THIS IS JEOPARDY
Howard Cosell, the third wheel on the original “Monday Night Football,” was famous for being despised by football fans. Many people claimed to turn down the sound on Monday Night Football and listen to the radio feed instead of Howard. They claimed that, but they didn’t. Oh lots of people tried, but they ended up listening to the train wreck that was Howard Cosell.
Not that Cosell was a fool, far from it. He knew exactly what he was doing when he would make a stupid football comment in his unforgettable staccato announcing style.
“Giff, there are on-ly five min-utes left. They have got to go for the on-sides kick right here. Don’t you agree?”
Every TV fan screamed out at the same time, “NO HOWARD! You idiot, there is still plenty of time.”
Howard knew there was plenty of time; he also knew exactly what he was doing.
I hated Howard Cosell, but I sure tuned in to his broadcasts and when he left the sports world, I missed him.
Similar to Howard Cosell is the it-seems-like-forever host of the TV show Jeopardy, Alex Trebek. This is the absurd quiz show where you must word your answer in the form of a question.
I hate this smug annoying know-it-all.
I hate when he over pronounces foreign words or names and expects contestants to question the obscure answers...(see what I did there?)
“This man was the first to fly over the English Channel with a chair held up by party balloons.”
When no one knows the answer he divulges it with his annoying exact French pronunciation in a way that assumes the contestants all knew it but the answer just slipped their mind.
“And the answer of course is…Maurice Ponpernpfoontermon… Maurice Ponpernpfoontermon. The key to that was ‘party balloon.’ Ponpernpfoontermon which you all must know is French slang for party balloon.”
Sometimes a contestant gets excited and does not answer in the correct format.
“This man was the first elected leader of the new United States.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, that needs to be ‘Who was George Washington.”
Contestants get about 2 seconds to hit a buzzer and answer these questions. Often they have to guess.
“This humorist was known for his rope tricks.”
“Oh...oh, darn, um.” (The dude hit his buzzer too soon and has to blurt out a guess.) “Mark Twain!”
“Heh, heh, Oh I’m sorry, I thought everyone would know Will Rodgers…Will Rodgers. Mark Twain was the author from Missouri. His real name of course was Samuel Clemons. It was Will Rodgers who did rope tricks.”
Meanwhile, I’m watching at home yelling,
“Enough already you dick! He was guessing. We all know about Mark Twain you pompous jerk!”
“Are you kidding, no one has ever heard of Maurice Ponpernpfoontermon and neither had you until you read the script.”
“Fuck that, you prick! He got the answer…George Washington! WHO was George Washington is asinine!”
I absolutely hate Alex Trebek, and yet I always watch the show.
I think maybe he knows exactly what he is doing.