I DO IT MY WAY
Guys, do you argue with your wife about how to do a household chore?
I work at home, my wife is near
The fate I face, is almost certain
And to all, I’ll say it clear
If I do it wrong, I will be hurtin
I’ve been told, my way is bull
It is her way, or else the highway
I know for sure, she will be pissed,
but I do it my way
I am not a
Sinatra fan, but when I have chores around the house I cannot get this song out of my head.
It is not my
wife; it is all women, or at least all women I’ve ever married. Chores must be done the wife’s way.
If a women
is around do not even bother loading the dishwasher. Wait until she leaves the room. Then load it and quick start it up. When it is finished you must also
unload. If you don’t she will see and complain
that you put knives in pointy end up.
She will laugh at your poor usage of space and complain that you wasted
water doing the last six glasses by hand…then she will rewash those six
glasses. You will be assaulted for
putting Tupperware in the washer and assailed for having to fingernail scrape baked-on
breakfast egg.
She is gone, there’s a job to do
I do it with, all good intention
I do what I have to do, and I do it
with my own invention
She will say your way is worse; you
turn a job in to a play-day
It’s more, much more than this, I do
it my way
I will do
laundry, but I will not separate. I will
jam the machine till it bursts, add soap and nothing else. As long as she doesn’t see, then colors never
run and everything comes out white, bright, stains outta sight.
“Yes, I separated. Yes I used color guard. Yes I did multiple loads I said I separated
didn’t I? Damn, I know how to do laundry.”
Yes, there are times I lie. She can’t tell
The clothes are clean, they do not
smell
The job is done, there is no doubt
I chewed it up, and I spit it out
I had to dare, to grow a pair, and do
it my way
I will clean
bathrooms but only when she is at work.
Everything is sprayed with Windex, and the floors are mopped by wearing
old socks and doing my best imitation of the New York Rangers.
The toilet’s clean without Ajax
The sink is bright, the mirror clear
I finished up, I wipe my brow, and I have
a cold beer
The difference is like night and day
The best part of all, I have to say
Because you were gone, I did it wrong
But I did it my way
The lyrics are bad, the meter wrong
I never said, I could pen a song
Guys I know, you get the point
Don’t do a job, till she leaves the
joint
She’ll never know, just let her go
And do it your way
Scooby Dooby
Do Baby!
I'll bet when you aren't around Mrs C does it your way too ...
ReplyDeleteI can relate to so much of that!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are doing all that you ought,
ReplyDeleteDoing it wrong?!, I hope you don't get caught.
I should make it clear that my Mrs. C. does the lion's share of housework at our place, but there are many tasks she prefers me to do because she says," That job requires muscle." This isn't generally true and I've come to understand that she's really saying the job is too nasty for her to do. As for loading the dishwasher, apparently in forty years of marriage I've never done it correctly.
ReplyDeleteI think that I am in the minority here in this because I am not picky about how the dishwasher gets loaded. I really don't care as long as it gets done. I don't have certain ways to fold towels or sheets, and honestly, my husband is a far more detailed cleaner than I am. I have, however, been on the receiving end of someone nagging about how to load a dishwasher, and at that point I vowed I would never do that to another person. Annoying!
ReplyDeleteYou would be wrong at my house. I don't care how hubby does any chore. I'll not complain. If you complain then they won't do it at all. I learned that long ago. So my hubby can always do it his way. I can live with that.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
laughed at the bathroom cleaning. :)
ReplyDeleteI find the best way to stay out of trouble is to be sure the grandkids load the dishwasher right, according to the cookerer.
ReplyDeleteI'm anal about folding. Corners should meet.
ReplyDeleteIn theory I agree with you....BUT....in a holdover from my single days, I still just pay a housekeeper, and as K points out, "I haven't cleaned a bathroom in 8 years, and I'm not complaining." *if it ain't broke, don't fix it*
ReplyDeleteIt's the reverse around here. My husband is kind of a control freak by nature, and so when I'm doing the dishes, he will lurk around the kitchen and I can tell it bothers him because I'm going to "slow" for his liking. I don't have a "system" to it, and that bugs him. I wash one pan, then I dry it, and I put it away. And then I do the next pan, and dry it, and put it away. His way is to wash them all at the same time, then put them all out on the counter to air dry. And he never, ever puts anything away! They will all sit there for days on end, if I don't come along and put them away. I hate his way.... because then there are pots and pans all over my counter, drying all day. I want a kitchen that is clear of all clutter. Clean, clear countertops, with nothing on them that shouldn't be there. So, that is why I wash and dry and put away all at the same time. See, if HE does the kitchen, then it's never just HIM who does it. I have to come along and put everything away. But if I do the kitchen, then it's truly ME doing the kitchen. No one has to come along and do anything after me. So...wouldn't that make MY way better? I think so.
ReplyDeleteWash one pan, dry it then put it away?? Repeat, repeat, repeat??
DeleteI find that a very odd system. I wash all the dishes, then dry all the dishes and put them away. Doing one at a time would let the washing up water get too cold I think.
EXCELLENT advice, Mr. C.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post--you're a regular Paul Anka!!
ReplyDeleteI grind my teeth and start getting very anxious when my other half is footling in the bloody kitchen and not wiping surfaces or putting anything away. He does the dishwasher though and complains if I move anything and says everything I place in there is wrong. Sigh. So much for the equality I fought for for so long when younger.
ReplyDeleteMy husband used to load the dishwasher. Then he ran out of room and asked me, "What now?" I used to rearrange some dishes, and then there was room for everything. "It's like Tetris," I explained. I do such a great job at loading the dishwasher, my mother-in-law asks me to load hers. Because, "You do it so much better." Ha!
ReplyDeleteLOL at your description of cleaning the bathroom floor! I take it the New York Rangers are a skating team?
Dang! Am I the last person in the world without a dishwasher?
ReplyDeleteComplaining about assistance in house work is cutting one's throat even if the job isn't done to one's preference. However, jamming a clothes washer so full the water won't fit is really a wasted effort. The point is for lots of water to circulate and rinse off the B.O. etc. Maybe "all the dirty clothes in one load" works the first few times but in the long run the stink will win.
ReplyDeletep.s. Love your lyrics.
ReplyDelete"I did it my way" written by Paul Anka for Frank Sinatra.
ReplyDeleteThis had me laughing as a guilty husband, Joe. I accomplish many things late at night or on weekends when it is just me with the sleeping dog supervising.
ReplyDeleteI assume now though, after your Mrs. reads this post, your secret will be no more.
I happen to love that song and apparently I'm married to your wife. At least if her name is the perfectionist.
ReplyDeleteYou load the machine until it bursts? Tut Tut, Joeh. Clothes need enough room to tumble freely, packed too tightly can result in wrinkled shirts and sheets. I agree with everything else though. Who cares how it is done as long as it is done. Hooray for Windex which cleans everything! (Except the dishes)
ReplyDelete