STUPID HEADLINES 100513
It is time once again for:
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| Aren't adultery and coveting considered pursuit of happiness? |
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
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Swedish researchers develop medicine to protect bees from deadly diseases – Now if they can only figure out how to vaccinate those little buggers
without getting stung.
Saudi cleric says driving hurts women's ovaries – What the hell
was he driving?
Airlines promise a return to
civility, for a fee – “Please,” “Thank you,” and “you’re
welcome” are offered by pilot and crew for a nominal fee…credit cards only.
High school pool shut down after water polo players start losing body hair – Thank God
they shut it down, swimming in body hair…Ewwww!
Convicted murderer marries fiancée after being sentenced to 53 years in
prison – The happy couple’s wedding dance was to The
Carpenter’s “Sing-Sing a Song.”
UK rules “Shag Carpet” must be advertised as “Deep Pile Carpet” – Too many people thought the carpet was a place to shag!
Long-lost Three Stooges movie found in Australia, to be screened – The good people down under thought it was in a foreign language. They were confused by Woo, woo, woo, woo and
Nyut, nyut, nyut.
Brian
Wilson confronts Giants CEO over World Series ring – What the heck does an old wacked out “Beach Boy” have to do with a World
Series Ring?
Florida boy, 8, suspended from school after using finger as imaginary gun –
Just another example of why we need stronger “Finger Control" laws!
The Bill Gates-backed company that's reinventing meat – If this invention also includes a mouse I’m staying away!
Arizona police officer asked not to wear uniform at daughter’s school – Parents were upset because the officer who came to pick up his daughter
had a gun. We need to pass a law that
makes COMMON SENSE LEGAL!!
Minn. man shoots self in heart with nail gun – He now
realizes it was probably not the best way to mend a broken heart.
Beaver butts emit goo used in vanilla flavored foods – Sooo…those little black specs are NOT from vanilla beans?
Grand jury indicts 13 members of Anonymous – The
members are identified as John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe,
John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, and
Robert A. Booey.
Beachgoers in Spain discover 30-foot giant squid – Just in time for the calamari festival.
Construction Worker
Stumbles Across 100-Foot Long Dinosaur Fossil – Worker claims he suffers
whiplash and is suing the owners of the worksite for leaving dinosaur fossils
around without a yellow “Warning, Dinosaur Fossil” sign.
Parents Catch School Buses Blowing Stop Signs – Come on parents, what a school bus does when it
is off duty is none of your business!
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Last week’s
fake headline was:
Bigfoot
sighted at mall in Paramus New Jersey – Unfortunately
not one of the 11,000 cell phones in the Mall was able to get a picture of the
beast.
And the
winners are:
TexWisGirl
said...
okay, i'm going for bigfoot this week.
Can't believe I got one right. I should quit
while I'm still behind but this week I'll go with the Bigfoot sighting.
I'm hitching my fake wagon to Bigfoot. Surely
he'd stay away from a mall, knowing how many more people would be messin' with
him than just some yahoos out on a country road, not giving him his Jack Links.
Okay, technically, that was Sasquatch, but I'm pretty sure they're cousins.
Check out
TexWisGirl for an excellent photo blog – birds/fences/animals…just go visit @
Fun posts from
Val the Victorian (she was her class Valedictorian)@
Great stories
and an occasional art lesson as only Stephen can tell them@
Tune in next
week for more STUPID HEADLINES!
what? did fishducky not play last week or did she actually miss one???
ReplyDeletei'm going with airline courtesy for a fee...
Busses blowing stop signs? That's just a little tmi, Joe. Well, OK, maybe a few pictures wouldn't hurt.
ReplyDeleteI'm back & I'm going with the shag carpet!!
ReplyDeleteHeeHee! Loved the nail gun mending the broken heart, and the sue-happy clumsy fossil-stumbler.
ReplyDeleteHowever...I'm picking the beaver butt goo as fake. Because I HOPE it is.
I am going with the airlines charging a fee for being nice. After the TSA feels me up all I am going to want is a smoke and I do not smoke.
ReplyDeleteI'll go with the Three Stooges. No nyut nyut translation needed over here!
ReplyDeleteLoved your comment on the Bill Gates story! And what the heck DOES an old Beach Boy have to do with a world series ring????
ReplyDeleteThe one about airline courtesy sounds stupid enough to be true but I'm guessing it isn't.
ReplyDeleteok, the really weird part is that i actually was aware of about 6 of these headlines before i ever came here.
ReplyDeletemy vote is for the anonymous crew.