STUPID HEADLINES 102713
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 |
| It is organic and gluten free! |
This week’s stupid headlines
and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
One headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
One headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
_______________________________
Argentine scientists tap cow burps
for natural gas – Filler
up? OK, but it may take a while.
Deranged man flings excrement during
game in Giant Stadium – Coach Coughlin is worried now that the shit has hit the fan.
Does Oprah owe an apology to atheists
– In response to
atheist, Oprah offered the following apology, “I am very sorry y‘all are
atheists.”
Navy's largest destroyer heading into the water in Maine – Those “Downeasters” better not try anything funny!
Feds try to eliminate
housing for the deaf -- at complex built for hearing-impaired – OK, so a 2005 federal
study found there was not enough housing for deaf people. The Federal Government aided in the building
of a facility for deaf residents, and now the Federal Housing Agency claims
there are too many deaf people in the facility.
Wait…what?
Hawaii surfer escapes shark attack by throwing punches – Kuani “Stumpy” Oahu says, “I’d like those punches back, but I’m just
happy to be alive.”
Trick Out Your
Treats with Exotic Candies from the Asian Market – Did your car get
egg bombed last night? Here, have a
chocolate covered fish-eye you little prick!
How Your Middle
Name Could Screw Up Your Credit Score – So now I’m
thinking of changing my middle name from “Deadbeat” to “Ralph.”
McDonald's
helps workers get food stamps – Terrific, now all the burgers will have imprints of
Ronald McDonald.
Poem gets high school football player suspended, kicked off team – How bad could a poem be to suspend the star running back for Nantucket
High?
Detroit mailman saves family's burning home, continues on delivery route – Now they have to add “nor burning home” to that “neither rain nor sleet”
thing.
Man's body found hanging in apartment after eight years – You would think that if a person was missing the first thing to check
would be “is he just hanging out in his apartment.”
Obama wants Marines to
wear ‘girly’ hats – When the Commander and Chief enters, everyone curtsey!
Iran gives Christians 80 lashes for communion wine – Let see, disrespect the Koran, get your head cut off, but they whip Christians
for partaking in their holiest rite…the religion of peace and love has some
‘splainin to do!
Georgia man runs into burning home to get beer – And the number one way to know you’re a “Redneck?”
Georgia man runs into burning home to get beer – And the number one way to know you’re a “Redneck?”
Last week’s
fake headline was:
Corona executive
admits: “We invented Cinco de Mayo.” – Well the Mexican holiday did exist, but it was kinda like our Arbor Day.
And the winners are:
My choice is:
"Corona executive admits: 'We invented Cinco de Mayo.' – Well the Mexican holiday did exist, but it was kinda like our Arbor Day."
Because... well, we were celebrating it long before I ever heard of Corona.
"Corona executive admits: 'We invented Cinco de Mayo.' – Well the Mexican holiday did exist, but it was kinda like our Arbor Day."
Because... well, we were celebrating it long before I ever heard of Corona.
Hmmm…Lots of Mexicans in California
Follow Skip for…? Uh…stuff! Just stuff, little of this, little of that…
Hell just check him out at http://lionskip.blogspot.com/
fishducky said...
Pour me a Corona, please, Joe!!
Fishducky is back!
_____________________________
At this time it saddens me to report a fake headline
cheater.
Fraternity Brother
“Squeak” sent me the following:
Cranky,
Thanks for wasting 45 minutes of my fucking
time!
Motorcycle 140 MPH for a pee. All others are Google confirmed true! Jerk!
Squeak
Not only did he still get
the wrong answer, but as all readers know, Googling is against the rules!!
I summarily placed Squeak
on a 6 day suspension, and he is not able to submit any guess until 10/27/13!
I hope you have learned
your lesson!
"How Your Middle Name Could Screw Up Your Credit Score "
ReplyDeleteYou can have "Ralph". I'm gonna change mine to "Buffett", then stop by the Ferrari dealer. :)
S
(i like the 6 day suspension). :)
ReplyDeletei know the middle name one is true. sorry lowandslow.
i'm going for mcdonald's and food stamps.
I'm going to go with the one on Oprah. And I didn't cheat, which is why I'm probably wrong.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'd like to think it's the "Feds Try to Eliminate Housing for the Deaf", but then again it sounds just like something our government would do! Great post, Cranky, keep 'em coming! :-)
ReplyDeleteAh crap!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughtless parents didn't give me a middle name ...just a first name nobody ever uses after they find out it doesn't get a rise out of me.
Does that mean I don't get a credit score, too?
Oprah's so rich she don't apologize
I think that the headline "Deranged man flings excrement during game in Giant Stadium" is full of shit!!
ReplyDeleteOur largest destroyer heading to Maine? I don't think so. I think our largest destroyer is off the coast of Kansas.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea this week. Haha! THIS WEEK. I obviously have no idea MOST weeks.
ReplyDeleteI'm picking the scientists collecting cow burps. Any true scientist would know that the real gas comes out the other end.
I am going with Man's body found hanging in apartment after eight years as the fake. There had to be signs or somethings before the eight years. Smell something or the guys just left all his stuff.
ReplyDeleteIt is bad when the ones you what to be fake, you know are real. I heard at least two this week on the radio or read them earlier this week on my news sources on the internet.
I like some of the candy in the Asian stores.
Hail to the Chiefess!
ReplyDeletethe football playing poet from nantucket has to be the fake.
ReplyDelete