Lamps

Lamps

OK, once again I got nothing so I’ll just pick a topic and see where it goes.  As I made this decision I saw a lamp on Facebook, so that is the topic.  Pretty exciting, right?

Lamp…lamp…hmmm, I don’t much use lamps anymore.  We used to have lamps on end tables in the living room growing up, and I would use them lamp to read by.  In my bedroom, there was a desk lamp for doing homework, or avoiding doing homework.  In our den, now called a family room, there was one of those standing lamp things with a table attached for holding drinks and stuff.

Lots of lamps back in the day.

Today, not so much.  We have a couple of table lamps in our living room, but we almost never use that room.  It should be called the “No one lives here room” because it is never used…it does stay clean and looks nice for guests, but still is never used, so neither are the lamps.

We do not have any other lamps in the entire house.  I don’t need a lamp for using the computer, it has it has own light.  I don’t need a lamp to read a book, I read books off a “Nook” tablet thing which also has its own light.

I do have a sort of lamp on my Bbq grill.  It goes on when you lift the grill lid and off when you close the lid, but it is only dark when I grill a couple of months of the year, and I don’t grill as often when it is freezing outside.

I have a cheap light that clips onto the brim of my hat, also used for night time grilling…is that a lamp?

I think I should have picked something less boring, but first thing spotted was my rule, maybe next time I need material I’ll be reading a dirty magazine, or looking at guitars, (almost equally exciting to me these days sad to say) but that is about all I’ve got on lamps.

Used to have a lot of them, used them a lot, now they are only decorations for a room we never use, are lamps headed for extinction in our world? 

We did use a lamp to get through eight days of no power after super- storm Sandy so they are needed for emergencies.  

Wait, that was a lantern…Never mind.

The Oscars

The Oscars

They recently announced the nominees for this years Oscars.

I love movies.  We make really great movies in this country.  The actors in our movies are incredibly talented.  They create characters, they imitate real characters.  It is not easy to pretend to be someone else.  It is a real talent.  There’s much talent in the movie industry. The directors are talented, the writers are talented, the set designers, costume designers are all very talented.

For this talent, these people are paid and paid well, at least the really talented ones are.  They are paid more than you or I could even imagine.  They are paid more than CEO’s athletes, politicians, and lets fce it, as much as they moan about the long hours and the makeup and blah, blah blah; they love doing what they do.

I don’t begrudge these people their huge income, I envy them; I would love to be paid a lot for doing what I love to do.  What does annoy me, is all the awards.  It is not enough to be paid huge sums for doing what you love to do, these people also have to heap awards on themselves, and clap for themselves and expect the people who fund their huge salaries to also go all gaga over them and shower them with awards given away at award shows.

They collect their awards, thank the little people, act all humble, and with a large audience of fans gushing over their statue take the opportunity to spout their own politics and ideas, because they are so special and so smart, their ideas must be extra special.

·       I’d be fine with an award for best actor, and best movie.  Take a vote and then announce it on the six o’clock news like major sports do with their MVP awards.  But no; the industry has Golden Globe awards, People’s Choice Awards, the OSCARS, along with awards from:

·       American Film Institute (AFI) - Link

          Austin Film Critics Association (AFCA)

     Black Film Critics Circle (BFCC)

     Boston Society of Film Critics (BSFC) - Link

     Broadcast Film Critics Association (BFCA) - Link

    Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA)

    Chicago Film Critics Association (CFCA) - Link

    Dallas-Fort Worth Film Critics Association (DFWFCA) - Link

    Denver Film Critics Society (DFCS)

    Detroit Film Critics Society

    Florida Film Critics Circle (FFCC) - Link

   Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association (GALECA) - Link

   Georgia Film Critics Association (GFCA)

   Golden Raspberry Awards (a.k.a. the Razzies)

   Gotham Awards

   Houston Film Critics Society (HFCS)

   Indiana Film Journalists Association (IFJA)

   Iowa Film Critics (IFC)

   Las Vegas Film Critics Society (LVFCS) - Link

   Los Angeles Film Critics Association (LAFCA) - Link

   Maverick Movie Awards (MMA) Link

   Murray Film Critics Circle Awards

   National Society of Film Critics (NSFC) - Link

   National Board of Review (NBR) - Link

   New York Film Critics Circle (NYFCC) - Link

   New York Film Critics Online (NYFCO)

   Nollywood and African Film Critics Awards (NAFCA)

   North Carolina Film Critics Association (NCFCA)

   North Texas Film Critics Association (NTFCA)

   Political Film Society (PFS)

   San Diego Film Critics Society (SDFCS) - Link

   San Francisco Film Critics Circle (SFFCC) - Link

   Seattle Film Critics (SFC)

   St. Louis Gateway Film Critics Association (SLGFCA)

     Village Voice Film Poll

   NYU Tisch School of the Arts Wasserman Award

   Washington D.C. Area Film Critics Association - (WAFCA) - Link

   X-Rated Critics Organization (XRCO) Heart-On Awards

Each award show has awards for about forty categories.

