HEADLINES 060312

HEADLINES 060312

Sunday…already?  Time for Cranky’s headlines of the week and my stupid sophomoric sometimes offensive comments.

German teen solves 300-year-old mathematical riddle posed by Sir Isaac Newton – “If an apple falls at 5 feet a second from a 10’ high tree, how far will it fall in three hundred years? 

Fish steals man's prosthetic arm – Dangerous fish is now considered “Armed” and dangerous. (Sorry)

Milky Way galaxy doomed to head-on crash with Andromeda galaxy – Experts declare universe will end in 2 billion years unless we cut back on carbon emissions NOW!

Russian millionaire throws paper planes made from money into crowd – It seems a Ruble doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Humans Can Sniff Out Old Age in Others, Study Shows – DUH!! Two words…Aunt Edna.

NYC plans to ban sales of sugary drinks over 16 ounces – I don’t know about you but when I visit New York City I’ll feel a whole lot safer.

Guitar Pee urinal turns user into a music whiz – And you thought there would never be a headline with pee, urinal and whiz in the same sentence with guitar and music!

Physical Education Is Good for Kids' Grades, Study Finds – Duh…an easy A in Gym has to help students grades.*

$4K golden vibrator stolen in armed Brazil heist – Police are searching for a woman, 5’4”, long brown hair, about 115 pounds and with a really big smile!

Virginia school board votes to remove Ten Commandments from school – Wear your pants below your underwear…OK…Tee shirt says you’re an idiot…OK…Skin tight pants with “juicy” and or hand prints on the butt…OK…Belly shirts…OK…Text or sext during class…OK.  Ten Commandments in school…BIG PROBLEM!

Texas teacher of the year accused of 'sexting' with teenage student – Apparently it was not a good year for Texas teachers.  But there was no Ten Commandments in the school.

*Apologies to my Physical Education teacher Son and Daughter –in-law.