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Friday, August 3, 2012



Mrs. Cranky loves a TV show…"Say Yes to the Dress."  This show brings brides-to-be and their generally large entourage to a fancy bridal shop to buy their wedding dress.

The host is Randy, a diminutive salesman with somewhat feminine mannerisms.  Randy is the consummate wedding dress salesman.  He has impeccable taste, treats the bride like a princess, and is a part time psychologist.

“Welcome, so you’re my beautiful bride, do you have any idea what kind of dress you want?”

The entourage shouts out:


“Ball dress!”

“Bling…wow factor!”

“Lots of rouging…and a crumb-catcher!”



“Show the girls!”

“blah blah blah!”

Randy has to ask, “Do you have a price point?”

“About $6000.”

Randy goes into action pulling dresses. 

The bride and her posse fight scratch and cry over every dress.  She tries on ten to twenty dresses and her helpers have something negative to say about each and every one.  Finally, Randy pulls out a dress with just the right amount of bling, and wow factor and everyone oohs, aahs and cries over a dress that is $4000 above the bride’s price range. 

Randy, with hands in prayer position asks, “So, are you saying YES to the DRESS?  The bride responds, “I’m saying YES TO THE DRESS!” Clap clap clap and the show ends.

I watch this show with Mrs. Cranky because she likes it and…well…I might be a little gay.  Still I want to see a male version…


The groom-to-be arrives at Randy’s shop with his best man, his brother, his future father-in-law and his dad to pick out and rent a tux.

“So, welcome to my tux shop.  My, what a handsome groom.  What kind of tux were you thinking of?”

“I was thinking black, no tails; something that would go with my black shoes.”

“Do you have a price point?”

“Yeah, about $150.”

“Hmmm, I have this one in your size, what do you think?”

“It’s good.”

Randy, with hands in prayer position asks, “So…are you saying Yeah; Why not to the Tux?”

“Ahh…Yeah; Why not?  Wrap it up.  Come on guys; let’s go to the titty bar.”

A giddy Randy does his flat-handed no-cup clap clap clap, and the show ends.

NEXT…Stay tuned as David Tutera plans the perfect bachelor party on:

“David Tutera fucks you up before the Wedding!”


  1. Tutera's a twit.

    I tried on three wedding dresses. I liked all three, bought the cheapest one.



  2. Think they could stretch guys renting tux's into a 30 minute show? I'm thinking they could show it at the end of the wedding dress show while they're running the credits.

  3. *giggles* For a friend's 1997 wedding, I was asked to organise their suits. The cheekier Groomsman and I had the fitter bring out 70's baby blue suits with frilled white shirts and sincerely say this is what I had chosen.
    The Groom *who was to wear his family plaid kilt* laughed, but one groomsman, known for his immaculate dress sense was quite .. shall we say politely, distressed. Thus was the strength of his belief in my eccentricness.

  4. Yes. A million times yes. Nail, meet head. Thank you.

  5. Cranky you truly are a gem. I love it you and my husband would totally get along. He has become addicted to four weddings. He would shoot me if he knew I just admitted this to cyber land

  6. Mrs. Chatterbox made me watch this program with her once. I didn't speak to her for the rest of the day.


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