I Hope You’re Happy
I may have
spoken in the past of Mrs. C’s tendency to be a hoarder. If not, Mrs. C tends to be a hoarder*. She is getting better, but still, she does
have a problem letting things go. If I
threaten to toss some useless junk, her eyes gloss over and she gets a look of
panic on her face. We won’t be on that
horrible hoarder TV show, but it is an issue.
The other
day I was cleaning up some papers, tearing them up as they had some potentially
sensitive numbers and information on them.
One page had no sensitive information on it and as I was about to tear
it up, Mrs. C stopped me.
“I can use the blank side if I need
to print something.”
“Oh please, that’s ridiculous, it’s a
piece of paper, let me toss it.”
“It is a good piece of paper!”
This was not
a battle worth fighting.
Fast forward
a couple of days.
We have a
humidifier in our bedroom. (We have forced hot air heating, and if you do not humidify the air you
get dry skin and itchy scalp.) The humidifier broke down and we purchased an identical
unit. Mrs. C left the old unit for me to
toss…sans the big globe that holds the water.
“Where is the water holding globe?”
“…”
“Kare?”
“I’m not ready to throw it away yet.”
“Why the hell not?”
“In case the new plastic globe
breaks.”
“You’re kidding!”
“Just leave it alone, I’ll take care
of it.”
This was
another battle not worth fighting; but I was annoyed that this globe that we
would never use will take up space somewhere.
As I was fuming to myself, I saw the stupid piece of paper she did not
want to throw away on top of a pile of similar stupid papers.
That’s right;
I ripped it up and threw it away.
That night
when Mrs. C came home from work she gave me that look.
“I hope your happy!”
I was pretty
sure where this was going, but sometimes a wife will trick you. Kind of like when a cop asks, “Do
you know why I stopped you?”
I Played
dumb, not wanting to admit to something she was not trying to have me confess.
“What are you talking about.”
“You threw away that piece of paper
to spite me didn’t you!”
Damn, a
borderline hoarder and a detective as well!!
“Maybe.”
“I hope you’re happy!”
I don’t know
what or when, but there will be payback, and payback will be a bitch.
*Due to some comments I feel it necessary to reiterate, my wife is not an actual hoarder, we both just have very different ideas on the value of some objects.
*Due to some comments I feel it necessary to reiterate, my wife is not an actual hoarder, we both just have very different ideas on the value of some objects.
It doesn't help that Mrs. Cranky has an incredibly sharp memory and will remember that which she wishes to save. Hubby is the "hoarder" in this family but often forgets what he might want to hoard. The trick is to be patient to wait until he has forgotten such item and then to properly dispose of it. We too have a lot of items that he thinks we should keep just in case the other one stops working. Slowly but surely those things are making their way to the trash bin. Its just a matter of timing and patience.
ReplyDeletebetty
Hahahaha. If you were going to get "the look" anyway, you should've gone ahead and tossed the water globe. :)
ReplyDeleteGiven half a chance, I would pack up my clothes and the family jewels and make toast out of the rest of it ...
ReplyDeleteWhoops, just call me Mrs C. Only this morning I had to talk myself into putting stuff in a bag for charity collection. Stuff I will probably never miss! Nevertheless you have my sympathy, being the other half can be difficult at times.
ReplyDeleteI do hope payback isn't as bad as you expect. I'm not exactly in hoarder territory, but I do tend to hold on to things unnecessarily. Until now. Two days ago I cleaned out my pantry and threw out a lot of things I just don't cook with anymore. I was kidding myself that one day I might still cook and bake like I used to. Never going to happen, so out went sweet things that used to make desserts, spices that used to go into casseroles and so on. I have so much space in that cupboard now! So I moved on to the bathroom cabinet, the wardrobe in the bedroom; this coming weekend I'll be clearing out the junk drawers full of papers pens etc in the cupboard behind where I sit at the table. Some of these things are upsetting to get rid of, but I'm being tough on myself.
ReplyDeleteUsed to be married to a real hoarder...25 trash picked bicycles in the living room when I moved out...there is no cure!
ReplyDeleteI don't touch SD's stuff which includes lots of bits of paper carefully torn into small list size pieces. I generally get them back when he writes my lists on them! Trying to get him to sort and put away/get rid of several bags of Christmas/Birthday presents sitting in the bedroom all carefully re-wrapped in the paper they came in but it's probably not going to happen ...
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha It sounds hilarious but in truth I used to fear I was one, only to find out it was really my husband. I am finally now down to bare bones with an empty...... yes actually empty......garage.
ReplyDeletePayback is always a bitch...especially when a woman holds the cheque book.
ReplyDeleteI don't mess with anything that's my husbands. I don't throw things away. If he wants to keep it then he can keep whatever he wants. It's working for us very well.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joe. My best to Mrs. Hoarder. ☺
I don't own a printer because my papers are a mess. So if I need anything printed I head off to our local library.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on
My daughter had a patient featured on TLC's Hoarder show. In fact, she goes to many homes where hoarding is an issue. It always accompanies some sort of significant loss (death of a child or a parent at an early age).
ReplyDeleteMy Mrs. C. has much more difficulty throwing things out than I do.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me I need to get busy going through my stuff and maybe throw or give away some. I'm not getting any younger.
ReplyDeleteBe careful of what you throw out, because Mrs. C may just dump you!!
ReplyDeleteHere's my cautionary tale: My mother was more of a pack rat than full blown hoarder, but she had boxes full of every bill she ever paid. When she started coming down with dementia, she would drag this old bills out and start getting hysterical about all the bills she had to pay and where would she get the money. Trying to assure her that she had already paid, sometimes as much as twenty years ago went nowhere. I was sneaking old paperwork out of her house over time, but God help me if she caught me!
ReplyDeleteSeriously. Who even needs paper these days?
Mrs Cranky would hate living in our house. We're on a mission not to save (useless) stuff! We tell ourselves we don't want the kids to have to clean it all out when we die! Does Mrs C have a secret video cam you don't know about?
ReplyDeleteWhy Cranky, she's just trying to keep you out of the poorhouse.
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny. I see me, in this - just a little.
ReplyDeleteAs a "messy" person who keeps more than she should and is working on changing it, i can tell you that as long as you can use all the rooms and appliances and sinks and etc. in your house, it's not so bad, let her keep some stuff. There are all kinds trying to work on not keeping so much stuff in my group, and some of them have lost use of entire rooms of their homes and cannot have repair people over because of the amount of stuff they keep.
ReplyDeleteYou understand, right, that when a woman says, "I hope you're happy!" the LAST thing she actually wants is your happiness.
ReplyDeleteAin't love grand?!! Lol
ReplyDeleteGetting rid of stuff you don't need is a constant battle. I'm trying to do some sort of "40 bags in 40 days" challenge during the upcoming Lent where you get rid of 40 bags (or something like that) during the 40 days of Lent. Good thing Mrs. Cranky doesn't live here!
ReplyDeleteThe key to successfully getting rid of junk while your hoarding spouse is out is to get rid of very small amounts, often. It also helps if you move stuff around. Then they're not sure if it's really gone, or if you just moved it.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
DeleteI selectively hoard stuff I might be able to use for crafting with the grandkids. One day I decided "enough already" and got rid of some really old weird stuff. Sure 'nuff! The VERY NEXT DAY I "actually" needed it! Noooo!!!! Not taking any more chances over here!
ReplyDelete