The State of My
Driver’s License
Mitch at Sick
B*tch, http://s1ckb1tch.blogspot.com/ recent post reminded me of this:
Years ago I
moved from New Jersey to Staten Island, New York. I moved about one month after I had just renewed
my New Jersey driver’s license. At the
time, this cost me the princely sum of $25 and was good for two
years. I was not about to fork over more
money for the right to drive in New York when my New Jersey license was
perfectly legal 15 miles to the west, so for two years I drove with an illegal
license...sort of…well yes it was illegal in New York.
Two years
later I was finally forced to obtain a New York license in order to have any
license that was “legal.” I went to the DMV and had to take a written test. I passed because I read the booklet and knew all about driving farm equipment on NY roads, speed limits in residential areas when not posted, what makes a tire “bald” and other shit that people forget after they pass their drivers test.
One month later, I moved back to New Jersey. I had just forked over the princely sum of $30 for my New York license which was good for two years. I was not about to fork over more money for the right to drive in New Jersey when my New York license was perfectly legal 15 miles to the east, so for two years I drove with an illegal license...sort of…well yes it was illegal in New Jersey.
One month later, I moved back to New Jersey. I had just forked over the princely sum of $30 for my New York license which was good for two years. I was not about to fork over more money for the right to drive in New Jersey when my New York license was perfectly legal 15 miles to the east, so for two years I drove with an illegal license...sort of…well yes it was illegal in New Jersey.
Two years
later I was finally forced to obtain a New Jersey license in order to have any
license that was “legal.” I went to the DMV and had to take a written test. I passed because I read the booklet and knew
all about driving farm equipment on NJ roads, speed limits in residential areas
when not posted, what makes a tire “bald” and other shit that people forget
after they pass their drivers test.
When I went
to pick up my new license, the miserable DMV employee who had nothing better in
her life then to flaunt her limited DMV power, asked for my old license.
Comparing it
with my proof of residence she realized that I had been a resident of New
Jersey for two years while my license was from New York.
“This New York license is only valid
in New Jersey for 3 months!”
“OK…”
“It is illegal to drive in New Jersey
after three months residency with only this New York license.”
“OK…”
“So how have you been driving for the
last 21 months?”
“Have you seen me driving in the last
21 months?”
“Are you telling me that you haven’t
been driving illegally for the last 21 months with a New York license?”
I couldn’t
believe that for the last four years I have been driving with an illegal
license and now that I finally had a legal license this bureaucratic, no life
asshole, was going to try and convict me after the fact.
“Have you seen me driving in the last
21 months?”
“No.”
“Then if you follow me out to the
parking lot you will see me step into my car which my wife dropped off for me and
then walked ten miles home, and you will see me drive for the very first time
in 21 months…now may I take my brand new license and go?”*
I left
without waiting for an answer.
*Ok, that's what I wanted to say, actually I stammered like a friggin idiot until she just said, "have a nice day."
WOW, what a great new post from this blogger http://thebrandywinechronicles.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-haunting.html she reminds me of my daughter...ok, she's my daughter.
*Ok, that's what I wanted to say, actually I stammered like a friggin idiot until she just said, "have a nice day."
___________________________________
WOW, what a great new post from this blogger http://thebrandywinechronicles.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-haunting.html she reminds me of my daughter...ok, she's my daughter.
one of those encounters you think about for years to come - and wish you could have been so clever... :)
ReplyDeleteOne of the nice things about being a writer is that you can alter reality and write it the way it should have been. Of course I always stick with the facts one hundred percent of the time. Sort of.... Happy Halloween!
ReplyDeleteLike Stephen, I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER lie in my posts--unless it makes the story better!!
ReplyDeleteI definitely would have used the sarcastic line, and it would be no lie. How I hate bureaucrats!
ReplyDeleteA little authority goes too far. As for truth alteration, there is no story that cannot be improved by the elimination of a fact or two.
ReplyDeleteWhen confronted with, "You can't park there!" I'm especially fond of saying, "But I just did."
ReplyDeleteThat's my only witty retort.
Surprisingly, when I had to get my driver's license after moving back home, the lady (I was going to say "young lady", but thought better of it) was curiously pleasant.
No, really.
It was quite disarming.
LOL I am just wondering how did your Mrs kept quite all this time. I would have bugged my husband till he would not be able to digest his food. I am soooo against doing illegal things. But it is me, my husband would pull off something like this if he could.
ReplyDeleteBut you didn't mention your photo! Didn't they take a really bad picture to put on your license?
ReplyDeleteYou're such a rebel to drive with an illegal license for so long. I would have had my license changed as soon as was humanly possible. I'm such a rule follower...most of the time. Sometimes I jaywalk.
ReplyDeleteThis story reminds me a bit of when my ex-husband crossed the border from Canada back into the U.S. He had just dropped me off at the airport in Toronto where I took a flight to Germany. We had taken some sandwiches and snacks in the car, which were all consumed during the drive from Buffalo to Toronto. Except for one banana, which lay on the passenger seat.
ReplyDeleteCustoms official: "What is that on the front seat?"
Ex-husband: "A banana."
Customs official: "You cannot import fruit into the U.S."
Ex-husband: "I brought it with me from the U.S. when I drove to Toronto."
Customs official: "You cannot import fruit into the U.S."
Ex-husband: Peels and eats banana, says: "Now I can."
Customs official: Waves. "Have a nice day."
We always think of the perfect bold response after the fact, Cranky. I really, really think that state driver's licenses should be reciprocal and honored in all states, regardless of residence. When my daughter moved from Texas to Tennessee it took three trips to the DMV there, each time being sent home to obtain yet more documentation, despite the fact that she still had a valid TX license in her hands. It was maddening. I sympathize with your choice to run illegal! :-)
ReplyDelete