STUPID HEADLINES 081416

STUPID HEADLINES 081416

It is time again for

That would be my guess too

Stupid Headline Sunday

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 

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New Jersey Man’s wife, girlfriend place dueling obituaries in same newspaper – My husband died in bed last night…doodle doodle doodle doo dee doo…The bed he croaked in was in my house…doodle doodle doodle dum dee dum…

Man, 90, Tells Cops Hooker Ripped Him Off – No comment could top this line in the story:

When cops told Nicholas Salerno that he would face a criminal charge for admitting to hiring a hooker, the nonagenarian replied, “I don’t give a fuck. I’m 90 years old for Christ’s sake.”

 

 

Massive swarm of bees escapes in Walmart parking lot, 3 hospitalized – I wonder if they carried them off in tiny little bee stretchers.

 

Scientists think they've figured out the female orgasm – But they still don’t care as long as they get theirs!

 

Scientists turn urine into beer – Now these Scientists know what is really important…never ending BEER.

 

Breastfeeding Mom 'Sprays' Milk At Woman Who Told Her Not To Breastfeed In Public – Once again no comment can top what is in the actual story.  This is the Facebook post of the offended lady:

"To the lady Dartford park who thought it was appropriate to breastfeed her baby whist my child and very easily distracted husband sat nearby. I don't think it was necessary for you to react the way you did just because I asked you to go somewhere private, telling me to fuck off and squirting me with your boobs was incredibly uncalled for. I hope you are ashamed of yourself!"

Lady, maybe if you took out your own tits from time to time your husband would not be so easily distracted!

 

Got deer? Cougars could help control herds, study says – Because wild lions roaming the woods and our backyards is a safer solution than hunters using those scary dare I say it…guns.

 

Underwater bedroom lets you sleep with sharks – Or you could marry a lawyer.

 

Charleston church shooting suspect Dylann Roof attacked in jail – Gee, I hope nothing bad happens to him…and by him I mean the attacker.

Reef balls make maiden deployment to boost oysters in Chesapeake Bay – Balls boosting oysters, there is a switch.

 

Going for the Jugular with Combat Juggling – Look out 2020 Olympics!

 

Seth Rogen’s animated food movie ‘Sausage Party’ accused of racism – People, people, it is an animated “FOOD” movie written by a pot head comedian…I haven’t seen it, but my guess is the stereotyping is more about making fun of racism and stereotypes than it is actual racism…either way it is an animated food movie!!! Calm down.

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Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINES