STUPID HEADLINES 082816

STUPID HEADLINES 082816

What is a good mix with diarrhea?

It is time again for

Stupid Headline Sunday

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 

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Simone Biles held up the Olympics closing ceremony because everyone wanted a selfie with her – Does anyone else find it ironic that everyone is flipping over Simone.

Fight over goodnight kiss lands 59-year-old man in jail – Jail? Seems like a kiss would just be petty theft.  BTW Pixel…Florida.

California city is paying people not to commit crimes – Then do they also get paid for not getting caught?

Secrets of ultra-stealth submarines revealed in massive leak – Ultra stealth ain’t going to help much if the damn thing leaks!

Rush Limbaugh warns that federally paid 'lesbian farmers' could invade your town – Rush fears lesbian farmers will invade conservative states and change election dynamics.  I don’t know which is more ridiculous, offering money for lesbians to become farmers, or Rush worrying about changing election dynamics.  I’m going to call it a draw.

Cop says Red Cross told him not to pray or read Bible with flood victims – The organization just might want to think about changing their name and symbol if they are afraid of offending non-Christians.

Gender-neutral bathroom signs not inclusive enough, UNC students claim – Times have changed, when I went to college we complained about really silly stuff, like not wanting to be sent to a country we didn’t know to shoot at people we didn’t know for reasons that were not very clear.

Runner who blew whistle on Russian doping: If something happens to me, it's no accident – This is silly, why would the Clinton campaign care about a Russian runner?

Woman releases tub of live crickets and worms on New York subway then pees on herself sending screaming commuters into a frenzy –

“New York, New York, it’s a toddling town. 

The Bronx is up the Battery’s down,

women release crickets and worms then pee on the ground,

New York, New York, it’s a toddling town.”

Olympic champ Katie Ledecky wait-listed at D.C. swim club for 15 years – She should just swim in the pool anyway…who’s gonna catch her?

College Kids Wave Sex Toys, Juggle Dildos to Protest Guns – They demand stick-ups now be referred to as stick-ins.

One in five British travelers admit to cheating on a partner while on vacation – Surprisingly the one cheater is the dentist who does not recommend Dentine to his patients that chew gum.

 

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Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINES