BREAKING NEWS
I just got
back from the supermarket. Waiting to
check out I saw an article in what appeared to be a reputable magazine that
will rock the socks off this year’s presidential election.
It seems
that Hillary Clinton is actually 327 years old.
She is not from Earth, but is in fact from the underground world on the
planet Saturn “Undersaturnia.” Her real
name is “Kankleticus”, and she took over the body of the infant Hillary with
instructions to take over Earth so all the inhabitants can be enslaved to work on
farms in Undersaturnia.
This
explains why she is so sympathetic to the cause of illegal aliens.
The plan is
first she becomes President of the United States, and then with other worldwide
plants of Undersaturnia she is declared emperor of the world.
Donald Trump
has been sent from the non-evil citizens of Undersaturnia who make up one
percenter of that population. His real
name is “Oranghairius.” He will expose Hillary for the fraud that she is and
stop the enslavement of the citizens of Earth.
His reward will be exclusive rights to turn Texas into a giant golf
resort for the one percenters of Undersaturnia.
Proof of
this plot will be made available sometime in the second week of November.
If you think
this election is important you are right.
If you want to be enslaved and shipped off to work the underground farms
of Undersaturnia, then vote for Hillary. If you want to live under the leadership of
the Good and Great Oranghairius, vote for Trump.
If you are
from Texas, you are screwed either way.
Heh, heh! The cankles! The cankles! Too bad orange hair can't be questionable-tastefully disguised with a pantsuit...
ReplyDeleteI think we are ALL screwed, even if we are not Texans...
ReplyDeleteNOW I finally understand what's going on!!
ReplyDeleteSounds less far fetched than the actual stuff on the news.
ReplyDeleteHillary should pick up on that story. Rumors of being an illegal alien did not hurt President Obama, and you'd have to say she looks great for 327 years old.
In that picture she looks more like one of the lizard people from "V".
ReplyDeleteI bet you can't wait for November!!
ReplyDeleteyup. and here i thought cruz was a big problem for texas...
ReplyDeleteWe used to vote red or blue. Now it's orange or whatever.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking she was starting to look a bit old, but she looks fabulous for 327 years.
ReplyDeleteAnd people actually pay money to buy that stuff that people write. My mom called those papers the "rags". I used to love to buy them for her and then read them after she was done with them.
ReplyDeleteIt will be a long time until November I fear.
betty
I like the last line
ReplyDeleteI'll have what she is having. She is 327 and I look twice her age.
ReplyDeletePretty much sizes this election up doesn't it.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Snort snort.
ReplyDeleteR
Sigh. You've made me nostalgic for my favorite long-dead weekly newspaper, The Weekly World News. Loved it dearly.
ReplyDeleteWell, I was buying this as literal truth right up to the line about Orangehairius having the role of saving the earth. Then I started to suspect this may be some kind of spoof.
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee! So, what is Undersaturnia like again?
ReplyDeleteI want to know how lowandslow feels about that last line.
ReplyDeleteBetina, that scandal rag must have forgotten that every man, woman, and child in Texas owns at least 10 guns, and knows how to use them all. Game ON! ;)
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