Where are the award shows for our firefighters, our police officers, our teachers, our scientists, our doctors, our engineers, etc. etc. etc.?

“And this years “Sparky” for best firefighter in a supporting role during a three-story fire…for helping save the lives of two children, a grandmother, and a puppy…Sara Weintraub!” Clap, clap, clap.

I might even watch one of those award shows.

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS

This cranky re-run is from January 2013

It is a standard joke that men will never ask for directions.  No matter how lost, men will plod along forever till they run out of gas rather than ask for directions.  As with most running jokes or stereotypes, there is some justification for this myth.

But:

The truth is that men will ask for directions, they just will not ask for them as quickly as will women.  Women will suggest, “Pull over and ask for directions” at the drop of a hat.  The result is man can never be right regarding directions.  No matter the result of asking directions they will always be told, “Well it didn’t hurt to ask.”

If a man and his lady are in the car looking for a specific location, the woman will question the directions without any indication of being lost.

“I think we should pull over and ask for directions.”

“Why, we have the directions that Ralph gave us…so far they seem correct.”

“I don’t trust Ralph; remember how he gave us bad directions to the lake.”

“No, his directions were spot on.  You demanded we ask a pimply-faced teenager for directions when we were only a ½ mile from the lake.  He told us to turn around and sent us to the wrong lake.”

“Well Ralph never mentioned the McDonalds.  How can you not mention a landmark like that?  It made me think we missed a turn.”

“Landmark?  It was a fast food restaurant on route 130.  There is a fast food restaurant on every corner!”

“Not a McDonalds!  Those big golden arches…How do you not mention big golden arches?  Just pull over and ask someone.  Why are you afraid to ask?”

“Ok, ok I’ll pull into this Exxon station.  The dude with the turban and the strap-on beard looks like a local…Excuse me sir, can you tell me is this the way to Calvert Place?”

“Catchochatch?”

“What?”

CATCHOCHATCH?…CATCH O CHATCH FOR GAS!!*

“No, I don’t need gas, just directions.”

“Catch?”

“No catch, no chatch, no gas…directions!”

“Direct?  Where you go?”

“Calvert Place.”

“I tell, one dollar.”

“One dollar?  That’s crazy.  One dollar for directions?”

“Oh give him the dollar; it will be worth it to not get lost.”

“Ok, here, one dollar, now do you know where Calvert Place is?”

“Yes…turn right at light on corner when you pull out of station.  You know, at the sign that says ‘Calvert Place’.”

“…Thanks…  That’s just great, one dollar to point out Calvert Place twenty yards away.  Ralph’s directions were right again.”

“Well he should have said to look for an Exxon Station.  How do you not mention a big friggin tiger?  And what did it hurt to just ask?”

*In New Jersey we do not pump our own gas.  "Catchochatch"  is gas station-attentant language for "Will that be cash or charge sir?"  Do not ask "What?" or you will be yelled at for being a stupid American who does not understand perfectly clear gas station-attendant language.

Stupid Headline 012917

Stupid Headline 012917

It’s time again for

Wait...what?

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 

________________________

When horse diapers and freedom of religion collide – I don’t even want to know!

Online Ugliness: Inauguration sparks anti-Trump vitriol on social media – Not a problem, I have simply clicked the appropriate Facebook buttons and political sources of all persuasions are slowly disappearing.  Have also had to “unfollow” (not “unfriend” ) a few friends and some family…I also stay away from news channels on TV.  I am much calmer.  It has been as difficult as quitting smoking, but just as worth it.

Pat Buchanan: 1968 Protests were Far Worse than Today – Of course in 1968, men were protesting about having to die in a country they never heard of for a war that they had no idea what it was about, and today women are protesting to be given rights which by law they’ve had for years, so…*

Pope forces conservative out in condom battle – I wonder if this isn’t just a Trojan horse.**

No !@#$%ing way! N.J. curses more than any state – I don’t know what assholes came up with this crap, but it is fucking bullshit!

