"WHY DON’T YOU EVER LISTEN?"
a re-run from February 2015
The other day I was in my basement cave. I was watching Judge Judy, and practicing on my guitar. Both the washing machine and the dryer were running in the adjacent laundry room.
“JOSEPH…JOSEPH!!”
It is never good when Mrs. C calls me Joseph. It is never good when any woman calls you by your given name. When my mom was upset she would call by my whole given name, middle name included. For some reason, when women are angry they use your proper name.
Anyway.
“JOSEPH!!”
“What? Are you all right? Why are you yelling?”
“Why don’t you listen? I have been calling your name for two minutes, can’t you hear me?”
“Evidently not. It is noisy down here, the TV is on, the washing machine is on, the dryer is on, and I’m practicing guitar.”
“Well you should still be able to hear me for crispy sake, I have been yelling.”
“Well I can’t hear you. Why do you get angry because I can’t hear you? If I was blind would you get angry at me for bumping into stuff?”
“You are not blind and you are not deaf, you just don’t listen.”
“I am listening. I am listening to the TV, I am listening to the washing machine, I am listening to the dryer and I am listening to my guitar.”
“Well then you should also listen to me! You can hear me now, you could hear me if you would just listen, you never listen.”
“So when I am listening to the TV, the washing machine the dryer and my guitar I should also be listening for you, even though you are not saying anything?”
“Yes!”
“So at all times, I should be listening to see if you are talking? What am I, on call? Do I need to be ever vigilant in case you suddenly decide to say something from another floor of the house?”
“You’re a jerk!”
“Well now you have my attention, what the hell do you want from me that is so gol damn important that I need to be on call 24/7?”
RT- I am pretty sure that it is correct to say “That is so important” not “that am so important.” Who the heck be program Microsoft grammar check?
"I wanted to know what you wanted me to make for dinner, and to remind you we need to eat early if you don’t want to miss 'Gold Rush' tonight. You know, your favorite show, the show that I hate but I never complain about when you watch it every Friday."
“Oh…ah chicken…and yes on the early…thank you!...Sorry.”
I wold have thought after the first couple of yells she would just come downstairs to see why you can't hear her.
ReplyDeleteThis so reminded me of home, when my Joe was referred to as Joseph. Fortunately for us we lived in a small bungalow where you could hear each other breathe. No need to shout unless he was at the bottom of our rather long garden.
ReplyDeleteI've started clapping to get my spouse's attention.
ReplyDeleteSo nice to know we are not the only couple having these conversations......
ReplyDeleteHum, do they still make pagers? By the way, I love "for crispy sake".
ReplyDeleteI love it that you have these conversations too. I'm guessing about every married couple have them at some point.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joseph. Bwahahahahahahaha. ☺
Bob and I don't hear each other any more unless we're in the same room and facing each other. Even then, it's sometimes iffy. If we really need the other to know something, we make eye contact before speaking! You're absolutely right about the full name meaning business. I even use that technique on my grandchildren to get their full attention.
ReplyDeleteYou should listen Joe :)
ReplyDeleteOf course you call the full name after the first couple of times, after all, it lets them know they are on warning to pay attention. No, i do not expect anyone to hear me when i am on another floor and the person i am calling is in a noisy environment.
ReplyDeleteThe "sorry" was a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! I love this part: "If I was blind would you get angry at me for bumping into stuff?”
ReplyDeleteThat would almost make me not so mad at you...AFTER you said "Sorry."
Oh....I loved the "for crispy sake". I'm going to use that one.......soon. :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry, can you repeat that?
ReplyDeleteHeh heh, Queenie held a conversation last night for near 30 minutes before she realized I wasn't responding from the other room .... where I was wearing headphones while working on an audio project. And yeah, you guessed right if you guessed it was my fault .....
ReplyDeleteha ha, excellent. I like the "For crispy sake" I'm going to use that when the occasion arises!
ReplyDeleteOh for crispy's sake...couldn't she just TEXT you???
ReplyDelete;-)