Taking a cranky day off and heading for the shore, here is a cranky re-run
The Smoke Detector
The Smoke Detector
The other day my breakfast was ruined as every 30 seconds an annoying beep came from the basement family room. I traced the annoying beep to a smoke detector in the basement.
“Why is it f***ing beeping?” I demanded of my more patient wife. “The battery must be low,” came the calm response.
“The BATTERY? WTF, the thing is hard wired!”
“In case of a power shortage there is a battery as a back-up. When the battery is low it beeps to warn you.”
“Really. What happens if there is a power failure, the battery is low, but the beep function is defective? We will all die!”
“Just change the battery……you’re a jerk.”
After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery. I twisted and turned back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.
Beep Beep! “FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”
“That new battery is a couple of years old; it must not be any good. Go out and get a new 9 volt and stop whining. You’re a jerk.”
The wife is almost never wrong on stuff like this, so I went to the hardware store for a new battery. Forty-five minutes later I was back. After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery. I twisted and turned it back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.
Beep Beep!
“FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”
“Are you sure you changed it correctly? What a jerk!”
“YES!!
Beep Beep.
Now I was really pissed. After much twisting, turning and prying I pulled down the offending detector (again) and unplugged it from the hard wiring.
Beep Beep.
WTF! I yanked out the battery.
Beep Beep.
Now I was really angry. I ran to the garage, grabbed a hammer, and smashed the smoke detector to bits. Silence.
“What did you do?”
“I busted the freaking thing up, that beep was driving me nuts.”
“That’s a short trip! Jerk.”
Sweaty but satisfied that the battle was over I was again jolted by that annoying sound.
Beep Beep.
I trudged downstairs hammer in hand ready to destroy. Destroy what I did not know. I stared at the hole in the ceiling and waited.
Beep Beep.
It was not coming from the ceiling. Listening carefully I traced the sound.
Beep Beep.
Found it! It was a Carbon Monoxide detector in the corner. One of three in the room left by the former owner! No carbon monoxide was going to get passed this basement un-noticed. The freaking thing was just defective. It is now defective about thirty yards into the woods where I chucked it. Problem solved!
“You’re a jerk!”
You, sir, have entered my pantheon of Gods. I have also rendered a smoke detector unable to reproduce, so I salute you as a fellow sensible man.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Great story. We've all been there. Mine however tend to start beeping at 3 in the morning. And my house had about 10 of the damn things. (I won't burn up...I'll just go mad!)
ReplyDeleteS
I don't believe it
ReplyDeleteThe low battery alert went off in the day time? Or, were you eating breakfast in the middle of the night?
sounds like how i would have handle the issue. :D
ReplyDeleteHow amazing.......you must be living my life.
ReplyDeleteI had exactly the same experience recently only I did not smash the smoke detector to smithereens......
just left it dangling when I finally realized that the problem was the damned carbon monoxide detector.
Garhhhhhh!
Damn....you beat me to the blog.
Nicely done, by the way.
Please don't mention this to the authorities, but there's a smoke detector buried in a shallow grave in my backyard. It just might have my fingerprints on it.
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