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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

I DO IT MY WAY


I DO IT MY WAY

Guys, do you argue with your wife about how to do a household chore? 

I work at home, my wife is near

The fate I face, is almost certain

And to all, I’ll say it clear

If I do it wrong, I will be hurtin

I’ve been told, my way is bull

It is her way, or else the highway

I know for sure, she will be pissed, but I do it my way

 

I am not a Sinatra fan, but when I have chores around the house I cannot get this song out of my head.

It is not my wife; it is all women, or at least all women I’ve ever married.  Chores must be done the wife’s way. 

If a women is around do not even bother loading the dishwasher.  Wait until she leaves the room.   Then load it and quick start it up.  When it is finished you must also unload.  If you don’t she will see and complain that you put knives in pointy end up.  She will laugh at your poor usage of space and complain that you wasted water doing the last six glasses by hand…then she will rewash those six glasses.  You will be assaulted for putting Tupperware in the washer and assailed for having to fingernail scrape baked-on breakfast egg.

She is gone, there’s a job to do

I do it with, all good intention

I do what I have to do, and I do it with my own invention

She will say your way is worse; you turn a job in to a play-day

It’s more, much more than this, I do it my way

 

I will do laundry, but I will not separate.  I will jam the machine till it bursts, add soap and nothing else.  As long as she doesn’t see, then colors never run and everything comes out white, bright, stains outta sight.

“Yes, I separated.  Yes I used color guard.  Yes I did multiple loads I said I separated didn’t I? Damn, I know how to do laundry.”

 

Yes, there are times I lie.  She can’t tell

The clothes are clean, they do not smell

The job is done, there is no doubt

I chewed it up, and I spit it out

I had to dare, to grow a pair, and do it my way

 

I will clean bathrooms but only when she is at work.  Everything is sprayed with Windex, and the floors are mopped by wearing old socks and doing my best imitation of the New York Rangers.

 

The toilet’s clean without Ajax

The sink is bright, the mirror clear

I finished up, I wipe my brow, and I have a cold beer

The difference is like night and day

The best part of all, I have to say

Because you were gone, I did it wrong

But I did it my way

 

The lyrics are bad, the meter wrong

I never said, I could pen a song

Guys I know, you get the point

Don’t do a job, till she leaves the joint

She’ll never know, just let her go

And do it your way

 

Scooby Dooby Do Baby!

24 comments:

  1. I'll bet when you aren't around Mrs C does it your way too ...

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  2. I'm glad you are doing all that you ought,
    Doing it wrong?!, I hope you don't get caught.

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  3. I should make it clear that my Mrs. C. does the lion's share of housework at our place, but there are many tasks she prefers me to do because she says," That job requires muscle." This isn't generally true and I've come to understand that she's really saying the job is too nasty for her to do. As for loading the dishwasher, apparently in forty years of marriage I've never done it correctly.

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  4. I think that I am in the minority here in this because I am not picky about how the dishwasher gets loaded. I really don't care as long as it gets done. I don't have certain ways to fold towels or sheets, and honestly, my husband is a far more detailed cleaner than I am. I have, however, been on the receiving end of someone nagging about how to load a dishwasher, and at that point I vowed I would never do that to another person. Annoying!

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  5. You would be wrong at my house. I don't care how hubby does any chore. I'll not complain. If you complain then they won't do it at all. I learned that long ago. So my hubby can always do it his way. I can live with that.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  6. laughed at the bathroom cleaning. :)

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  7. I find the best way to stay out of trouble is to be sure the grandkids load the dishwasher right, according to the cookerer.

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  8. I'm anal about folding. Corners should meet.

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  9. In theory I agree with you....BUT....in a holdover from my single days, I still just pay a housekeeper, and as K points out, "I haven't cleaned a bathroom in 8 years, and I'm not complaining." *if it ain't broke, don't fix it*

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  10. It's the reverse around here. My husband is kind of a control freak by nature, and so when I'm doing the dishes, he will lurk around the kitchen and I can tell it bothers him because I'm going to "slow" for his liking. I don't have a "system" to it, and that bugs him. I wash one pan, then I dry it, and I put it away. And then I do the next pan, and dry it, and put it away. His way is to wash them all at the same time, then put them all out on the counter to air dry. And he never, ever puts anything away! They will all sit there for days on end, if I don't come along and put them away. I hate his way.... because then there are pots and pans all over my counter, drying all day. I want a kitchen that is clear of all clutter. Clean, clear countertops, with nothing on them that shouldn't be there. So, that is why I wash and dry and put away all at the same time. See, if HE does the kitchen, then it's never just HIM who does it. I have to come along and put everything away. But if I do the kitchen, then it's truly ME doing the kitchen. No one has to come along and do anything after me. So...wouldn't that make MY way better? I think so.

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    Replies
    1. Wash one pan, dry it then put it away?? Repeat, repeat, repeat??
      I find that a very odd system. I wash all the dishes, then dry all the dishes and put them away. Doing one at a time would let the washing up water get too cold I think.

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  11. Loved this post--you're a regular Paul Anka!!

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  12. I grind my teeth and start getting very anxious when my other half is footling in the bloody kitchen and not wiping surfaces or putting anything away. He does the dishwasher though and complains if I move anything and says everything I place in there is wrong. Sigh. So much for the equality I fought for for so long when younger.

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  13. My husband used to load the dishwasher. Then he ran out of room and asked me, "What now?" I used to rearrange some dishes, and then there was room for everything. "It's like Tetris," I explained. I do such a great job at loading the dishwasher, my mother-in-law asks me to load hers. Because, "You do it so much better." Ha!

    LOL at your description of cleaning the bathroom floor! I take it the New York Rangers are a skating team?

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  14. Dang! Am I the last person in the world without a dishwasher?

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  15. Complaining about assistance in house work is cutting one's throat even if the job isn't done to one's preference. However, jamming a clothes washer so full the water won't fit is really a wasted effort. The point is for lots of water to circulate and rinse off the B.O. etc. Maybe "all the dirty clothes in one load" works the first few times but in the long run the stink will win.

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  16. "I did it my way" written by Paul Anka for Frank Sinatra.

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  17. This had me laughing as a guilty husband, Joe. I accomplish many things late at night or on weekends when it is just me with the sleeping dog supervising.

    I assume now though, after your Mrs. reads this post, your secret will be no more.

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  18. I happen to love that song and apparently I'm married to your wife. At least if her name is the perfectionist.

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  19. You load the machine until it bursts? Tut Tut, Joeh. Clothes need enough room to tumble freely, packed too tightly can result in wrinkled shirts and sheets. I agree with everything else though. Who cares how it is done as long as it is done. Hooray for Windex which cleans everything! (Except the dishes)

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