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Sunday, October 13, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 101313


STUPID HEADLINES 101313

It is time once again for:

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 
Errr Ahhh rounded up?
 

 

 
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

 

T. Rex skeleton’s trip to Smithsonian delayed by shutdown- It been 65 million years, I think another week or two won’t make any difference.

California man bitten by shark says it came out of nowhere – I’m pretty sure it was in the water before he was.

Singer assaulted onstage after dedicating song to Trayvon Martin – Well he was wearing a hoodie and had a bag of Skittles in his back pocket.

Neuroscientist uses MRI scans to show that dogs have emotions similar to humans – So this major brainiac spent two years to find out what every person who has ever had a dog in their life could have told him…could we please channel our monetary and intelligence resources to ending cancer or at least developing longer battery life for my cell phone! 

Clerk pulls huge knife on gunmanCause if the knife is really big, it will beat a gun?

Viagra sales faces stiff competition – Pfizer hopes the competition will peter out after four hours.

Ole Miss must ban players – now – Well there goes my trip to Ole Miss…why  should a player even bother dude?

Athlete Rescued from Bathroom Stall With Help of Twitter – Who knew there was an app for that?

School bans most balls during recess – OUCH! Do they get them back when class starts?

Teacher accused of urging students to fail test resigns – Idiot teaching administrators have deemed teacher evaluation to be based on student improvement on a standardized test.  What did they expect would happen?  This teacher was a bit overboard in clearly encouraging the students to fail on purpose…I suspect it was her way of protesting a ridiculous evaluation criteria.

California court rules spanking with wooden spoon not abuse – Is it abuse if I stab someone with a wooden fork?

Central Pa. man convicted of beating wife with wooden paddle for refusing to call him 'sir' – So in California you can spank someone with a wooden spoon, but in Pennsylvania you can’t whack someone with a wooden paddle? This could be really confusing.

Vatican misspells Jesus's name on commemorative medals – Father Guido Sarducci said, “Youa meen ees anama ees nota Ralph ofa Nazareth?”

Living, breathing man will remain dead in the eyes of Ohio law – I think Ohio law has a fatal flaw.
 

_______________________________

Last week’s fake headline was:

UK rules “Shag Carpet” must be advertised as “Deep Pile Carpet” – Too many people thought the carpet was a place to shag!

And the lone winner…FISHDUCKY

                fishducky said...

I'm back & I'm going with the shag carpet!!

Fran’s posts are as much fun as Fran is smart:


Come back next week for more STUPID HEADLINES!

11 comments:

  1. "Teacher accused of urging students to fail test resigns"

    She doesn't need to urge them to fail tests. They're doing a pretty god job of failing tests all by themselves. :)

    S

    ReplyDelete
  2. lord help us all - you and fishducky have a mind meld...

    i'm gonna pick viagra, alex. why the hell not?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm going with Viagra too, loved 'em all! Completely agree on the neuroscientist, I mean was this guy's life dream really to study the emotions of dogs? I think all such studies should have to go thru a "common sense" review before being approved.

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  4. I, the infallible fishducky, have no guess today. I think they're ALL real!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My guess is also the Viagra one. The sad thing is that I know for sure that most of the others are true bc I saw it on huffpo or weekend update on snl.

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  6. I think being spanked with a wooden spoon IS abuse so I'll pick that one.

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  7. As one spanked by a wire flyswatter handle, with no resulting ill effects, I scoff at the wooden spoon treatment.

    I pick the Trayvon song dedication assault as fake.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My mom spanked me with a wooden spoon! Well, she didn't actually have to spank me, most times. I'd start crying the moment the spoon came out... Didn't manage to get me to behave any better, though. :)

    I'll pick the Vatican one, because I really hope it's fake. That would just be too sad.

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  9. I saw that story about the dog MRI emotion study and I'd agree with you on channeling money and intelligence resources into more worthwhile studies. However, I think this country's decision makers have completely run out of both.

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  10. They all seem real to me! You are getting pretty tricky lately.

    Okay ... my guess is the misspelling of Jesus's name. I mean, WOW. This is what those guys in the Vatican DO - they pray to and represent Jesus! I mean, how in God's holy name can they misspell it???!!!! They should all be fired. ((and I'm not talking about being "fired" from their job, if you know what I mean. Hey, is it getting hot in here?))

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  11. Viagara for me! Well, not for me. None, thanks. But I think it's fake. Thanks for the giggles again!

    ReplyDelete

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