
(Notice how
women use selective reasoning?)
“Well in the
winter we could switch sides.”
“No, I am
used to sleeping on this side, changing with the seasons would throw me all off
kilter.”
That’s it,
no arguing with that. I guess things will
just have to stay as they are. Mrs. C
will freeze in the summer but be warm in the winter, and regardless of the
season I am the defender if we have an intruder…unless we stay at a hotel, then
Mrs. C may have to fend for herself.
Wonder what she would say about bunk beds? You could sleep on top and rig yourself a zipline straight to the bathroom. Except for those times when...ahem....never mind. ;)
ReplyDeleteI sleep on whatever side the dog hasn't chosen ...
ReplyDeleteThere is no point in arguing with them once they make up their mind, Joe.
ReplyDeleteHow do you define left and right? by standing at the foot of the bed, looking towards the pillows, making A the left side and B the right side? Or when you are both in bed Mrs C is on your right, making A the right side?
ReplyDeleteI sleep on the A side, regardless of where the door is, well I used to. Now I have a single and sleep in the middle.
Twin beds are good! Or you could try locking the door to keep the unwanted out.
ReplyDeleteThank god you didn't forget the gay community. And who gets the TVs remote control too.?
ReplyDeleteI prefer the exact middle myself. Maybe that is why I don't have a bed partner?
ReplyDeleteYou can get a plastic piece that screws on over the vent to redirect the air. You could put that on in summer to direct the cold air to you, and remove it in winter so she can have the warm air on her.
ReplyDeletemarriage is beautiful institution in which students develop their either side of nature
ReplyDeleteby the time love deepens and both sink
each breath trough other's lung believe me
As a woman I like to sleep closest to the door which is on the rights side in this house...so now when we travel I tend to sleep in the right side. I am very light sleeper 80% of the time, those of us who have had children no longer get into heavy sleeping.
ReplyDeleteFunny how we get into habits we can't quit even though logically in some cases we should readjust. I like to sleep closer to the bathroom myself but I do sleep on the right side of the bed, but will acquiesce to let hubby do so in hotels to be closer to the door.
ReplyDeletebetty
Sounds like a conundrum. You could try turning the bed 90 degrees.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to side with Mrs. C., I like the side I sleep on and that's the side I sleep on everywhere. I don't care where the door is and I don't care who's protecting who. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
I'm not moving, either!!
DeleteI'm a fresh air fanatic and like to sleep nearest the window, but I'm extremely left oriented and usually sleep on the left side, which somehow seems to always be farthest from the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI guess it depends on whos driving. (thats what he says)
ReplyDeleteLisa
We each have our own preferred side. I get the other side ......
ReplyDeleteFor about a year I tricked her into switching but then we switched back and every opportunity since has failed. She has her side and I get the leftovers .....
I always sleep on side closest to the bathroom!
ReplyDeleteGoodness would you really sleep through her being ravaged? Sorry but that gave me a giggle. For me when sharing a bed, it is the right side but since I have doors on both sides of my bed (one interior and one exterior) I'm cooked either way by a random ravager.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Bijoux. I have to be near the faculties. I'm like a dog. I COULD go EVERYWHERE I go :)
ReplyDeleteR
Solution: twin beds (or rooms).
ReplyDeleteGotta have the right side. Which puts Hick closest to the bathroom, and the bedroom door, with me by the air vent and the french doors to the porch. In a hotel, I still take the right side. Any intruder who broke in on US would run screaming out before I could be ravaged. Hick in his tighty whities is an effective Ravager Repellent.
ReplyDeleteRight side for me, TV remote for him. No matter where we sleep.
ReplyDeleteThis might possibly change if we ever sleep south of the equator, but so far we haven't done that.
Omgosh this made me laugh. :) I agree. I always thought the guy should sleep by the door for protection too. Being happily single, the only "side" I have is the one my pup isn't sleeping on. On the off chance she actually sleeps in her own bed then I'm a human starfish all over mine! :D
ReplyDelete