THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Sunday, October 13, 2013
STUPID HEADLINES 101313
STUPID HEADLINES 101313
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
Errr Ahhh rounded up?
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
One headline is
completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
T. Rex skeleton’s
trip to Smithsonian delayed by shutdown- It been 65 million years, I think another week or two
won’t make any difference.
California man bitten by shark says it came out of nowhere – I’m pretty sure it was in the water before he was.
assaulted onstage after dedicating song to Trayvon Martin – Well he was wearing a hoodie and had a bag of Skittles in his back pocket.
Neuroscientist uses MRI scans to show that dogs have emotions similar to
humans – So this major brainiac spent two years to find
out what every person who has ever had a dog in their life could have told
him…could we please channel our monetary and intelligence resources to ending
cancer or at least developing longer battery life for my cell phone!
Clerk pulls huge knife on gunman – Cause if
the knife is really big, it will beat a gun?
Viagra sales faces stiff competition – Pfizer
hopes the competition will peter out after four hours.
Ole Miss must ban players – now – Well
there goes my trip to Ole Miss…why should a player even bother dude?
Athlete Rescued from Bathroom Stall
With Help of Twitter – Who knew there was an app for that?
most balls during recess – OUCH! Do they get them back when class starts?
Teacher accused of urging students to fail test resigns – Idiot teaching administrators have deemed teacher evaluation to be based
on student improvement on a standardized test.What did they expect would happen?This teacher was a bit overboard in clearly encouraging the students to
fail on purpose…I suspect it was her way of protesting a ridiculous evaluation
California court rules spanking with wooden spoon not abuse – Is it abuse ifI stab someone with a wooden fork?
Central Pa. man convicted of beating wife with wooden paddle for refusing
to call him 'sir' – So in California you can spank someone with a
wooden spoon, but in Pennsylvania you can’t whack someone with a wooden paddle?
This could be really confusing.
Vatican misspells Jesus's name on
commemorative medals – Father Guido Sarduccisaid, “Youa meen ees anama ees nota
Ralph ofa Nazareth?”
breathing man will remain dead in the eyes of Ohio law – I think Ohio law has a
Last week’s fake headline was:
UK rules “Shag Carpet”
must be advertised as “Deep Pile Carpet” – Too many people thought the carpet was a place to shag!