STUPID HEADLINES 100513
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
|Aren't adultery and coveting considered pursuit of happiness?|
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
One headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
Swedish researchers develop medicine to protect bees from deadly diseases – Now if they can only figure out how to vaccinate those little buggers without getting stung.
Saudi cleric says driving hurts women's ovaries – What the hell was he driving?
Airlines promise a return to civility, for a fee – “Please,” “Thank you,” and “you’re welcome” are offered by pilot and crew for a nominal fee…credit cards only.
High school pool shut down after water polo players start losing body hair – Thank God they shut it down, swimming in body hair…Ewwww!
Convicted murderer marries fiancée after being sentenced to 53 years in prison – The happy couple’s wedding dance was to The Carpenter’s “Sing-Sing a Song.”
UK rules “Shag Carpet” must be advertised as “Deep Pile Carpet” – Too many people thought the carpet was a place to shag!
Long-lost Three Stooges movie found in Australia, to be screened – The good people down under thought it was in a foreign language. They were confused by Woo, woo, woo, woo and Nyut, nyut, nyut.
Brian Wilson confronts Giants CEO over World Series ring – What the heck does an old wacked out “Beach Boy” have to do with a World Series Ring?
Florida boy, 8, suspended from school after using finger as imaginary gun – Just another example of why we need stronger “Finger Control" laws!
The Bill Gates-backed company that's reinventing meat – If this invention also includes a mouse I’m staying away!
Arizona police officer asked not to wear uniform at daughter’s school – Parents were upset because the officer who came to pick up his daughter had a gun. We need to pass a law that makes COMMON SENSE LEGAL!!
Minn. man shoots self in heart with nail gun – He now realizes it was probably not the best way to mend a broken heart.
Beaver butts emit goo used in vanilla flavored foods – Sooo…those little black specs are NOT from vanilla beans?
Grand jury indicts 13 members of Anonymous – The members are identified as John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, John Doe, and Robert A. Booey.
Beachgoers in Spain discover 30-foot giant squid – Just in time for the calamari festival.
Construction Worker Stumbles Across 100-Foot Long Dinosaur Fossil – Worker claims he suffers whiplash and is suing the owners of the worksite for leaving dinosaur fossils around without a yellow “Warning, Dinosaur Fossil” sign.
Parents Catch School Buses Blowing Stop Signs – Come on parents, what a school bus does when it is off duty is none of your business!
Last week’s fake headline was:
Bigfoot sighted at mall in Paramus New Jersey – Unfortunately not one of the 11,000 cell phones in the Mall was able to get a picture of the beast.
And the winners are:
okay, i'm going for bigfoot this week.
Stephen Hayes said...
Can't believe I got one right. I should quit while I'm still behind but this week I'll go with the Bigfoot sighting.
I'm hitching my fake wagon to Bigfoot. Surely he'd stay away from a mall, knowing how many more people would be messin' with him than just some yahoos out on a country road, not giving him his Jack Links. Okay, technically, that was Sasquatch, but I'm pretty sure they're cousins.
Check out TexWisGirl for an excellent photo blog – birds/fences/animals…just go visit @
Fun posts from Val the Victorian (she was her class Valedictorian)@
Great stories and an occasional art lesson as only Stephen can tell them@
Tune in next week for more STUPID HEADLINES!