CONTACT - Seance with the famous

CONTACT – another Cranky re-run

This is an early Cranky post.  I think about 3 people read it so it is ripe for a re-run.  I think it is funny, but sometimes I’m a bit twisted!

I recently attended a séance with a local psychic.  I was skeptical at the start, but it must have been real, no one could have made this stuff up.  This psychic specialized in contacting famous people.  She talked to several icons, here is a sample:

 “George Washington, is that you George?”

“Yes it’s me, would I lie?”

“George, why did you chop down that tree?”

“Actually my old man did it, Mom was pissed.  He gave me a buck and I took the rap for him.”

“What?  So you lied?”

“Whatever.”

 “Damn, hey, it’s Steve Irwin.  He’s mumbling, I’m not sure what he is saying, what’s that Steve, speak up.”

“A sting ray? Crikey, a fucking sting ray?”

“FDR, FDR over here.  Any words for the living?”

“Yes!... Jonas, what took you so freaking long?” (I just re-read this and it took me about 10 minutes…Salk”)

“Wow, I have Abe Lincoln, any questions for the Abestir?”

“Ask him did he have any regrets.”

“Abe, any regrets?”

“Yes, I think I should have just said 87 years ago.  That and honestly, I should have skipped the show.”

“Marco Polo, is it you?”

“Yes it’s me.  Damn I explored Asia for 24 years, practically invented the modern map, and what am I famous for?  That annoying flipping kids swimming pool game!”

“JFK! Mr. President is there anything the USA could have done for you?”

“Don’t ask!”

“What is junior so angry about?”

“Oh, he’s pissed at Sinatra.  Every time he sees him, Sinatra starts singing ‘Come Fly with Me’ Frank; Frank it’s not that funny!”

“Oh my Lord, it’s Jesus Christ! Jesus, Jesus, are you planning a comeback?”

“Yes, and this time things will be different.  Warn everyone, when I come back don’t cross me!”