Tech billionaires reportedly stock up on ‘apocalypse insurance’ – So if the world comes to an end…where do you go to collect?

Drug dealers used home of Kennedy relatives on Cape Cod – “Er ah, er ah, wanna, er ah, er ah, buy some dope?”

Call it 'Smunday': Heinz pushing to make Super Bowl Monday a national holiday – Yes, yes, and YES!

Massive crack discovered in Arizona desert – Turns out it was just a plumber’s convention.

Burger King Employees Sold Pot With Order of 'Extra Crispy Fries – “Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, take some cannabis instead-us”

Officials announce proposal that would establish California as separate nation – Well that would swing the popular vote to Trump, but he’d have to build a longer wall.

And the feel-good story of the week:

People Are Making Huge Sweaters To Protect Elephants From The Cold – Who knew!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/elephants-huge-sweaters_us_58879f87e4b0b481c76b49d6?section=us_good-news

___________________________________

Come Back Next Week For More

 STUPID HEADLINES!!

Unisex Restroom

Unisex Restroom

A cranky opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man, opposing opinions are welcome and may even make some sense.  As always, please, no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid-head.

Last week on a post about a concert I attended, I mentioned the men’s room was invaded by ladies who did not want to wait in a long line.  They used booths that were not being used.  

http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2017/01/me-concert.html 

My comment was it was no big deal.

Several people commented on this post that they believe we should have unisex restrooms, not two gender specific restrooms.  Now this would not really bother me that much, I don’t care if a lady sees something, I don’t care if anyone hears my gossip, I don’t mind man stink, I am used to stepping around men’s poor aim and men’s sloppy sinks don’t bother me.  So, fine by me, except why?

What would a unisex restroom accomplish?

I can see some disadvantages.  First off it would be expensive to convert from our current protocol.  I suppose you could designate one area as “Urinals” and one area as “booths.”  That would pretty much be the same as a men’s room and a ladies’ room except that men would take a crap on the lady’s side.

I guess women could take some pleasure in men standing in line to use vacant urinals, but that would only make the line longer for everyone.  Longer but equal wait.  Why is that better?

Why do we feel it is better to change simply for the sake of equality, when the result of a well-intended change results in equal but worse. 

I don’t about you, but my restrooms at home are off limits to everyone, even my wife when I am an occupant.  Why can’t we maintain some semblance of gender separation?  No good can come of a unisex system.

How about making the men’s rooms a little smaller…cut down on the booths, we seldom use them all anyway.  Make the ladies rooms larger and add booths by making them smaller (are they the same size as in men’s rooms?  I don’t know why, but they are way too large in the man’s room.)

If you are genetically male but identify as a female, use the ladies room, but don’t be creepy.  If you are genetically female but identify as a male, you are welcome to the limited men’s room booths, but don’t be creepy.  I don’t know lady’s room rules, but if you use a men’s room, we have rules. 

1.    No looking

2.    No touching, not even an accidental elbow rub

3.    No talking to strangers

4.    No being creepy  

Right or wrong, unisex restrooms would clearly upset about 75% or more of the people in this country.  I don't see any benefit to upsetting so many people other than to prove some kind of really stupid point.

If anyone has any benefits to unisex restrooms that outweigh the sensibilities of a very large portion of the population, I’d like to hear them.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

GETTING TO WORK

GETTING TO WORK

More accurately remembering getting to work.

I think the thing I miss the least about being retired is commuting to work.  I commuted in many different ways, none were anything but miserable.  Actually one commute was enjoyable, I’ll save that for last.

In my 40 years of employ, I mostly commuted to work by train.  The train commute was not always too bad.  Sometimes you got a seat, the train was on time, and the conductor was not an asshole.  Most of the time you either had to stand or you sat next to a talker, a sneezer, or a read-over-the-shoulderer, and the conductor was in fact an asshole.

Standing on a rocking train is understandably miserable.  Sitting next to an annoying passenger needs no explanation.  Asshole conductors need some description.  

When you leave you monthly ticket in the seat holder so you can nap and the conductor wakes you to hand it back, he is an asshole.  When you display a no longer valid ticket because you forgot to get a new monthly ticket, instead of saying, “Excuse me sir, this is last month’s ticket, do you have the new one” says instead, “What is this?” He is an asshole.  When you had too much to drink at the Christmas party and the conductor wakes you up as you are pulling away to say you missed your stop, he is an asshole.  When he asks for additional fare because you are traveling past your stop, he is a big asshole.  I could go on, suffice it to say, I did not like most of the train conductors.

