This re-run is from October 2011
I used to work in an office building which had eight elevators in the lobby. These elevators were high speed and you rarely had to wait more than ten seconds for a car. Ninety percent of the time, before the doors would close, some numb nuts would come running yelling, “hold the door.” The elevators in this building did not have a button labeled open or close; instead the buttons had an accordion pattern which I could never figure out. The closed accordion pattern represented either a closed door so you push to open, or this is the button that you push to close the door; visa versa for the open pattern.If you did not hit the correct button, the aforementioned numb nuts would curse and call you something unpleasant as the door slammed in his face. To which I always thought, “Relax asshole…and why is the ten extra seconds you might have to wait more important than me waiting an extra ten seconds for you to race to the door?”
This next one always irked me. Waiting for the door to close and some jerk leans over and pushes the close button (everyone could figure it out but me) then as the doors close he acts all cocky like if he hadn’t pushed the button the door would not have closed.THE DOOR CLOSES ON ITS OWN…JERK!!
These are the same idiots that push the button to change the light at a cross walk. They push and push and after three minutes when the light changes they think they actually did something.Why won’t some people let you out when you reach your floor? Just step the fuck out, let me go, and then you can get back in. It won’t leave without you!
People please don’t talk loud in the elevator! First off it is annoying and second when you get off I don’t get to hear the end of your conversation. I can’t tell you how many times I was late for work following these people to hear the end of a story.Parents please, control your kids! Why do parents let their kid push the buttons for every floor as they exit? GRRRRR!
When the elevator is crowded, some lady always touches me inappropriately! Please!! I am not a piece of meat. (I’m just kidding on this one, go ahead and fondle,)Finally, when on an elevator, please, I beg of you, please do not cut the cheese, they always blame the old guy!