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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS
I just got back from the supermarket.  Waiting to check out I saw an article in what appeared to be a reputable magazine that will rock the socks off this year’s presidential election.
It seems that Hillary Clinton is actually 327 years old.  She is not from Earth, but is in fact from the underground world on the planet Saturn “Undersaturnia.”  Her real name is “Kankleticus”, and she took over the body of the infant Hillary with instructions to take over Earth so all the inhabitants can be enslaved to work on farms in Undersaturnia. 
This explains why she is so sympathetic to the cause of illegal aliens.
The plan is first she becomes President of the United States, and then with other worldwide plants of Undersaturnia she is declared emperor of the world.
Donald Trump has been sent from the non-evil citizens of Undersaturnia who make up one percenter of that population.  His real name is “Oranghairius.” He will expose Hillary for the fraud that she is and stop the enslavement of the citizens of Earth.  His reward will be exclusive rights to turn Texas into a giant golf resort for the one percenters of Undersaturnia.
Proof of this plot will be made available sometime in the second week of November.
If you think this election is important you are right.  If you want to be enslaved and shipped off to work the underground farms of Undersaturnia, then vote for Hillary.  If you want to live under the leadership of the Good and Great Oranghairius, vote for Trump.
If you are from Texas, you are screwed either way.

19 comments:

  1. Heh, heh! The cankles! The cankles! Too bad orange hair can't be questionable-tastefully disguised with a pantsuit...

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  2. I think we are ALL screwed, even if we are not Texans...

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  3. NOW I finally understand what's going on!!

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  4. Sounds less far fetched than the actual stuff on the news.

    Hillary should pick up on that story. Rumors of being an illegal alien did not hurt President Obama, and you'd have to say she looks great for 327 years old.

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  5. In that picture she looks more like one of the lizard people from "V".

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  6. I bet you can't wait for November!!

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  7. yup. and here i thought cruz was a big problem for texas...

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  8. We used to vote red or blue. Now it's orange or whatever.

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  9. I was thinking she was starting to look a bit old, but she looks fabulous for 327 years.

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  10. And people actually pay money to buy that stuff that people write. My mom called those papers the "rags". I used to love to buy them for her and then read them after she was done with them.

    It will be a long time until November I fear.

    betty

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  11. I'll have what she is having. She is 327 and I look twice her age.

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  12. Pretty much sizes this election up doesn't it.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  13. Sigh. You've made me nostalgic for my favorite long-dead weekly newspaper, The Weekly World News. Loved it dearly.

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  14. Well, I was buying this as literal truth right up to the line about Orangehairius having the role of saving the earth. Then I started to suspect this may be some kind of spoof.

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  15. Heeheehee! So, what is Undersaturnia like again?

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  16. I want to know how lowandslow feels about that last line.

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    Replies
    1. Betina, that scandal rag must have forgotten that every man, woman, and child in Texas owns at least 10 guns, and knows how to use them all. Game ON! ;)

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