Getting to the train was not fun.  Part of the problem was I was always cutting the schedule tight.  Most of my time I drove, about a 15 to 20-minute-high anxiety drive because I was always a little late.  Also, years ago my dad told me when buying a house always buy east of the train station so the sun is not in your eyes going and returning from the station.  I did not heed his admonition; bad mistake. 

The last few years of my career, I lived an easy walk one block away from the train.  That made my commute only half as bad as before.

What was the one commute that was somewhat enjoyable?  For one year, I lived in an apartment on Staten Island, New York.  From my balcony, I had a view of the city, the Statue of Liberty, and the Staten Island Ferry bringing commuters back and forth to the city. 

The Ferry; that was the commute I enjoyed.

A ten-minute bus ride to the ferry was not the greatest, but the ferry was the best commute ever.  Grab a Daily News Paper for 8 cents, buy coffee on the boat for 15 cents, and get a nice seat as you glide along past the Statue of Liberty on to lower Manhattan.  This was a trip tourists came from miles away to enjoy.  In the warm weather, you sat outside and enjoyed the smell of sea air with your coffee and paper.  The trip was about twenty minutes and cost a nickel…I believe it is now free.

I don’t miss the train, I certainly don’t miss the conductors, I don’t miss the driving, or even the walking to get to work, but I do kind of miss that Ferry Ride.

What Do I Need That For?

What Do I Need That For?

I remember in the fifties and even the early sixties, my grandma had a house at the Jersey Shore.  We visited often for a week or for weekends.  Grandma Gus (mom’s stepmom) did not have a phone. We often asked,

“Grandma Gus, why don’t you get a phone (probably cost about $1.25 a month).”

“What do I need that for?  There is a pay phone at the end of the block.”

“But what if we want to call you?”

“What call, just come, I’m here and we have lots of rooms…send a letter or telegram if it is important.”

I’m pretty sure no one sent telegrams anymore.

We made fun of Grandma Gus for her “What do I need that for?” philosophy.

My mom never wanted cable TV.

“What do I need that for, I get three channels for free?”

We made fun of mom for her “What do I need that for?” philosophy.

Well, now I find myself doing the same thing.

My son tells me I should get a Bluetooth to talk on the phone in the car.

“What do I need that for, if it’s really important I can pull over the side of the road.”

I’m told we don’t need a phone land line anymore, the cell phone is all you need.

“I don’t trust the cell phone, on 9-11 lots of cell phones didn’t work.”

“Dad, if cell service is out there won’t be many land lines left for you to call.”

“I like my land line!”

“You should get Netflix, they have all the movies you watch and new original TV shows.”

“What do I need that for?  I can buy the DVD’s and I get tons of movies on TV now.”

“You should get a GPS so you never get lost in the car.”

“What do I need that for, my wife knows every road in New Jersey?”  I do use the GPS since I found it worked on the cell phone and when I drive alone.

“New cars have back-up cameras”

“What do I need that for, the rearview mirror still works.”

Every time someone tells me I should use new technology, I am convinced I don’t need it.

I am still convinced I don’t need most of today’s new gadgets.  Even as I sit in bed typing on my laptop computer, watching cable TV on a “smart” TV, with a cell phone by my side in case someone calls, while my coffee maker stands ready to brew when I pop in a k-cup and I can heat up leftovers for lunch in the microwave, which I can eat by the warmth of our gas fireplace which goes on at the press of a button.  If I need to go to the store the garage door opens automatically when I press a button and I can enjoy perfect reception on satellite radio on the way to the store where I don’t need cash to make my purchase, and if I do, I can get it at the ATM machine. 

So many nice things to have that didn’t use to exist, but still, when I think of it,

“What do I need them for?”

How is this show allowed on the air?

How is this show allowed on the air?

What would you say about a game show that regularly offends other cultures and women?  A show that encourages smoking? A show that openly mocks and questions the intelligence of participants? Is there such a show on the air? Yes there is, and I find it disgraceful.

The moderator on this game show regularly asks questions with a degrading Chinese, Japanese, or German stereotypical accent.  The questions often refer to actions of intellectually disabled people.  Many questions have clear sexual innuendoes.  Disgraceful.

