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Saturday, August 4, 2012



 WARNING: If you are a counselor, marriage or otherwise, you might want to skip reading this post.  If you read it anyway, keep in mind I am just an old opinionated blowhard. 

I may need therapy.

I am not a fan of counselors.  I particularly do not like marriage counselors.  Marriage counselors are where wives take their husbands to punish them or where marriages go to die.  Often it is both. 

If you go to a doctor and are terminally ill he will tell you.  He will offer procedures or drugs to extend your life or even cure your disease, but he will be upfront with your prognosis.  A marriage counselor acts as if he can save every marriage that is in trouble.

I have never known a case where a troubled marriage was saved by a counselor.  By the time a couple goes to a counselor, the relationship is terminal.  Does the counselor ever tell a couple they are wasting their time (money)?  NEVER! 

Why do counselors never cure a troubled marriage? 

Couples never tell the counselor the truth.  The wife beats up on the husband, and opens up with all her ammunition, the husband usually just goes into defensive mode.  Women love to unload their feelings, especially if it helps validate their belief that their husband is a jerk.  Men hate to divulge their feelings, especially if their wife is present and she will throw those feelings right back in his face. 

No one can solve a couple problem with one-sided information.

Ninety-five percent of all marriage counseling sessions should end with, “In my professional opinion you two just don’t like each other and this marriage is terminal.”  Instead counselors will schedule as many sessions as possible knowing if he (I know it could be she…GOY) doesn’t suck you dry the divorce lawyers will.

The problem with all counselors is patients will not tell the truth about their behavior. 

Psychologists are presented with patients that are clearly wacked.  Their erratic behavior has been reported to them, and they are allowed to test the patient to diagnose their problem.

Counselors do not have that luxury.

A patient comes to a counselor and the first question the counselor asks is “So why are you here?”  The patient will say, “I can’t sleep” or “I have anxiety problems.”  Patients lie about their real problems or behavior. 

I know what you’re thinking, “That’s crazy!”


I know a person who went on and off to different counselors for fifteen years.  She said she suffered from depression and occasional anxiety attacks.  For fifteen years counselors tried to treat her for depression and anxiety attacks.

The truth is this person suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD.  I know this because I witnessed the behavior and diagnosed the symptoms on the internet. 
I know what you are thinking, "Cranky are you a trained licensed therapist?"
No, and I don't have a meterology degree either, but I know when it is snowing! 
Her counselors could not do this because she would never tell them her actual behavior.  She did not know her real behavior.  Crazy people change reality in their mind to keep their heads from exploding.  They don’t tell a counselor what he really needs to know. 

They’re crazy!       


  1. My psychologist rocked.
    I so wanted a solution. A life. To stop crying all the time. Not justification.
    I told her pretty much everything, so I am thinking this sort of proves your point.
    Psychology is for people who admit the want help, maybe and psychiatry is for people who won't admit they need help?

  2. You would go to a doctor to fix a problem, and wouldn't lie to him/her about it. By the time we reach for help, it may be too late. Any relationship worth saving is worth the work that will go into learning new communication habits.

    Cranky, you need more faith in these things.

  3. I took seeing two different psychologists for two different series of visits to finally come to the realization that the problem wasn't just me
    The sad thing was it was several years after the divorce
    I may not have been innocent, but I was only part of the problem

  4. Self help couseling is different than marriage counseling. It is effective because you are seeking help for yourself.
    I agree with Cranky on marriage counseling. The other party drags you there, is insincere to bolster her/his case. The end product is you are the bad guy or girl. And in your heart you know your spouse isn't telling the truth and when you try to clarify things the counselor says, "You need to listen to what your spouse is saying." You are effectively between a rock and a hard place. In the end, nothing is resolved.

  5. Cranky, I hope this doesn't mean that I need to fix up our spare bedroom for you.

  6. And don't forget about "counselor shopping". My ex went through three before she found one that would agree with her that I was the devil incarnate.



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