Celebrities on the show smoke cigarettes and even on occasion a pipe, without regard for the damage their second-hand smoke forces on other celebrities, contestants or the audience.  Disgraceful!

Attractive female contestants have to endure leering and sexually charged comments.  They are expected from time to time to kiss the celebrities…ON THE LIPS! Disgraceful!

When a contestant gives a bad answer, the moderator feels no compunction about making derogatory comments.  He often belabors the derogatory comments and even invites the audience to taunt and boo.

This show often makes fun of the way others dress, if they have an accent they are made fun of, and their occupations are often disparaged. Disgraceful!

The show is on every morning on a cable game show network.  The disgraceful broadcasts are shows from the 1970’s, TV’s “Match Game.”

Pipe smoking on TV...disgraceful!



It was a popular daytime game show.  I don’t know how the people from the 1970’s survived this disgraceful show.  Yet I now watch it daily.

The most entertaining thing is picking out all the things TV can no longer say or do today that were apparently not that offensive in 1970.

Celebrity kissing a contestant...disgraceful!



Some things from the 70’s are offensive today because we have been told they are offensive.  Some things are offensive today because we are just more enlightened.

Interesting how times change, in the 70’s you could make fun of different cultures, sexually harass women, and smoke on daytime TV, but you could not say “penis or vagina.” 

Toof Goof!

Toof Goof!

Is it OK to use this blog to vent?  Not you; me…I need to vent!

Sometime after Thanksgiving I went to an oral surgeon to have a troublesome molar removed.  The surgeon came in, said hello, asked me which tooth and yanked it in about two minutes.  I was handed a sheet of instructions for dealing with the pain and the bleeding.  The surgeon then left the room.

After about a week, the area was still tender.  I felt around with my finger and it seems there was still a shard of tooth left in the gum which was irritating.  I had an extraction years ago, and experienced the same thing.  A bit of tooth left over from the extraction was like a splinter in the gum.  It eventually worked its way out.  I figured the same thing would happen.

After a week or so the irritation still existed, the splinter was not working its way out, so I called the surgeon and made an appointment.  I went sometime right after Christmas; the irritation had lasted at least three weeks.

When I showed up the surgeon asked what was the problem.

“I have an irritation from the extraction, I think there is still some tooth left in the gum.”

He looked at the area with one of those tiny bendy mirrors on a stick thing and told me.

“Hmm, have you been poking around, it seems to be a ‘puffalated predigital infarction’ (or some such term).  What you are feeling is just bone, not tooth.  Leave it along and it will heal over quickly.”

Bam, the surgeon was gone.

Now I had an irritation where there used to be a tooth, and I was also feeling guilty for causing it by poking around.  I felt bad about wasting the surgeons 48 seconds of time.

Now for the last almost month I have been careful to not touch the ‘puffalated predigital infarction’ and allow it to heal over. I have been forced to chew on the non ‘puffalated predigital infarction’ side of my mouth and sometimes it has just plain hurt!

Tonight, much as I knew better, I was feeling the small perturbing bone along the ‘puffalated predigital infarction’ with my tongue and the small perturbing bone seemed to move.  Against my better judgement, because it was poking that caused the ‘puffalated predigital infarction’ in the first place, I scratched at the bone with my finger nail.

The perturbing bone popped out!  It was a tiny splintered shard of the extracted tooth.  Exactly as I told the surgeon I thought it was before he told me it was a ‘puffalated predigital infarction’.

MOTHER FLICKER!!

I felt instant relief.

I’ve been in pain for almost a month after this bonehead told me I had a ‘puffalated predigital infarction’ when all the time it was exactly what I told him I thought it was.  This is the second time out of the only two extractions I have ever had that all the tooth was not removed.  It must be a fairly common occurrence. 

Oh look, it is common!

https://www.animated-teeth.com/tooth_extractions/a-tooth-fragment-sequestra.htm?utm_expid=17935269-7.w4S0B2PhQgGFPNSf4EjcTg.0&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F 

I get that with all the blood and stuff from the original extraction a shard of tooth could be overlooked, but why wouldn’t the patient be advised that this could happen?  Then, when a patient says it feels like a shard of tooth is still remaining, what competent surgeon would not take a thorough look and see that it is in fact a piece of tooth still remaining?

A month of discomfort because this bubblehead wouldn’t take more than 48 seconds to look at my complaint.  He should have said “Oh yeah, missed a piece” and plucked out with tweezers.  I guess he skipped class the day dental  college explained extracted tooth remnants.

Jerk!

End rant.